Hello everyone and welcome to the latest homework assignment. Every week without a major wrestling event, the hosts of the At Odds with Wrestling podcast assign each other something else wrestling related to watch. I tag along for the ride as my own writing exercise. This week as part of the semester long homework assignment, we are watching a lame duck period of WCW in between Vince Russo’s booking reigns. This Uncensored pay per view is the last major event for this period, for better or for worse. 

Back in the pre internet days, most pay per view channels would air a pre show before a wrestling or boxing event. The old VHS copy of Uncensored included that pre show, and, there’s not much here. 

Mark Madden interviews Terry Funk. Mean Gene does the live hype from the arena. Gene asks if the strap for Hogan vs Flair will be attached to the left or right wrist? My experience has been eventually one wrist gets tired, and you have to switch. 

During a Ric Flair promo he says, “Hogan, they tell me Florida is your state.” Well, the electoral college would appear to agree. 

Mike Tenay with Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart. Please stop pulling up your shirt, Jimmy! Hogan says he’ll transform from Hulk to Hollywood. Again, I don’t know that Florida approves of people who transform and use straps. 

Mark Madden with Lex Luger and Elizabeth. 

Mike Tenay with Sting. 

Back to Mean Gene, package clips, more Mean Gene. 

Mark Madden with the nWo Girls, then Jeff Jarrett comes in. Mark gets a kiss from Tylene, which shocks me. Jarrett says the nWo Girls will show some skin tonight, but only after he wins. I hope it’s better than the skin Jimmy Hart showed. 

Mike Tenay talks to Sid Vicious, then it’s back to Mean Gene to throw us to the main show. 

Before the show even officially starts the camera picks up an “I’d rather be at WrestleMania” sign and that feels ominous for the evening ahead. 

This hype package actually makes the last few months of WCW look good. 

Team Package arrive. 

Hulk Hogan and Sid Vicious talk. 

Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers walk and talk and discuss their “insurance coverage” surprise for the evening. 

A limo pulls up. 

Hey, we’re live from Miami, Florida. So far this PPV is starting just like a Nitro or Thunder. 

Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Mark Madden are the announce team for the evening. Who the hell did Bobby “the Brain” Heenan piss off? 

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea (Cruiserweight champion) (with Paisey) vs Psychosis (with Juventud Guerrera). 

Both men are in the ring and music plays. It’s Chris Candido! Well, damn. Candido joins for commentary. I’m sorry, “Hard Knox” Chris Candido joins. Candido points out Paisley and asks where’s his valet? I couldn’t agree more. This match is more about Candido showing up than about anything in the ring. 

Psychosis hits this front suplex that looks like it could break a neck. 

Paisley tries to provide a distraction, Juvi kisses Paisley, they have a “cat fight”. Psychosis his a leg drop which should have given him the win but he celebrates instead. Paisley distracts again. Prince hits the jumping DDT – credit to Psychosis for making this look good – and Prince wins. 

“That’s how you fill some time.” Does anyone care about putting on a good show or is this whole company just contractually obligated to put on anything? 

Mean Gene interviews Bam Bam Bigelow. 

XS vs The Demon and Screamin Norman Smiley. 

Lane and Rave – XS – are out first. Ms. Hancock comes out and joins commentary. “There’s another duo.” I get distracted by beautiful women as well but there’s something so disrespectful and exploitive the way Madden does it. Ms Hancock says the XS stands for Xtra Small. Demon shows up, and it’s Norman that comes out of the casket – in full paint too. “Tony, we stink when women are out here.” That’s right Excalibur. I mean, Mark. Three out of the four men in this match look like they bought their leather pants at the same store at the same time. Lane and Rave are always in the ring, only the Demon is actually tagging in and out. 

Ms. Hancock cannot talk. I know that’s not what she’s hired to do, but don’t put her on commentary. 

Smiley with the Norman Conquest for the pin. 

XS blames Ms Hancock for their loss. The Screamin Demons save her, and bring her back into the ring to dance. Stacy with the big wiggle. Interracial pegging? Damn, the Villages are getting wild. Where are Los Fabulosos? The referee dances too. The Big Wiggle is contagious. Even for “rookie wigglers”. 

Booker and Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) talk. 

David Flair, Crowbar, and Daffney plot. Flair tells Daffney to stay in the back. 

The three announcers kill a ton of time. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall.

