Hello and welcome once again to the weekly homework assignment. A time in which I latch on to the At Odds with Wrestling podcast to give my own thoughts about the wrestling themed homework they assign to each other. This week is a bit different than the usual themes for the year. This show lines up for 25 years ago today as we celebrate what is considered one of if not the worst episode of WCW Nitro. And it’s bad. Really bad. There is not a doubt in my mind people turned this episode off and still haven’t watched a moment of wrestling since. Destroy your audience level bad. I questioned if I wanted to continue with not just this week’s homework, but if I wanted to do it at all anymore. 

This episode really shows how far wrestling has come in 25 years. Let’s look at some things that are on this episode and how different wrestling is in 2024: 

The show has a three man booth featuring Tony Schiavone, one person who knows all of the moves and the history of wrestlers, and one retired wrestler getting in his wisecracks. 

The show features a group of Mexican wrestlers that have not been given a story or character motivation but are attempting to connect with the American audience. 

There is a tournament with confusing rules. 

A celebrity attempting to wrestle. 

Wrestlers being told to take it down a step or two. 

A group of wrestlers in masks attacking another wrestler and we have to pretend we don’t know who’s under the masks. 

The best wrestler on the show is also the most problematic. 

A commentator switch halfway through the episode. 

A wrestling themed cruise. 

A wrestler hanging around a heel stable despite not being an official part of that stable. 

An often injured wrestler in his 40’s whose best days are long behind but he still gets a great reaction from the fans and can cut a promo being brought out for a big story before he disappears again to try his hand at another career before coming back once more. 

Lots of money being wasted.

Finally, a post in ring action teaser at the end of the show that only creates more questions and probably won’t be paid off in any satisfying way. 

Wow, thank God wrestling in 2024 is nothing like all of that!

But let’s break down the show beat by beat by getting beaten over the head by how bad this episode ended up. 

The show is live from Tampa, FL and your announce team is Tony, Mike Tenay, and Larry Zbysko but Larry leaves halfway through to be replaced by Bobby “the Brain” Heenan. 

The show recaps the DDP and Scott Steiner feud in which Kimberly is injured. This recap is played multiple times throughout the show yet Page, Kim, nor Steiner appear once this week. Despite all of the “telegrams and phone calls”. Telegram for Mr. Turner. Mr. T. Turner. The Nitro Girls dance – without Kimberly – which I guess furthers the story. The “losers bracket” of the vacant tag team title tournament starts tonight. Arn Anderson beats up Disco Inferno and pulls a club from his pocket that most people just carry around. We then go into the first commercial break of the night at three minutes and 50 seconds into the show. We’re off to a great start. 

In another location, Ric Flair has arrived with three other suits at a local airfield. They’re getting into a limo which is driven by Eric Bischoff. So wherever we are in WCW mythology, Eric lost control of WCW to Flair and now has to be his chauffeur. There are so many camera cuts in this segment. I know WWE is bad, but this was even worse. I risked throwing up multiple times while watching this episode. 

Hey, it’s the official WCW Nitro opening. As bad as Nitro got, that music does fill me with some nostalgia. 

We get the Steiner and Page recap again. That word “again” is going to pop up a lot. 

Now a lengthy recap of last week when Bret Hart had to defend the US title against Roddy Piper and Will Sasso from Mad TV got involved. 

I thought on the podcast last week Joe said the first hour of this episode features no matches. Which is incorrect, because there’s about to be two. However if you also watch this show you’ll wish these matches didn’t exist. In fact, you’ll wish this entire show didn’t exist. 

Jerry Flynn vs Perry Saturn.

Saturn is in a dress which I believe is a stipulation from a previous match he lost to Chris Jericho. Saturn moves pretty well in this dress and the question has to be asked – how many dresses were tried on before finding one that works for in ring gear? 

I know “card is subject to change” but when it does change, let all of the announcers know it has changed. Why give out different format sheets? 

Flynn is fine, Saturn is fine, but this match goes way too long for what it is meant to do. Here comes the screwy ending. Suspended referee Scott Dickinson comes down to the ring, distracting the referee of this match. Chris Jericho comes out to distract Saturn, allowing Flynn to hit a spin kick for the pin. 

