My brother, who does not blog, asked me what I thought of this show.  I was embarrassed to tell him I had yet to watch it.  So, for him and for lovers of wrestling and midgets the world over, lets watch!

In the intro someone says, “you broke the rules!”  Well there is no place for rule breakers in professional wrestling.  I guess these guys have been riding around doing their schtik for years and Hulk Hogan decided to make money, I mean give his name and promotional abilities out of laughter, no there I go again, out of love.

Hogan is watching some midget wrestling in Tampa.  Because where else would you go?  If you feel lost and confused over how Hogan got here, and brought along Brian Knobbs, we flash back to weeks earlier.

His buddy Johnny G (who?) is trying to make his micro wrestlers the number one promtion in the country.  Yeah, never gonna happen.  But who am I to kill a dream?  The MCW crew does a show at some frat party.  Not in an arena, or a lodge, nope just the backyard.  The Goth midget (someone give me the names later, this is moving so fast) is pissed off that they’re at a frat party, that the drunk kids are being allowed in the ring, he’s mad at everything. He eventually loses it and punches Demo, the COO of MCW (and where is that business card) igniting anger among the roster.

The frat tries to short change the midgets (you know what, I’m giving up on trying to write about this show with any tact).  One of the midgets gets upset when Fratty McFratFrat (its a family name) calls him a little person.  “Its not called little person wrestling, its called midget wrestling.”

A little person just won an Emmy for his amazing acting.  I’m not going to take the words of these micro wrestlers as canon for what all little people would prefer to be called.

Holy fuck, this shit is an hour long?

Johnny G has reached his limit and calls up his buddy Hulk Hogan for help.  Its a crystal clear phone call for something that’s an unscripted reality show.  Ugh.  Hulk tells Johnny to pick up a few more midgets along the way.  How the fuck does one do that?  With a casting call of course.  I don’t know how one gets so many midget wrestlers to turn out for a casting call in Florida.  Is there a little MidgetTown area?  Oh, lets all go out for midget food tonight.

The midgets play jokes on each other too!  Oh who doesn’t love a good ribbing backstage?!  When the show is a joke, do you need to make extra jokes?  Its like the Pimp My Ride meme.  Yo, we know you love midget jokes in your midget show so we put a midget in your midget.  (Well this post is going to get some unwanted NSFW hits.)

I cant believe these midgets are allowing themselves to be exploited like this.  What group of people allows themselves to be exploited in such a way?  Oh look wet t shirt contests.

“Starting a wrestling company is one of the hardest things in the world to do.” – Hulk Hogan.  But killing one is easy as hell isn’t it Hulkster?

This is what gives wrestling a bad name.  If I say I watch wrestling, no one is picturing CM Punk vs John Cena 5 star match from earlier this year.  They’re picturing this shit.

Hogan and Knobbs are watching the show.  Two new midgets have a shit match.  Two of the women use blow up punching gloves?  Knobbs is worried that the midgets are losing the crowd.  Yes, because your loyal midget wrestling audience might get mad.  These fans have been following the proud tradition of midget wrestling since Little Beaver and Sky Low Low.  Give me a fucking break.  Put on a show and fuck the crowd. These aren’t midget wrestling fans, or even wrestling fans.  These are people who wanted to get drunk tonight and went somewhere with a show.

Knobbs tosses a midget and an ambulance is needed.  Hogan is worried that this may hurt his reputation.  I think your wife already did that Hulk.  Blitz (our favorite goth midget) pushes his way out of the ambulance and is about to go off half cocked.  Hulk gives the midgets some pointers.  Oh good he’s going to train the midgets now too.  Well if anyone can train people how to take a minimal move set and make a ton of money off of it its Hogan.

So people make fun of me and ask, you do know wrestling is fake right?  I respond, you people know reality shows are fake right?

Brian Knobbs trains the midgets in the skills of wrestling.  Well why wouldn’t you have someone in prime physical conditioning like Brian Knobbs train people how to be better athletes.

The blonde girl midget, and I have given up on trying to remember names, has trouble learning how to do, anything.

Who the hell is helping Knobbs train?  Is it Pat Tanaka?  Gypsy Joe?  The Crypt Keeper?  Blitz or whatever his name is, refuses to train because he’s still mad at Knobbs for tossing him out of the ring.

The midgets promote the show by drinking way too much.  Justice, one of the midget crew, pisses on the side of the building and gets arrested.  Or something close to that.  Its security not police so who knows.  Everyone is worried that Justice will be in jail (security guard jail?) and thus unavailable for the show.  Maybe you should make sure all of your wrestlers aren’t passed out drunk and fucking up.

Speaking of fucking up, the entire midget crew is late to the show.  Well, maybe you shouldn’t have drank so much last night.  Oh the investors are here.  Sorry, “investors”.  I don’t believe any one of these guys is an actual investor.  I think there was a casting call on Craigslist for douchebags.

Oh good, Hogan appears on the big screen to give them a hype talk.  The midgets react stronger to Hogan on the screen than he did when he was two feet away from them earlier in the episode!  Where is any bit of logic in that?

I’ve been forgetting to mention, there is a big fat midget who has a stink face move.  Cant. Hold. All. This. Class

The midget women are upset that their match got cut.  It got cut because they weren’t going to wrestle.  They were going to box.  Its not called Micro Championship Boxing.  Did you not pay attention?  Do you have a short attention span?   (Yeah, I said I’m done with trying to be PC when discussing this.)

Everyone is involved in a battle royal.  In which you have to be pinned to be eliminated.  What the hell?  I’m not even saying toss them over the top.  But out of the ring in any way should suffice.  Oh good, this is all for the coveted MCW title.  I think the Nathan’s hot dog title has more prestige.  Even as a wrestling title.

Demo, and by the way Demo is a masked wrestler who appears without his mask CONSTANTLY!, hits a Senton splash for the final pin.  Johnny asks the promoters immediately after if they have a deal.  Oh sure, who doesn’t ask for millions of dollars to be put on the line while hip deep in midgets.

Hogan says there is now investment in the show, oh good because the fact that this is actually airing had that story line resolution up in the air throughout the episode.  Hogan has 5 things he wants the crew to do so they can get to that next level.  Unfortunately not one of these 5 things is “find a day job”.

 

And that’s it.  Honestly, its some of the worst wrestling I’ve ever seen.  However, I will cover more if this article gets hits.