Hello and welcome to the penultimate edition of this long term homework assignment. This wasn’t homework, this was a Master’s thesis. For those of you just joining us, I tag along with the At Odds with Wrestling podcast as the hosts assign each other something wrestling related to watch almost each and every week. For over a year we’ve been watching this strange time of WCW in between Vince Russo’s booking regimes.

Tonight’s episode is live from Spring Break! The ring is set up outside, it looks very fun and unique, and there are a ton of fans here. Most if not all are probably there for free.

Tony Schiavone and Mark Madden are the announcers for the evening.

Mean Gene starts off in the ring and notices a woman, who is not shown on camera, and says “young lady, you’re very proud of those aren’t you?” It’s going to be that kind of night. Mean Gene says someone is returning to WCW and they’re coming out right now, but there is a long long pause. Finally, Kimberly Page comes out and Wow. I’m going to risk upsetting the podcast hosts and I’m going to say that this is the hottest outfit in the history of this era of WCW homework. Kim introduces Diamond Dallas Page. Oh, he’s returning. I already forgot the point.

DDP hypes up Ready to Rumble. DDP says he wants to be champ again, this brings out Jeff Jarrett. Words are exchanged which don’t go anywhere.

Tony and Mark announce that Eric Bischoff is back and they are waiting for word if Vince Russo will also agree to come back. This becomes the most important part of the show.

Jimmy Hart attacks Man Cow. Wow, there was a time when people thought Man Cow mattered.

Who TF are these three? Paisley says the Artist will give one of these guys a match tonight. Two look like Wish Hardys. One is Mike Modest, who I do recognize, and Mike gets the pick.

Scott Steiner talks to the nWo Girls in their bikinis in the pool. Jeff Jarrett is the ultimate heel when he pulls Steiner away.

Mean Gene talks to Booker and we learn that Heavy D of the Harris Brothers is allegedly injured.

Mike Modest vs The Artist formerly known as Prince Iaukea (Cruiserweight champion) (with Paisley).

The ring is elevated from the ground, because the ground is sand and this gives a unique angle because the fans are lower than the ring. Chris Candido comes out to watch. Modest is better than the Artist, and that’s not a good sign. Chavo Guerrero comes out too. Modest knocks Chavo off the apron, Chavo and Candido fight. Paisley gets knocked off the apron and lands on Chavo and Candido. Modest pins the Artist! Everyone is shocked. Does this go anywhere with the new booking committee? Probably not. Also, all the belts are vacated in two weeks so it’s not like this earns a title shot.

Sid Vicious has put up a $500,000 bounty for Hulk Hogan. This gets more ridiculous as the night goes on.

Mean Gene talks to the Harris Brothers about the alleged injury.

We see scenes from the earlier Spring Break Out and there are many clips of not only the Nitro Girls, but also Torrie Wilson and Ms Hancock in their bikinis. More on this later.

Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart walk through a hotel, and Vampiro pulls them aside.

Booker vs Big Ron Harris (with Heavy D).

The Harris boys are in jean shorts and sneakers. Nothing about them gives off any bit of love or respect for the business. They’re there because they’re big. And probably some other shady reasons. Jarrett distracts the referee and it turns out Heavy D is not injured. The brothers hit the H Bomb so Ron can pin Booker. What a long injury storyline. All of maybe 30 minutes. The new Harlem Heat run out to attack Booker. Kidman makes the save. And then we quick cut to…

Vampiro warns Hogan about the bounty.

Mean Gene introduces Hulk Hogan. Hogan mentions how much he loves yellow polka dot bikinis. Hogan’s color preferences aren’t usually related to fabric. How is Jimmy Hart with the ladies? “Vampiro is the wrestler of the future.” They’re trying so hard to bump Vampiro up. It’s at the very last moment, but they’re still trying. This promo goes on for far too long. Hogan is challenged by The Wall who is standing on top of a nearby hotel. I really think there’s a world in which this could have been really cool. I’m not sure how but some way that this could have looked like certain doom for Hogan.

Mike Tenay interviews the Mamalukes and Disco Inferno. The Harris Brothers are watching the interview and get mad.

The Jung Dragons come out with 3 Count’s dance circles.

Jung Dragons vs. Mamalukes and Disco Inferno.

Tony Schiavone reads breaking news announcements about Vince Russo during the match. Almost like the match doesn’t matter. Johnny the Bull hits a one jump leap to the top rope, loses his balance a bit, regains it, and then spins to drop the leg. Really impressive. Disco begs for the tag. The Mamalukes slap him in. The Harris Brothers attack the Mamalukes while Disco is beaten up. The Jung Dragons hit a splash and leg drop combo so Jamie-San can pin Disco. Tony says, “in the midst of this announcement, this went down.” Yes Tony, a match happened on your wrestling show while you were reading bullshit press releases. The Harris Brothers beat up the Jung Dragons, as expected.

Team Package walk.

Sting and Vampiro walk.

The Nitro Girls dance.

Mark Madden says, “Eric uses women one way, Vince uses women a different way,” and I feel that this is a loaded comment and we can go over years of WCW to showcase how poorly women were used.