If that is all that was supposed to happen in an opening match (not one with main event talent) then this should have been 3-4 minutes. I’m sure this is the only segment that goes on for too long. 

Hey, we’re back at the limo again. When was this filmed? Is this happening live, or “live”? If it’s taped, then the announcers should have known what’s going on. During some meeting earlier in the day, or on that format sheet, mention this. If it’s happening live, then why isn’t the guy in charge of the show at the show? That’s just not professional. Plus they’re still a half hour out. Even the guy in charge doesn’t care about the first hour of Nitro. 

These camera cuts get even worse. 

I hope you like recaps. Here’s one for Lex and Nash feuding against Konnan and Rey Mysterio. We might see Nash under a mask later but otherwise none of these guys appear on the show for what is meant to be a big match on the upcoming PPV. 

Hogan throws bleach into Mongo’s face and that’s why the fourth member of the Horsemen is not here this evening. Did half the roster have bleach thrown at them? 

Back in the limo yet again and Bischoff has taken a detour. 

Another Steiner/Page feud recap. 

So far this episode is like the half hour pre show the PPV used to have on to get you to order the show. A lot of clips and a little action. Which is fine for a pre show to get you to watch the actual show. But then the actual show has to have something actually happen! 

Juventud Guerrero, Psychosis, Blitzkreig vs Super Calo, El Dandy, and Hector Garza. 

Tony just gives up and says “the rules mean just about nothing”. Well sensible scripts and booking is gone too, so why not add the rules into the wastebasket too. Psychosis is “edging on that weight class”. I’ve seen some weight themed edging videos in my day too, and they had more sensible story progression than this show. There is a severe lack of communication between all the wrestlers. Blitzkrieg would have an excuse, but it’s all six of them. The fans are into it though. I will say, despite being an awful show the fans are loud all night. And how long is that night? “Three hours, or an hour and a half on Monday nights.” Thanks Tony. I would be shocked if there’s an hour and a half of in ring action this evening. Juvi tries to launch over the top and crashes. At this point I’m convinced the match is cursed. Super Calo slips off the top as well. Blitzkreig either gets stuffed in the corner or he screws up on his own. Either way, he eventually comes off the top and pins Calo. 

Torrie Wilson is here to save the day! Torrie is talking to someone POV gonzo style. I forget who she’s talking to, but it’s clearly the luckiest man in the world. Torrie is in a towel, she says they’re out of whipped cream, and then the segment is over? Of all the segments to run short on this show, and this is the one they picked? You know, us lonely straight men just don’t get enough representation and fan service in pro wrestling. 

We are back to the limo and now there’s a helicopter shining a spotlight on the limo. Then three I think Humvees start following the limo. The limo pulls over and the Hummers park behind. Eric B runs away from the limo, probably to meet up with Rakim. The nWo shows up in disguise, and who could this masked leader with a mustache poking through his mask possibly be? Flair punches Hulk. Nash stalks Flair for an hour. The vehicles circle this fight pit. Finally six or seven guys attack Flair. 

Hey, what happened to the suits with Flair? I mean, they’re not going to win but they could at least help even the odds. I wouldn’t want to do business with these guys who leave me high and dry at the first sign of trouble. 

Holy shit, this goes on longer than the earlier Lucha match. I actually wrote in my notes, OMG make it stop. I want to go back and time how long this segment takes place but that would only lengthen this torture. Hogan starts talking and it’s so over the top I’ve decided he’s the Michael Scott of the nWo. No! No God please no. 

I don’t know how other TV writers follow up a two hour long gang attack, but the Nitro Girls dance and then we get some tag team title history. 

Fit Finlay and Dave Taylor vs Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko.

This match is actually good, and one of the highlights of the night but it features the worst person in pro wrestling history. I’ve had to separate the art from the artist many times in life, but Benoit is far past that line. Again, it’s good but I’m not going to praise the work of Benoit. Benoit hits a diving headbutt with no repercussions on Taylor and then Malenko flips Taylor into a Texas Cloverleaf for the tap out win. 

