Once again we all gather together to watch another masterpiece of cinema starring Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. As part of an ongoing project with the At Odds with Wrestling podcast, the hosts and listeners like myself are watching a randomly generated selection from the Rock’s film library. This week we watched the movie inspired by the classic Disney World ride, Jungle Cruise. 

I missed this movie in theaters because honestly if my son didn’t want to go to it, I wasn’t going to spend the money. It looked fine, but no trailer pushed it into that must see level. Now, having finally watched the movie for this assignment yields mixed reactions. 

I’m not sure how much plot synopsis to give in any of these articles. The plot will be gone over on the podcast, and the movie has been out for many years. In brief, the Rock is the skipper of the Jungle Cruise that travels along the Amazon and its many branches. The Rock gladly takes money from tourists, he has rigged up all sorts of gimmicks along the way, and he loves telling dad jokes. All of this is straight out of the actual ride, and that’s about all that the ride has for plot. Now where to go? Emily Blunt pretty much plays Indiana Jane – stealing artifacts for noble reasons. She has a mystic piece – the Arrowhead – which will lead her to the tree of life which is somewhere in the jungle. Along the way we have a German prince and some cursed conquistadors that are also searching for the same thing. The Rock helps out Emily and her brother, who is there for comedic effect but it doesn’t land quite how it was intended. There’s adventure, there’s comedy, thrills, and chills galore. Character growth, lies, truths, reconciliations, and more.

In the Disney pantheon, the movie works. This fits in perfectly with the rest of the Wide World of Disney and Disney Channel movies from the 1960s on. No swearing, no nudity or sexual situations, no gore, nothing that could make it inappropriate for family viewing. And that’s what a Disney movie should be. The bad guys are scary and there are some dramatic moments, but there has to be. Even Swiss Family Robinson had some intensity. If I really wanted to push over why the movie is PG-13 and not PG, it’s the brother. While not flat out said, there is a scene between the brother and the Rock where it is highly hinted that the brother is gay without flat out saying it. Now that the Rock has this information, there is some silliness when the brother asks questions. Later when the Rock is in pain the brother asks if he would like to bite down on his stick. If a kid gets the joke, it’s harmless and juvenile but for many kids this would go over their heads. Yet I do think this is what pushes the movie into a higher rating. 

But what is my own rating? Would I watch the movie again? Yes, but not on my own. With my son or if it’s on TV while the extended family is eating Thanksgiving dinner, something like that – sure. However, I feel that part of that slightly enjoyable overall neutral feeling is the result of watching so many other movies starring the Rock over the past year. The Rock plays a guy who tells a dumb joke to no reaction. He’s kind of an asshole only out for himself and even when he does meet someone that he could love he still screws them over one more time before learning his lesson. He has a pet that he loves so that the audience can see that despite being an asshole he is capable of loving something. He is shown swimming to help someone. He plays guitar for no good reason in the story but it is used to give exposition. He gives nicknames to anyone he has multiple scenes with. 

Overall, Jungle Cruise takes the bare plot from the ride, one part Indiana Jones adventure serials, and a big heaping helping of instant Rock – just add river water. There is a lot that falls apart with too much thinking. To be spoiler free, how has the Rock lived by the river as long as he has and yet apparently he’s poor and owes way too much money for his boat? There’s a lot of action movie physics which are great for cool scenes but seem impossible for the real world and especially the time frame of the movie. And who knew Metallica was around during the age of European exploration? A modern song played on a classical instrument is still a modern song. 

Now, all that complaining aside, I did like the movie. I paused the movie once and that was because I started watching it on my lunch break and finished it at home. I would watch it with someone else without hesitation, and I think that says a lot about how this movie is meant to be enjoyed. 

I called into the podcast recently to make the point that wrestling is meant to be enjoyed with other people. Either a gathering at someone’s home, or live. To watch it by yourself at home takes away some of the enjoyment. Movies like this are the same. Dumb jokes are funnier in a group. The cliffhangers moments are more dramatic when a crowd is collectively holding their breath. Hell, even the ride that inspired the movie is meant to be enjoyed with a boat full of strangers who all happen to be in line at the same time. One scream of surprise radiates through all the seats. One person laughing at a dumb dad jokes causes ripples of more giggles. One person playing guitar so they can reveal their character’s back story… well, maybe that one is a solo mission.