What would a wrestler themed hero from the Spider-Verse be called? Arachnaman is right there but that feels like too easy an answer. I ask because, let’s do the origin one more time. I like listening to the At Odds with Wrestling podcast, and on the weeks that the hosts assign each other homework to watch, I watch it too and include my thoughts here. This week we are continuing to watch a specific time of WCW wrestling and we have arrived at the February 23, 2000 episode of Thunder. 

Kevin Nash, the Commissioner of WCW, has shown up to the building. He is suffering from amnesia after a guitar shot but luckily he has his nurses there to help. These are not the porn star looking nurses from before, but honestly, I think it’s a step down. They’re not bad but they look more like amateur porn stars and the video is all fuzzy and where the hell is the tracking button? 

Mike Tenay and Bobby “the Brain” Heenan are our hosts as tonight’s show takes place in Reno, Nevada. 

3 Count is here to dance and sing but Fit Finlay comes out to start his match against Evan Karagias. There’s lots of plunder already in the ring because this will be a hardcore match, which also means it’s going to be three on one. Finlay no sells all three members of the boy band. He finally succumbs to a green circle attack. Helmes accidentally hits Moore. Finlay hits a pile driver on Evan. Just a glorified squash. 

Nash is all messed up and deduces if he’s the Commissioner, than that must make the nurses Chief O’Hara. I would be willing to bet more like O’Hairless, but that’s to be discovered on other sites. This Batman themed joke continues through the show. 

Mean Gene is in the nWo locker room and says to the girls, who are sitting on a couch, “you don’t spend much time on your feet”. Maybe they’re training to take bumps? 

The KidCam catches Buff Bagwell hitting on Daffney, she screams in his ear but not in the good way. 

Ric Flair comes out and they’re trying to make a symbol of Hogan’s bloody weight belt. Vampiro is out to challenge Flair. 

Mean Gene interviews La Parka, who has been dubbed all over again. Gene says “not back to this crap again”. I feel that it is funny in small doses, but I may regret that thought as we continue to watch this era. 

Buff says leave the rough stuff to the pros and the Dark Side of the Ring jokes write themselves. 

David Flair confronts Daffney about Buff. Seems a little too aggressive towards a woman. 

More with Nash, and I’m already sick of this bit. 

Nash calls the wrong number and we get a Ralphus cameo, which made me give this bit one more chance. 

Berlyn vs. La Parka. 

The crowd chants USA. For who?! Maybe WCW creative is matching the intelligence level of their live fans. La Parka hits some corkscrew move for the pin. I lost all reason to care. WCW is not giving me anything worth my time as a return on investment. 

Buff confronts Kidman about the KidCam. 

Nitro Girls VHS commercial. Hey, check out my latest Thrift Store Horde video where I show off a copy of this tape that I just found! 

Mean Gene interviews Tank Abbot. How long ago did we watch that Skins Match? 2? 3 months ago? Tank is challenged by not Shane, or Vincent, or Curly Bill – but by Mike Jones. Most would know him best as Virgil. He is not a shark. He’s a man. 

Buff Bagwell vs David Flair (with Daffney). 

Oh WTF again. This is a nothing match. Here’s some moves until someone comes down, oh look it’s Maestro and Symphony. Daffney gets defensive but is in the wrong place at the wrong time, Flair runs into Daffney who is holding the crowbar and this allows Buff to get the pin. ‘Stro attacks Buff, but he fights them off. Is Buff a heel or a face? He’s hitting on women, getting shut down, this leads to a match, but he looks strong after the match. 

Vampiro warms up. 

Tank Abbot vs Mike Jones. 

Mike brings the fight and for a brief moment I thought this was going to be like Regal and Goldberg and Tank would be exposed. One punch later though and it’s just another Tank match. 

Ric Flair walks. 

Nash still needs Batman. This is getting bad. Nash is ruining whores for me. 

Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. 

This is a motivated Vampiro. Probably his best work I’ve seen in this WCW rewatch. Not that it matters though. Total Package comes out. Elizabeth distracts the referee. Lex hits Vampiro with the bat. Flair locks on the Figure Four for the win. Lex and Flair beat up Vampiro some more. 

Dustin Rhodes walks. 

Vampiro has now won by reverse decision. Finlay attacks Vampiro backstage, because Vampiro isn’t going to get a program with Flair going forward. 

Booker and Kidman discuss their match. 

Dustin Rhodes comes out and cuts a heel promo that’s not very good. His reason for attacking Funk is because he’s upset over the direction of his own career? Funk appears via satellite. He says less, but accomplishes more than Dustin had any hope. Dustin attacks members of the ring crew as he leaves. 

Crowbar gets ready. 

Referee Mickey Jay talks to Terry Taylor. 

Crowbar vs. TAFKAPI (with Paisley).

Crowbar is so much better than the Artist. I don’t dislike the Artist, but he is exposed here. Both men go off the top rope and crash. Daffney distracts Prince, because she’s wearing a purple wig. Paisley is tied up with Crowbar for a moment. Paisley rips off Daffney’s wig. There’s a fun fight that’s better than 99% of the rest of the show. Crowbar runs into a kick and then the Artist hits his top rope missed DDT thing for the pin. 

The Wall walks. As do Disco and the Mamalukes. 

Mean Gene interviews Sid, Sid laughs, so now Nash thinks Sid is the Joker. Sid-Joker could have had a Harley Quinn but that would have necessitated booking a talented woman on the show. (Madusa as Harley Quinn?) 

The Wall vs. Disco Inferno. 

Lane and Idol attack the Mamalukes. I got up to get a drink. I could have paused, by I couldn’t prolong this experience. Disco Cheese stands alone. Disco tries to get out of this. I feel the same. Disco tries to showboat but the inevitable squash happens when the Wall hits a chokeslam for the pin. 

Mean Gene talks to Lex and Liz. 

Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) and Booker vs the Harris Brothers. 

Kidman gets beaten down. The Harris Brothers have the most unexciting wrestling style. One move, stall, one more move. Booker gets the hot tag. H Bomb on Booker for the pin. WTF. Do the Harris boys take a bump at all? 

Jeff Jarrett, the Harris brothers, and this week’s nWo girls watch the main event. 

Lex Luger (with Elizabeth) vs. Sid Vicious. 

Five minutes left in the show. Lex does more in five minutes than most of the other wrestlers on the card tonight. Flair comes out and attacks Sid but because it doesn’t effect Sid, the referee lets it go. Sid chokeslams Lex. Liz gives Lex the bat. Lex hits Sid’s knee and I’m pretty sure catches Flair too. Oh, now we get the DQ. Sid is beaten down. No one comes to help. 

The nWo was watching and they want some too. Referees and security block the nWo from the ring. Mickey Jay eats a guitar shot. 

Are these shows getting worse or am I jaded? I keep mentioning return on investment but it really feels like no one cares. They are contractually obligated to put something on TV, but we’re at MTV playing 22 hours of Ridiculousness episodes. No one actually cares what is on the screen, as long as something is there. 

I care though. Which is why I do this homework, extra credit, and eventually get my own thoughts out there once again.