Yet another recap of the Page/Steiner feud. Did this highlight package buy commercial time on the show?!

We’re mercifully at the half way point because Bobby the Brain has now joined the commentary team. 

We get even more recap! I know the recaps are for people who might not be watching every week. I haven’t watched this era of WCW in 25 years and I don’t need any more recaps. 

Hey, the Nitro Girls will be on the Bruise Cruise! I wonder how many lost five star matches took place on those cruises. 

The Nitro Girls are at the announce table to give an update on Kimberly Page. Let’s see we have Spice, Whisper, Tygress, and I forget the fourth. I remembered those ones though 25 years later. Where’s my Nitro Girls recap?! Brain asks if they’re going to dance and I can’t figure out what the hell he’s looking at. I mean I know what I’m looking at, or would be looking at, but his line of sight doesn’t add up. Unless he goes to the same optometrist as Robert Gibson and Shawn Michaels. 

Hey, let’s see that recap about Bret Hart yet again. 

Bret Hart vs Will Sasso (with Debra Wilson) (both from Mad TV).

Damn, Debra is looking good. Sasso looks so much like a young John Candy. For a moment I thought Sasso could take a bump but then he takes a loud THUD to the floor. That’s… that’s not gonna be good. Bret sits in a chair in the ring and drinks some water. This is going to be a night off for him. Why not? It already feels like a night off for half of WCW from top to bottom because no one is doing their fucking job to make a sensible and entertaining TV show! 

Anyways, Will slips all over the place thanks to Bret’s water. Bret beats up Will on the outside. Hart goes for a chair, which Debra takes away from him. I don’t know how that water got everywhere but it looks like Debra slipped out as well. Then Debra hits Will with the chair! Bret rolls Will back in and locks on the Sharp Shooter, which gets the immediate tap out victory. Bret and Debra celebrate. 

Jokes aside, Debra is probably the most accomplished person on this entire show. I looked to see what she has done other than Mad TV and it is quite the impressive IMDB. 

The Hummers arrive at the building and the nWo come out. It “appears to be Hogan with a mask on”. You think? Sherlock WCW here. Probably just as many drugs. 

I want to try to make some logic here, but there just isn’t any. The entire limo angle had to be pre-recorded. There’s no way it was “live”. The camera in the car, the ones on the ground, the helicopter, four vehicles, quick camera cuts. Plus I assume there need to be some sort of filming permits once a helicopter is thrown in there. Which means it’s not taking place at the same time the show is live. Doesn’t the commentary team have headsets? Someone in their ear to give guidance for commercial breaks and the like? Hell, Brain just came out. Someone give him the message to pass on to the rest of the team! I know we all armchair booker and say we could run a better wrestling show but for this episode literally any of us could! 

All of the nWo show up, but what in the hell is Disco Inferno doing here?! He’s not even allowed to wear an nWo shirt. Is Disco someone’s little brother and their mom said keep an eye on him so now he has to go out with big brother nWo? Hogan cuts a promo and calls out Ric Flair for their scheduled match. Flair doesn’t come out by the count of 10 but the new United States champion, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper does. Piper is 44 here. But despite marks against him, he’s going to be the one to come out here and expose all that is wrong with Hogan and the company. A voice of the voiceless if you will. Piper is still an acting commissioner in WCW. He is? There’s more than one? What the hell is this? They’re handing out commissioner roles like real world championships. As commissioner, Piper books a title match for himself. 

Hogan vs. Piper. 

You just know this one is going to be screwy. So here we have an iconic rematch that would sell PPVs and it’s given away for free here with no buildup or no announcement. Way to boost those ratings. Not only is there no buildup but I guess there’s no rules here either as chairs and belts are used to excess. Scott Hall runs out and uses the cattle prod on Piper and now that’s too much. The match ends in a DQ because beating someone with a bat is one thing, but how dare anyone use a toy shock stick. The rest of the nWo come out for the beating. Scott Hall puts on the kilt. Hey, it’s Hall vs Piper at the PPV so at least one match actually has some build. 

