While it’s snowing and/or flooding outside, this week’s homework gives us all warmer thoughts. As part of the ongoing series from the At Odds with Wrestling podcast, I will give my thoughts on this week’s homework assignment and then Joe and Adam will discuss the same on their Patreon show. Today we warm our hearts by watching the Valentine’s Day episode of WCW Monday Nitro from February 14, 2000. Over the last year of watching this era of WCW we’ve fallen in love with those all too familiar faces like Jeff Jarrett, Sid, the Mamalukes, David Flair and Crowbar, and so many more. Who knows how many will appear on tonight’s episode. 

We are live from the Nassau Coliseum in New York, New York. Well, we will be once WCW is done showing four minutes of recaps. Tony Schiavone and Mark Madden are the commentators for the show tonight. I did not watch this episode on Peacock, and thus was able to enjoy the original music throughout the show. This does make a difference and if anyone ever gives the choice between live or edited, go with the original broadcast. This is also why so many people are building up their physical media collections. 

Jeff Jarrett, the Harris brothers, and the ladies of the nWo come out. Once they get to the ring, Jarrett immediately dismisses the women. There’s some heel heat. Also seems like a waste of money. However much any of these ladies cost to be there. More on that later. 

One of the Harris boys says this is the elite. This version of the nWo? There’s three people. MetaFour on NXT is a bigger faction. Sgt Slaughter in his Iraqi sympathizer days had a faction of equal size. Orange Cassidy has more best friends than this elite version of the nWo has members. 

Kevin Nash appears on the ‘Tron with two porn star looking nurses. I need to do some research but I’m typing this up while on my lunch break at work and I don’t feel like testing how close the internet access is monitored. Jarrett has the Harris boys hoist up ring announcer David Penzer and they threaten to break him unless Nash’s feed is cut. It is cut rather quickly. WCW shouldn’t give into terrorists! But it doesn’t matter because Nash’s music plays and here he comes. Turns out Nash is in the house along with his LPNs. Commissioner Kevin Nash is on an electric wheelchair and carries a bat – way too many accessories. A lot of words are said soberly. Nash makes the SuperBrawl main event a three way match. Nash mentions he’s been doing rehab at a well known NY establishment called Scores. Oh remember Scores? This is legendary Howard Stern show time for that place. I wonder if the nurses came from Scores. I used to live next door to a girl from Scores. That’s a story for another day. Nash makes a main event for tonight too. 

All of that said and done, Tony and Mark recap what just happened and hype up the rest of the night. 

Ric Flair, the Package, and Elizabeth arrive. 

Three Count rehearses. 

Norman Smiley talks to Lane and Idol. 

Ms Hancock walks. Tank Abbout is getting ready. 

Whole lot of action so far on this show. 15 plus minutes in and Penzer has been the most physically active person on the show. 

3 Count has a promo. The audio is messed up and I have no idea if it’s my copy of this or the whole gimmick of 3 Count. A very meta technical issue. Norman Smiley comes out in hockey gear. Lane comes out. Now it’s Norman and Lane vs all of 3 Count? “What looks to be a tag team handicap match.” Looks that way to me too. Moore dives over the top and lands on Norman. Lane goes over the top and lands on his head. Nasty bump but he seems to be ok. All 5 have dove outside about a minute into the match. Hey, Ms Hancock comes out. 

To the fan in the crowd: you’re already showing your ignorance by bringing a sign that says “hey whore” to a nationally televised wrestling show. Holding said sign upside down does not bolster anyone’s opinions on your intelligence. Ms Hancock joins commentary and is on the headset. Oh, this match doesn’t matter. Good thing they all did their dives in the first minute because that’s the last time anyone is paying attention to the match. That said, Norman is so much better than anyone else in the ring at this time. I’ll say Helmes got really good but at this moment Norman outshines the rest. Speaking of outshined, buy this episode of Nitro on VHS today and witness the night that Ms. Hancock danced atop the WCW table arena! Madden got tipped off early and said he glued a mirror to the desk. Would that work? I don’t think one mirror is enough. I think a system of mirrors to play the angles and bring into focus is needed. Like a pervert telescope. Everyone turns to watch Ms Hancock. She leaves. Oh hey, there’s a match going on! Even Charles Robinson is distracted. Norman gets one of 3 Count – Shannon maybe? – to tap out. 

3 Count tries to dance and sing again. The camera focuses on a female fan and this poor girl, I just have to imagine something was said somewhere . 3 Count is still dancing after the commercial break. Tabak Abbot comes out. Tank pushes them all down and out of the ring. 

Meng talks to someone. I couldn’t make out who. 

Tank Abbot vs Rick Fuller. 

Big Al is sitting in the front row. How did he get tickets to the hottest show in the city? Fuller has been out 8 months. Well, I hope he was paid while at home. Tank tosses Rick, punch, TKO, and Tank leaves. 

Tony and Mark talk about Tank and the UFC. “Human cock fighting but humans, not…” There’s a certain age that would find this joke hilarious – but me then, me now, and Madden at the time are all past that age. Mike Tenay interviewed Tank earlier today. His goal is to hurt people. Tank talks about his time in the gym. Tank went to the gym?! His history with Big Al. They’re going to have a “skins match”. What the hell is that? Oh, it’s a jacket on a pole?! What the hell? Too many poles. 