Fight, both men get an advantage, slam, top rope head butt, two count, big boot – this match is rushed. That was a lot in maybe two minutes. Bigelow hits a jumping DDT?! There’s a clothesline over the top and then a fight in the aisle. This match is getting further and further from the ring. Over to the stage where Mean Gene was for the pre show. The Wall chokeslams Bigelow through the computer desk complete with gimmicked pyro. This match ends in a disqualification. 

Now, David Flair and Crowbar attack. A stretcher is brought out for Bigelow. The Wall and Crowbar fight to the back. Daffney is heard screaming, but not seen. The Wall and Crowbar reappear on the scaffolding. Crowbar has the presence of mind to move the curtains out of the way. The Wall chokeslams Crowbar off the scaffolding and through the stage. Again, a gimmicked fall but it still sounded and looked gross. The fans chant for the Wall to jump. This whole bit is impressive, but no one remembers! Why risk your body for a moment few will see and even fewer will remember? I ask this as I’m debating on watching the GCW NGI this weekend. Crowbar is loaded into an ambulance. Everyone is concerned. I mean, the show is called Uncensored and so far this is the closest anything has come to the name. 

Mean Gene is talking to Brian Knobbs who says “I’m dedicating this hardcore title match to you two brothers.” That feels wrong. Like dedicating a bullet to Lincoln. 

3 Count comes out to dance. Shane Helms has a broken nose. Knobbs cuts the music before they have a chance to dance. 

3 Count (Hardcore champion) vs. Brian Knobbs. 

This is a gauntlet match for the title. Tony asks how they can pay attention to the match after what they just saw happen to Crowbar. I mean, I get what they’re going for but the announce team barely pays attention to half the matches already. 

Knobbs brings out a cart full of plunder. 

Shane goes up high on a ladder, splash. Evan goes up, corkscrew splash. Shannon goes up and misses a senton splash. Knobbs uses this to recover. He blasts a fire extinguisher at the champions. Knobbs hits Helms with a chair and gets the pin. This is a gauntlet match, but Knobbs’s music plays after this pin. 

Madden says, “someday someone will go under the ring and there won’t be a table.” And someday we will all live in harmony, but that day is not today. 

Knobbs powerbombs Evan off the ring and through the table on the floor. This looked almost as gross as Crowbar’s fall. Evan is pinned. Shannon takes a chair shot. There is so much trash in the ring. Knobbs has Shannon, someone dropkick Knobbs. Shannon makes the pin but Knobbs is in the ropes. Knobbs kicks the title belt into Shannon’s face. Knobbs then comes off the middle turnbuckle with a trash can and makes the final pin. Knobbs is the new champ and “respectability just came back to the WCW hardcore division”. I don’t think the words respectability, hardcore, and WCW have ever been used in the same sentence before. 

The limo is still outside. 

Vampiro cuts a nonsense rambling promo in the shadows. 

Booker and Kidman (with Torrie) vs Harlem Heat 2000. 

Wow, that is one short dress. Shorter than many matches on WCW programming during this time. Hey, we get double breathe right strips! J Biggs joins for commentary. Big T looks more like Ahmed the Butcher here. Big Cass eats it. Kidman gets a tag and is immediately slapped down. Why is Torrie on the apron? More importantly, what is a “yak rider”? Big T “dives” over the guardrail to tackle Kidman. What in the dangerous work environment was that?! Kidman is continuously beat up by unsafe people. 

Booker gets the hot tag. What is it with heel teams tonight not knowing when to get out of the ring? Kidman makes the save. Kidman knocks Cash/Cass/whatever into Stevie. Kidman with a sunset flip off the top, Booker kicks Big T so he flips over and Kidman gets the pin. 

Fit Finlay vs. Vampiro. 

Mike Tenay gives a medical update. 

Oh, this is a Falls Count Anywhere match. 

Finlay picks up a WCW trademark padded chair and the referee takes it away. Vampiro kicks the chair into Finlay’s face. They fight at the announce table. Probably fighting over which one of them gets to take up that fourth chair at the table. Hey, someone move the kids out of the way so Vampiro can fall into the audience. The fight goes up the stairs and there’s apparently no security and all of this just screams chaos and danger for a company that has already shown a lack of attention to details. 

The fight goes into the men’s room. Vampiro leaps off the top of the stall. Trash cans are swung. This is getting dangerous. The red lights in the concourse area is not helping any bit of this feel any safer. They fight outside the building and come back in. Is there any insurance? For the wrestlers or the fans in this situation. Nasty back body drop onto the floor. Vampiro hits a Nail in the Coffin for the pin. 

I’m not saying this is the best match on the card, but it’s definitely the craziest. 

