For those of you who may not have noticed, I am also posting short clips on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube shorts each day. All of this is being done to build an audience back up in my quest to be published. Today’s brief post might need a bit of expansion.

Not to name names or give details because I’m not trying to be rude to those involved, but I should have just gone home tonight. I was working with other people and as has come to be the case recently, I felt that I was not wanted at all. I could walk out the door and no one would care, no one would call me back in. Again, I don’t wish to give too many details but I will clarify that by “no one” I mean the majority. I could stand in one spot with my mouth shut for hours and not be disturbed. If I’m going to do that, I would rather be home.

Which made me debate why I’m wasting my time on such things. My kid, my career, my friends, my writing – these all deserve my time and attention and they all give me something back in turn. This other thing I do from time to time odd nights now feels like an obligation. I’m obligated to be there and others are obligated to address me. But overall I feel like I’m not wanted and most of them treat me as such.

Sure there are some nice people and friendly faces, but I can’t help but feel like a ghost. My career will contact me multiple times during the day if I’m home sick to check in on me. My friends see if I’m active on social media and that means I’m home and we can talk because they’ve been waiting all day. And yet I go other places like tonight and the reaction feels like disappointment that I am there instead of someone more desirable.

That’s fine. I’ll just go be awesome somewhere else. I know how to remove myself from unwanted places and put myself where I’ll be appreciated. But sometimes I have to say it out loud first.