I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last few years. How my brain works, how it works differently than others, and what strengths and weaknesses come from that.

Specifically, my own anxiety. I have had anxiety and panic attacks. I have been frozen with fear. I get stuck in my own head so often it may as well be a second residence. And, I recognize the patterns and how sometimes my mind causes me more damage than the actual events I’m stressing over.

If anyone is already tired of hearing about my new snowblower, that feeling will not be going away anytime soon. It is already one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. I’ve had to use it three times in the last 24 hours and I cannot express how much it has saved me in time and pain. This amount of snow, heavy snow at that, would take me hours upon hours to clear. I would have been lying on the floor in pain. I probably couldn’t have gone to work today because there is no way I could clear the snow before work. 20 or so minutes to clear the driveway. I got crazy tonight and began clearing the sidewalks too. Until the machine stopped working.

Panic set in. This is brand new. This is a gift. I couldn’t have bought this on my own nor could I fix it on my own. I am not good with gears or motors or really most manly things in life. I tried obvious things and still no luck. It’s just not working. I used the little shovel attachment, because despite not being a manly man I know one never sticks their hand into any part of a snow blower. That’s when I felt it.

What is this? Ice? Dirt? A giant clump of grass? No. The obstruction appears to be some sort of winter hat. It is halfway up the chute and the rest is wrapped around a fan blade looking thing that sends the snow out the chute. I’m beyond pissed that this winter toque is ruining my new prized possession.

That’s when my mind started to spiral out of control. It’s broken, I’ve ruined everything, I can’t have nice things. Oh yeah, I go zero to sixty on this stuff. But, here’s where that progress comes into play.

Ok, there’s nothing I can do about this at near 11 at night. The snow blower is frozen, I’m cold, and this hat is definitely frozen too. I’m guessing it was under what the plow dumped. This problem is not going to be solved in the next 5 minutes. I did something new for me. I took a breath, cleaned everything up, and walked away. I can get the car in and out. The snow blower has to be cleared but I cannot clear it in this moment. If I keep fumbling around with this I’m going to do something stupid, like lose fingers.

This problem is still out there in the garage. And I’m okay with that. There’s a good chance I’ll talk to someone tomorrow who knows a simple solution to this blockage that I would not have thought about all frustrated at… going on midnight now.

The TV of our childhoods made us believe that problems are solved in 30 minutes and never discussed the following week. The reality of our adulthood teaches us that sometimes the best solution to a problem comes a day later.