Hello and welcome to the latest homework assignment. Each and every week without a major wrestling event, the At Odds with Wrestling podcast hosts will assign each other something wrestling related to watch. One of the hosts spins the Wheel of Rock to select a film starring Dwayne Johnson. This week we watched The Rundown.

I remember going to see this movie in theaters with a group of wrestling friends. Here’s the Rock in his first big starring role, let’s see what we’re in for. Even Arnold shows up to give the Rock his blessing. When I saw this movie in 2003, at 25 years old, I had much different feelings about it. I don’t remember exactly who was in the group and which theater we went to. I do remember thinking it was a fun time and the Rock is sure to have years of success in the future.

Now over 20 years later I like to think I’m a different person. I’ve seen a lot more – as in movies and life experiences – and many of my opinions and even enjoyments have changed. One of the things I have learned is that it’s all about connections. Does this item of media connection to a person’s brain or heart or soul in any way? It is not for me to judge what anyone else likes, even if I hate it. They found something in it that connected to them and it is no one’s fault that it did not connect with me.

With that I give this movie a resounding, “meh”.

The Rock is a glorified debt collector who roughs up people who also owe money in an effort to clear his own debt. He’s given “one last job” to be free and it involves bringing his… loan shark? — son back from the jungle. It turns out there’s an evil businessman exploiting the native people to mine resources and keep them in slavery. But it’s okay because there’s a resistance movement. And the thing that will solve everyone’s problems is a rare idol that only the son can find.

The Rock is the coolest guy in the room. He’s a better fighter than anyone else, except for when he isn’t. He does cool moves that no one in the real world would be physically gifted to do, except when he doesn’t. He can break down everything around him and prepare for the worst, except when he can’t. The Rock is perfect except for when it helps the plot. The guy who kept track of every weapon in a room earlier in the movie, stares dumbstruck at a rope trap in the woods and waits to be caught.

Sean William Scott is beta test Ryan Reynolds but with zero pop culture references in his witty banter. He is just there to be annoying antithesis of the lead but anyone could fill this spot. Reynolds, Jack Black, a precocious child.

Christopher Walken is just fuck the script I’ll say what I want and eventually get to the point of the scene. His tooth fairy analogy convinced me that no one wrote a word of what he’s saying.

Then Rosario Dawson comes in who should elevate everything but she’s just the deus ex machina. Here’s someone for Stiffler to flirt with and we learn he’s a douchebag. Here’s someone for the Rock to talk to so we can set the scene. How is this beautiful waitress untouched in this lawless place? Oh, because she’s also the resistance leader. She’s friendly and helpful when it helps her goals and backstabs when that is the more advantageous route. Even her kidnapping takes place off camera. Because she’s herself does not matter, only how her character can act as short hand to move the story along.

Wait. Her kidnapping is off camera. Stiffler and Rosario talk at the bar to set up both of their characters. But other than that is the Rock either on camera or being spoken to/about for every other scene in this movie? Is he the Poochie of this film? I’m not rewatching it.

Everyone is dying around them but Rock and Stiffler are playing Bing and Bob road trip comedy spots. The idol is way too easy to find. Someone loved playing with the CGI available at the time but it makes what should look intimidating seem cartoonish.

I’m not even getting into things like monkeys and the Rock’s thoughts on guns. Overall this movie felt like playing toys with an 8 year old. They go here, then here, then the bad guys show up, then they go here. Here’s the bad guy figure, you give him a silly voice. Then they go here, oh and I forgot we were playing with this guy too so let’s bring him back in. And the thing about playing toys with an 8 year old kid is, it’s great when it’s your own kid. It’s annoying when it’s someone else’s kid though and you’re hoping the story wraps up soon.