Hey all the Pope is stepping down.  The first pope in 600 years to quit, sorry, resign.  Is there a bigger reason than failing health?  Could be but maybe not.  All that we know for sure is that there will need to be a new Pope elected soon.  Hopefully by Easter.  Lets look at three fictional priests (and one pope) who should be considered for this lofty position.

4.  Battle Pope

One of the first creations from Robert Kirkman (he of The Walking Dead) and to be sure the most ass kicking one on this list.  Trained by Bruce Lee and chosen by God godself to rescue Saint Michael.  If even the holiest of holies finds Battle Pope worthy, shouldn’t you?

3.  Father Ted

The word of God must be interpreted and who better to change, decipher or even if necessary twist the Gospel than Father Ted.  Always there to quote Scripture in a way that legitimizes even the most outlandish of schemes.  Its the 21st century.  Many changes are near, changes that will demand an interpretation of centuries old words so we know how to live our lives today.

2.  Cardinal Ignatius Glick

We need a man who isn’t afraid to say things like this:

 Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse… even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal… both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies… He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we’ve come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the “Catholicism WOW. ” campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you… The Buddy Christ. Now that’s not the sanctioned term we’re using for the symbol, just something we’ve been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn’t it… pop? Buddy Christ…

 

1.  Father Dowling

Jesus ate dinner with sinners in order to save them.  Who better to be the new face of the Catholic Church than a man who brought down murders, thieves, and everything in between.  He went right to the sinners door and brought them to justice.  Maybe from justice he also gave them salvation.