Congratulations Randal, you’re the World Heavyweight champion.  A multiple time holder of said title as well.  What are you going to do with this newly won level of respect, responsibility, and of course the financial rewards that come with such a lofty status?  If you’re Randal Keith Orton, you’re going to act like an asshole.  There is no evolution to your character.  The ever lasting legacy will be that of an immature man.  There will be some mature themes in this article kids, an article that is now Rated R(KO).

Most recently, Randy Orton did an interview with a radio station and many an unkind thing was said.  Orton immediately shows his ignorance of the world in 2011 when he says that no one will hear anything he says over the phone.  Can someone get the Viper an  iPod?  The man needs to learn about mp3s, podcasts and the like.  Now that this is a private conversation between Smackdown’s champion, a local DJ, and smart  marks the world over, Randy gets real.  He tells us many safe for PG WWE stories.  Stories like Kelly Kelly has fucked at least 10 of her male coworkers, Mark Henry wrestles like shit, and speaking of shit… Remember kids, supplements sometimes cause tummy aches.  If stomach upset occurs, don’t run to the toilet like a man.  Scoot your ass to the edge of the bed and let your own personal poo volcano rip.

To clarify for those of you who didn’t hear the interview, these are the details.  Randy said Mark Henry is uncoordinated in the ring and he prefers to never have  to get in the ring against the World’s Strongest Man.  This verbal burial takes place at the beginning of Sexual Chocolate’s biggest push in his career.  Also, while he was single (and what woman wouldn’t want to marry a man who can tell stories like these) Randy had a bit of stomach pains.  He sleeps in the nude, which must give some sort of free pass over all matters of decency that I am not aware of.  Orton decided to shit all over his room instead of walking through his admittedly small apartment.  Oh, Kelly has slept with the following… Well, that would be telling.  And then I wouldn’t be any better than Randy.   Although I would like to see him call CM Punk a  slut and see what happens.

The sad thing is that this isn’t at all surprising to those who have followed Orton’s history.  Randy was kicked out of the Marines for bad conduct.  This is before he had USMC tattooed on his body.  That tattoo has been since covered up.  So for those of you who love Randy’s ink, remember, none of it would have existed if he hadn’t been such a fuck up at a young age.

Its not even his first fecal folly!  Way back in 2004, former Diva search contestant Rochelle Loewen had a well publicized incident with Randy that led to her leaving  WWE.  Rochelle didn’t know who Randy was when she started with WWE.  Its funny because a few short years later and no one knows who the hell is Rochelle Loewen.  Anyways, Orton took offense to this slight against his international fame and he decided to gain revenge against a 25  year old woman.  Way to go Legend Killer!  Randy sneaks into the women’s locker room (which is a whole other problem) and does something to ruin all of Rochelle’s belongings.  Depending on the person telling the tale Randal either sprayed lotion and baby oil all over her items, or he shit in her bag.  Either way, one would expect a man being groomed for WWE greatness to have a little more class and self control.

I could add so much more to this but I think you see the point.  If not remember this is the same man who was found to have six different drug prescriptions in the wake of Eddie Guerrero’s death.  He also decided to ride a motorcycle, something he was inexperienced with at the time, right before returning from a collarbone injury.  There was an accident, he nearly lost his life, and only happened to re-break the same collarbone.  His anger management issues needed to be weaved into his WWE character just to explain his outbursts.  Oh, and lets not forget the suicide attempt.  Which he says he will talk about at length in his upcoming DVD.

What kind  of environment exists that would spawn such a self centered maniacal person?  But should I really expect more from a man who’s father neglects to tell the Undertaker that he has Hepatitis C before bleeding all over the Phenom?