Ric Flair comes out separate from Lex Luger and Miss Elizabeth. All of Team Package are in the ring when Sting and Vampiro jump them.

Team Package vs Sting and Vampiro in a “Texas Tornado match”.

Sting and Lex fight over to the swimming pool. Sting back body drops Lex into the pool! Flair and Vampiro wrestle in the ring but that’s really not the point of this match and no one cares. “The Package comes out of the wetness.” Every year there’s an award for the worst sentence in a romance novel, and if this was ever included it would win. Lex pushes a waiter around. Sting drops Lex’s head in chips and dip. They fight over a bridge and onto the beach. Sting and Lex fight to the water’s edge. Sting back body drops Lex. Sting hits a pile driver in the water. Sting pins Lex while he’s (possibly, it’s too dark to see) under water. Vampiro, still fighting Flair in the ring, gets his hand raised in victory and a lot of people look confused. Sting and Lex keep fighting. The camera cuts to Vampiro again for no reason.

Booker is asked his feeling about Vince and Eric coming back.

We see more clips from Spring Break Out.

Mean Gene talks to Terry Funk.

Meng vs. La Parka.

La Parka does the voice over gimmick again. There’s a referee bump and La Parka hits a BIG chair shot to Meng. Meng shakes it off and locks on the Tongan Death Grip taking La Parka down for the pin. Tank Abbot shows up. But so does Fit Finlay and they fight through the crowd.

The KidCam catches the nWo at poolside from earlier in the episode. Buff Bagwell shows up and tries to hit on the ladies. Steiner sees the KidCam footage and gets mad.

Fit gives his thoughts on Eric and Vince.

The premiere of Bif Naked’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” video from the Ready to Rumble soundtrack. I don’t quite know the musical tastes for the podcast hosts, but Bif Naked is under rated in the States. She’s a much bigger act in Canada. She has some great songs. She’s hot then and still hot now. And every interview she comes across as a super cool person. Whether or not you liked this song, check out her catalog. “I Love Myself Today”, “Moment of Weakness”, and my Christmas playlist always includes her cover of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”

Hugh Morrus vs. Terry Funk.

Next week will be a “best of” episode and again the announcers ignore the match going on in the ring. Hugh powerbombs Funk on the sand which is a nasty looking bump. Dustin Rhodes comes out and hits Hugh with a chair, then Funk, then the referee. Dustin and Funk fight into the crowd. Hugh decides to hit a moonsault on the referee.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart. So now Hogan has decided to put up $500,000 of his own money making the total $1 million if anyone can take out, him. He’s putting up half a million to see if anyone can take him out. There’s a confidence here sure, Hulk Hubris, but it’s also crazy to think of someone betting their own money they won’t get their ass kicked.

Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett (with the nWo Girls) come out. Backstage, Buff and Curt Hennig appear to be arguing.

The Artist says Vince and Eric are going to kill the company. Oh, he’s just kidding. The boys told him to say that. He’s actually really excited. This promo matches his in ring skills.

More Spring Break Out and now we have a Miss Nitro contest.

Steiner and Jarrett vs Hennig and Buff.

Madden calls Steiner a “human suplex machine.” He’s just trying to get punched. This is the most over booked match of the night, and that’s saying a lot. There’s a referee distraction, a guitar shot, and the ladies get involved. The women tend to a hurt Buff Bagwell while his partner Curt Hennig taps out to the Steiner Recliner.

Big Vito gives his thoughts on Eric and Vince.

Madden endears himself to the fans by calling them a “sea of skanks”.

The Wall vs. Hulk Hogan.

The Wall hits a shitty chokeslam on Hogan, and I think Hulk sandbagged him. Hogan pops up. The Wall pops up after a leg drop, so I guess they’re even. They keep fighting and Vampiro runs in, causing a disqualification. Why? Hogan was doing fine. The Wall hadn’t done anything illegal. Hogan and Vampiro clothesline Wall off the apron through a table and the Wall pops right back up. Hogan, Vampiro, and Hart stand in the ring with chairs, holding the Wall back from coming into the ring and that’s how the show ends.

Not only is this the last episode of Nitro for this era but it feels like a great microcosm of WCW. Some things look like they could be fun, but they aren’t. Good talent is on the card, but they’re not against each other. The crowd is hot and excited, but for nothing. Segments look like they could be really cool but fall short. Even with a crowd of mostly young hormone enraged men, and there’s only one featured woman in front of the crowd. The easiest lay up falls short. When WWE is winning and destroying WCW during the Attitude Era – part of which included hot girls in tiny clothes, how does WCW not at least copy that each and every week. I am not saying disrespect women or exploit them but if a hot woman under contract is willing to wear something cute in the ring and feels sexy and empowered by it, then put that on TV opposite whatever is happening on Raw. Put an actual good match on TV. Put a title match on. Raw this night had short matches too but they featured Benoit, Guerrero, Jericho, Chyna, Hardys, Kane, Angle, Rock, Big Show, and more. Even though the matches were short they were bigger and more exciting names in the moment. An atmosphere that anything can happen. I would not choose to watch any segment with the Harris Brothers over any minute of Raw this night.