I feel sorry for John Cena.

Not that he needs my sympathy, the man’s a millionaire that sells a ton of merchandise, appeals to a large grip of the WWE’s audience, and has been “the man” for the past 10 years. After all this time, shouldn’t people like him?

Some did. But most don’t. And they’re vocal. The People are vocal.

And I kinda like John Cena. Enough that I lost my Ric Flair action figure and Wrestlemania XXVI t-shirt for a week over Cena losing to The Rock. Damn you Christian! Co-host of my podcast, Historectomy, that you can find every week at craveonline.com/comedy! And yet, I still like John Cena. But he is the toy nobody wants right now. They all want the new toy.

The People have decided. Exit The Rock, enter Brock Lesnar.

(Ignore the “Sexy Back” song. Or acknowledge it fully. I don’t care. You’re the consumer. So choose!)

Now here is a guy that Vince McMahon creamed himself for years ago! He was supposed to be “The Next Big Thing”. Back in 2003, it was Lesnar and Cena that were facing off as Cena got established in the company. Lesnar had awesome matches with Kurt Angle, broke the ring with The Big Show, and Paul Heyman was still around! Things were better with Lesnar! But Lesnar wanted to play foot-balls, so he left. Failing the NFL he went to the UFC. Did pretty well, but then he got sick. So now, Lesnar, the man who drove WWE’s name through the mud when he left is now facing the ultimate company man in John Cena.

This could be very interesting…IF Cena was a different character.

They BLEW an opportunity to have Cena revamp and change his approach. He could still be the patron saint of young WWE fans everywhere but to return to the same stasis (I’m getting Theatre Major on this review’s ass now) is completely idiotic. This past Monday was a travesty of “being a man” and “owning up” to his loss when they could’ve had him conflicted for once over the right thing to do!

They could’ve had The Hulk (the green one not the orange one) and Bruce Banner fighting over their humanity and instead we have Captain America. John Cena was the man who could squash three men in a single match. Imagine him taking out his frustrations on the rest of the roster over losing to The Rock! Instead we have the stalwart patriot of the WWE, never compromising on his moral duty to “rise above the hate”.

They got him a new t-shirt, why didn’t they get him a new character?

Kids like The Hulk. They’d accept a moral quagmire by one of their great heroes! Instead, we have Cena, unresolved in his transition from BREAKING HIS PROMISE OVER 10 YEARS to getting F5’ed by Brock “Check out my sh*tty knife tat” Lesnar in the middle of the ring at the end of RAW.

Brock Lesnar is everything that John Cena wishes he could be right now. Powerful. Dominant. Popular. Cena claimed to have wrestled actively longer than The Rock? Well Lesnar wrestled for half as long as Cena and made twice the impact so what does that say about Cena? Brock Lesnar is twice the wrestler with less of the baggage because he’s “new”. People will react to him powerfully because his presence (though marred by his final match with Goldberg at Wrestlemania) will elicit a powerful response.

I like John Cena. But he’s my Woody (Freudian slip?). He’s my toy that I loved back in the day, but now? Well, “Buzz” Lesnar just showed up and I think I like him better in this toy story. It’s up to Cena to “hustle” for his spot, regain my “loyalty” as a fan, and “respect” himself, for once, by beating Brock Lesnar.

By gawd King, I think we have our next main event!

Follow Sam Weller @cravesam on Twitter.