Because I do. But I feel like I’m really turning a page in my anxiety.

I don’t know who screwed me up along the way to make me six feet of packed anxiety, stress, and depression. But someone did. And it has taken a lot of people and a lot of introspection and flat out work to course correct that. Not that any of that is over. But lately I feel like I’ve finally swam to the surface and broken through. I’m still in the water and have to head to shore. But I’m breathing air.

One of the things I’ve slowly started to do is not care. Which sounds too harsh. I’m not ignoring or apathetic to other people’s feelings. But I have decided to not allow their thoughts and actions to affect me. I know for some people this comes naturally but I have had to train myself to this point. There’s been a lot of trial and error. I overthink and become consumed by it. And for what? The only change that happens is within myself, and it makes me worse.

I think the best way to combat this is with confidence. True earned confidence. Not ego. Experience. Why am I more confident at wrestling and comic shows? Because I know it. I can speak with knowledge. There’s anxiety over work until becoming a veteran. Anxiety over money because of a lack of confidence that there will be more. Anxiety over talking to women because there is no confidence in myself knowing what will happen next.

Remember those pick up artist shows? Granted the guys were assholes but if you do something a hundred times you start to learn all possible outcomes and they don’t feel scary anymore.

Familiarity breeds confidence. I’ve heard it forever but o my recently do I understand it.