We’re back to outside?! What in the hell? Some trucker finds Flair beaten up in the grass. Good thing that camera crew is still there. Too bad they didn’t think to call for any help. Once again, the lack of communication in WCW. 

Who the fuck is this lawyer guy? Anyways, Steiner is going to sue Page. Nothing says Bischoff like HLA, hot legal action! 

There is another recap video of Rey Mysterio and Luger. I do like understated pre recorded Luger for promos. He comes across more soft spoken than in the ring, and more dangerous too. 

Another video package?! 

Mike Enos and Scotty Riggs vs Benoit and Malenko. 

Another match in the losers bracket of the tag team tournament. Someone is injured, so this team is thrown together. I forget who and I don’t care enough to go back and remember. This is Riggs post Raven’s Flock and Brain mentions that that old gray flock, she ain’t what she used to be. “Not a flock, like a little swarm of bees.” I don’t know that there’s such a thing as a little swarm, and even if so, that’s still not something I’m going to mess with. Brain is not on his A game tonight. “Great baseball player.” “Benoit?” No, not Benoit, although I can understand the confusion because Chris is also known to choke up on the bat. 

It would have been very helpful to see this losers bracket. Who else is in this part of the tournament? Why didn’t Enos and Riggs have a match earlier in the night? It’s like they’re making it up as they go along! 

Enos and Riggs are given a good match though. They hang in there and work well for a team that I don’t know ever teamed before. It’s funny too because Enos and Riggs are the big guys here. They have a great heel non tag while the referee is distracted by Benoit. 

OMG, more with Flair?! The trucker’s truck is overheating I guess so he pours water all over the engine and Flair tries to run away. He tells the Neon Cowboy to get him to the arena. I’m guessing the camera guy has his own vehicle. 

Back to the match. This is far more competitive than I expected and the two best matches on the show are thanks to the deleted from history guy. Enos catches Dean, hits a power slam that came real close to a broken neck, and then doesn’t go for a pin attempt? Imagine Enos and Riggs in a WCW version of NXT. Going back down to help the young talent and getting themselves over in the process. Good call back to the first match finish but in the end Riggs taps to the Crossface. 

Hey the trucker is still with Flair. Please make it stop. 

Oh the show is saved! Torrie Wilson is back. Wait. Wait. Come back! This is even shorter than her previous segment. Of all the things on this show to not give time to! 

Wait. There’s another fucking match?! 

There’s 8 minutes left of the show and Michael Buffer is out to do introductions? Hogan comes out with all of the nWo, minus Lex and Liz. He tells Buffer to hit the bricks, so that was worth every penny. There’s boxes of comics in my closet I’ve never read and yet this is still the biggest waste of money I’ve seen. Hogan gives Flair until the count of 20 to come out for their match. Or what? Hogan has the title. Flair isn’t giving up his title? So just pride? Or what’s left of it? The trucker pulls up with Flair and Ric stumbles into the arena. The announcers are clueless as to what has happened to Flair. “Is he smashed?” There are four minutes left. How have I had to sit through the War and Peace of WCW skits and the announcers were spared? I’ve never wanted to switch places with Tony more. Flair finally makes it to the ring with 2 minutes of the show left. Flair swings an axe handle at the nWo, Benoit and Malenko come out to help, but all three get beat down. 

“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened on this program.” I could not agree more. 

Backstage, Hall hands the taser over to someone and says, “now that you see how it’s done, don’t mess it up.” I can only assume this is the same POV person as was with Torrie and he wanted a wand for Torrie, but something got mixed up backstage. 

I can be an apologist for things I like. Why did the Eternals movie happen? I don’t know, but this era of MCU isn’t over yet and I have faith it will all come together. What’s going on with Cody? I don’t know, but I have faith by Mania I will have enjoyed the story and it will reach a satisfying end. Then there’s this example of WCW where no one gives a shit and things are only put on TV because they’re contractually obligated to do so. I’m willing to be fooled, but I’m not willing to be tricked into wasting my time, and it becomes more and more obvious how and why this company failed.