Vampiro goes back into the arena to celebrate. Was there any way for the crowd to watch the action?  A tron? Big screen? Anything? 

Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers talk. 

Mean Gene talks to the Mamalukes and Disco Inferno. 

The Harris Brothers (with the nWo music, which disappoints the crowd) vs. The Mamalukes (tag team champions) (with Disco Inferno). 

This is a no disqualification match? 

Disco joins for commentary. What in the hell? Three of them aren’t doing a good job, who thinks a fourth voice will help tonight? 

I’ll say this about this long journey of WCW we’ve been on. The Mamalukes try. They are at least doing the best that they can do. Johnny the Bull leaps over the top to go after one of the Harris brothers and his momentum carries him so far he’s half way across the ring and bear crawling. Gifted athlete but there’s nothing in place to help him. And it’s not like he’s going to improve against the Harris boys here. Mamalukes hit a “Brooklyn bomb”. The Harris Brothers really have nothing other than being big. Really just worthless. 

Disco comes in and hits one of the Harris boys but still only gets a two count for his team. Vito gets hit with a belt, and then Disco and the Bull take a hit too. The Harris Brothers hit an H-Bomb for the pin and are the new tag team champions. 

This match is just awful. The Harris Brothers are so bad I find myself thinking the Mamalukes are underrated stars. 

Finlay has an interview in which he puts over Vampiro. That seems odd. Maybe there’s some reason for putting over Vampiro that we will discover later tonight. 

Mean Gene interviews Lex, Liz, and Flair. 

Mean Gene then interviews Dustin Rhodes. 

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk in a Bullrope match. 

At this point I start wondering if this pay per view is not a full three hours or if I’m missing a match or two off of the video I’m watching. (The show doesn’t run 3 hours.)

Funk comes out with the chicken once again, but it is not a funky chicken. Someone in a chicken costume comes into the ring and acosts Dustin. Rhodes gives chase and runs right into Funk. The bell rings but there’s no bullrope yet. “This should be called a cowbell match.” I mean, maybe, but that doesn’t sound quite manly enough. “Youth vs. experience.” Dustin is by no means a rookie. He doesn’t have as much experience as Funk but he’s got plenty. Funk teeter/totters in the ropes and falls to the floor. The bull rope is finally attached. “Are we officially started?” “Kind of after the fact.” WCW everyone! 

“He gets up again, we’re going to see that a lot tonight.” I know they meant it’s tough to put Funk down but it sounds like, hey there will be a lot of 2 counts tonight. Well, yeah. 

I feel like if there’s no blood a bull rope match is just a glorified strap match and there’s already one of those tonight. 

The chicken is back? “Sound effects? During a match?” If only this was a one time thing. 

Dustin chases after the chicken but he’s still attached to Funk. Nasty uppercut to the nuts with the cowbell. Funk says he’s changing the rules and making this an I Quit match and then hits the referee with the cowbell. This is WCW so I would not have been shocked if this went through. 

WTF is happening? Dustin quits, but again, this is not an I Quit match. The referee says it’s pin fall. Dustin hits Funk with the cowbell. Dustin piledrives Funk onto the cowbell and gets the pin. 

Dustin beats Funk down some more. Funk comes back, and Dustin runs away. 

Get a free Outsiders shirt? Well, by all means let me get a shirt spotlighting two wrestlers who have been heavily featured not only tonight but also over this period of WCW. 

Mean Gene talks to Sid. 

The lumberjacks come out for the next match – Jimmy Hart, Curt Hennig, Doug Dillinger, Brian Knobbs, Finlay, and Vampiro. 

The Total Package (with Elizabeth) vs Sting in a Lumberjack match. 

Lex has no lumberjacks on his side. Lex also “maintains this physique on the road”. Yes, however does he do it? Only time will reveal the answers. Lex apologizes to the lumberjacks. Then Lex brings out his own lumberjacks – all wearing casts despite not having broken arms. The heel lumberjacks are Hugh Morrus, Harlem Heat 2000, and the Harris Brothers. Madden says they “voluntarily broke their arms”. I bet there’s a few people backstage who would have done anything for some air time in this era of WCW. 

Lex jumps Sting right away. 

“This match is so good we can’t talk about that right now.” So, every other match on every other show that gets talked over and ignored is not good? Way to put over your talent. 

Tank Abbot comes out, punches Doug Dillinger, and walks away. Again on this show I ask, WTF? 

