I really don’t want to fall for the latest gimmick book. But dammit something about it is resonating with me. I read maybe 20 pages in the bookstore and skimmed the rest of the book. There’s something there. Something still in my head days later. Something about not dwelling on things that can’t be changed.

I’m honestly so worried about being hated or rejected that I don’t even try anymore. If I’m at home no one can hurt me. Of course I’m only hurting myself. It took an outburst for me to recognize this. I was already worked up over things in life and then one work day was overly difficult and I said out loud, I just want to go home where I’m safe and no one can bother me.

That hurt to say out loud. But maybe I needed to do so. Nothing in my life changes for good or bad when I hide inside. But if this status quo isn’t helping then why am I fighting so hard to keep it?

Which now has lead to me doing things without, or with less, fear that I’m not wanted. I don’t even feel wanted at restaurants where the entire point is to take my money. So now I’m trying to think if they reject me, let them. I can’t control someone else’s thoughts. By doing so I’ve been able to go out of my comfort zone and some things are happening. Maybe positive changes. Or maybe I’m wrong and I’ll close that door tighter next time.