All of the lumberjacks start fighting and the fight takes them to the back. Well, that’s one way to get rid of them. With a no lumberjack lumberjack match. Oh, Vampiro is still out here. Flair and Liz come out. Vampiro fights with Flair. Ms Hancock and Torrie are great, but Liz is no slouch here either. Flair attacks Sting but has no luck. Liz hits Sting with a bat. Vampiro gets her down from the apron. Jimmy Hart grabs Liz and motions her away. I can’t say drag or pulls, because Hart doesn’t show any sort of strength or dominance in this. I bet Liz could have kicked his ass. The referee barely looks away so that Vampiro can hit Lex with a bat. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin. Sting and Vampiro hug after the match. They are now brothers in paint. This is a bigger moment for Vampiro than his match less than an hour ago. 

Mean Gene interviews Tank Abbott. It’s a lot of gibberish. If I can piece it together, I think Tank is saying that because Dillinger was a lumberjack, he was fair game. 

The limo door opens but we still don’t see who is inside. 

Jeff Jarrett and the nWo Girls walk. Sid is told he’s up next. 

I mean this implies that Hogan pulled something backstage so he can be in the main event. 

Michael Buffer introduces the wrestlers. At least he was ready to go. 

The cameraman keeps showing random women with more cleavage than the average at ringside. Oh, and another one. 

Jeff Jarrett (United States champion) (with the nWo Girls) vs Sid Vicious (world champion). 

Again, Jarrett teases skin but only if he wins. The nWo Girls are still out here and there’s no way they know what to do at ringside. 

The fight goes into the crowd and the announcers say the referee is giving some leeway in this match. Didn’t we already have a DQ tonight? On a show called Uncensored? 

The Harris Brothers jump Sid in the crowd and take him back to the ring. Jarrett is back and takes advantage. There’s a lot of stalling going on. Jarrett puts on a sleeper. Sid tries to Hulk up but eventually drops. Sid does the keep the arm up on the third attempt spot. One Harris trips Sid. The other is up with the title. Sid reverses and Jarrett hits the title but this only gets a two count. Sid goes for a chokeslam but Jarrett hits a low blow. Jeff takes out the referee and then hits Sid with a guitar. 

Here’s the surprise and it’s controversial referee Mark “Slick’ Johnson. We see Hogan over Mark’s shoulder, so the surprise doesn’t happen. Johnson runs down and counts one, two, and here’s the non surprise Hulk to take him out. Hulk attacks Jarrett and the Harris brothers with a big boot and a leg drop. The first referee is up and counts the three for Sid to win the match. 

Then, Scott Steiner runs out and hits Hogan with a guitar. Sid takes out Harris. 

Hogan is on the ground and Flair comes out to start their match. Okay, this actually makes some sense to put Hogan and Flair in the main event. It flows out of the closing of the world title match. 

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair in a Yappapai strap match. 

Jimmy Hart is out now too. Hogan and Flair strap up and fight outside. Back in the ring and Hogan has control. Hogan takes off his weight belt to use as a whip, beating Flair. Flair is opened up a little bit while taking punches and bites from Hogan in the corner. 

Too much Hogan in control in this match. Hogan gives Hart some slack from the strap to beat Flair. 

Hogan no sells, surprise. 

The fight is on the ramp and Lex comes out to hit Hulk with a chair. Hogan is now opened up a little. 

Back in the ring and Flair unhooks from the strap so he can chase Hart. He hooks back up in the ring and Hart jumps on Flair. Hart gets beaten up. He’s had a busy night. 

Flair finally starts touching the corners. Hogan is dead weight and grabs the bottom rope to prevent Flair from touching the fourth turnbuckle. Flair breaks out brass knuckles. Sorry, brass knux Chris Candido. There’s a pin attempt? And a two count? WTF? 

Hogan Hulks up and hits a big boot. Hogan starts touching the corners. Lex comes in. Big boot to Lex. Leg drop to Flair. With a pin? A three count?! The bell rings and after that, Hogan finally touches the fourth corner. 

Hogan poses. Hart is in the ring too. 

As the announcers go off the air they wish everyone well. “Crowbar as well.” They already forgot what was the worst thing they had ever seen earlier in the night. 

I have been trying to find good in this series. But there was a lot of head scratching moments tonight. And most of them involve people who should know better. I see only one solution to this. That’s right. It’s time for term limits in wrestling! Funk changing a match. Hogan going for a pin in a match where they don’t count. Their age is becoming a factor. It’s time to go with a youth movement. Youth like… Dustin Rhodes?