Speaking of things found on poles, let’s head back to the nWo locker room. Jarrett is on the phone with someone. 

Dustin Rhodes tells us to “leave the rough stuff to the pros”. I think the nWo nurses could have the same PSA.

Mean Gene interviews Paisley and the Artist. “I like to watch, as you do too Mean Gene.” You know, you learn more and more about the sexual predilections of wrestlers every day. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy.” Could this be the one and only Sir Psycho Sexy as foretold by the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) and Vampiro vs La Parka and the Artist (with Paisley).

Vampiro kicks La Parka in the head and Parka then slides out of the ring and lands on his head. That concrete floor is getting a lot of play tonight. Torrie and Paisley got into it. Billy separates them to the boos of a generation. Vampiro gets double teamed while this is happening. Vampiro tags Kidman in then leaves because he’s pissed off he was part of the wrong three way action that just happened. Such a dark character and yet he avoids the devil’s threesome. Kidman gets double teamed in the bad way too. The Artist goes for the pin, La Parka rolls over the Artist for no known reason and then the Artist pins Kidman. 

Terry Funk is getting ready.

Kevin Nash is in the back on the phone and still hanging out with the candy strippers. Nash makes tonight’s main event a title match. 

Disco Inferno has a surprise for the Mamalukes. There’s a wedding reception going on back in the parking lot! Oh just like every girl dreams of. This is Big Vito’s sister’s wedding. What did the Backstage post look like for this? “Need family of Italians to be in the background of a local pro wrestling show”? 

Hey, here’s round two with the Mamalukes. Vito gives his sister a wad of cash as a wedding present. Some floozy extra is getting felt up to a point that could change the rating of this show. 

Rhonda “Monster Ripper” Singh comes out. Mona comes out. Madden reminds us what a ladies man he is by saying, “if she has no standards, I could use the practice.” But enough about me in college. Oklahoma comes out. This episode of WCW Nitro officially has more women’s action than any episode of AEW. Madden implies that Oklahoma is propositioning ladies in the back and then sneaks in the line “he didn’t want to buy it either, that’s the problem.” In the words of Jamie Foxx, “Do I smell a whore?” Is Madden implying there might be some sort of relations for money transactions backstage at WCW? Can a company have hookers on retainer? This might explain the nWo girls and the nurses. 

Hey, back to the match. Rhonda looks like a threat. Bertha Faye always looked like a joke to me. Oklahoma introduces the guest referee, Madusa! Oh my. I’ve always been a big fan and I think she looks amazing here too. Not amazing though: Oklahoma joins for commentary. Mona is wrestling without shoes?! That seems dangerous for any wrestler but much more so here. Madusa is distracted and misses Mona’s pin attempt. “You got a sloppy beaver” sign. Alright, I’m convinced WCW was trying to push the envelope WWF Attitude style and had no clue how. Boobs! Swears! Innuendo! Oklahoma saves Rhonda from a sunset flip pin attempt. Madusa kicks him away, Rhonda attacks Madusa. Rhonda then squashes Mona and Oklahoma counts the pin. Rhonda kisses Oklahoma. This might be the most overbooked single minute of wrestling I’ve ever seen. 

Back to the Mamalukes party and Disco Inferno is being introduced to everyone except a single person who could have advised him when to keep his mouth shut. Grandma doesn’t want Vito to spit when he’s out there. 

Jarrett is on the phone and he’s got a title match tonight. Yeah, we know. 

Terry Funk walks. Lex Luger and Elizabeth walk elsewhere. 

Mean Gene interview Ric Flair. 

Lex and Elizabeth come out and Lex has that now iconic chair. Lex poses and it looks like it hurts him to move. Funk pops up and grabs Lex’s tear away pants. Now there is no doubt, it does hurt to move. 

Lex Luger vs Terry Funk.

Give Lex credit, he’s a monster and he’s selling every bit of Funk’s offense. Lex gorilla press slams Funk through a table on the floor. This is a shockingly competitive match. Arguably the best match of the night. Funk with a moonsault and he somehow lands on his head, on Lex, and on a chair all at the same time. Funk wins by DQ thanks to the chair. Arn runs down to ringside to take away the chair before Funk could be hurt anymore. 

Mean Gene revealed that in a swerve the title match tonight is not for Sid’s world title but for Jarrett’s US title. 

Jarret is mad in the locker room. Nash gets assistance from the nurses, who look more and more vacant in the eyes as the night goes on. 

Sid is confused then laughs. 

At the Mamalukes wedding banquet, Daffney crashes the party and catches the bouquet. David Flair and Crowbar come in and ruin the reception. 

New Harlem Heat (with J Biggs( vs David Flair and Crowbar (with Daffney) vs the Mamalukes (with Disco Inferno )(WCW tag team champions).

The Mamalukes are covered in cake. Disco joins for commentary. Crowbar, Flair, and Charles Robinson messing with the Mamalukes’ hat is the most entertaining part of the match. 

Hold that. Daffney is now eating cake. That’s up there with the best moment of the night. The Mamalukes win. I stopped paying attention to anything in the match. Harlem Heat beat down the Mamalukes, then Flair and Crowbar did the same. The Mamalukes family cries. They must cry a lot. Someone is loaded into an ambulance and the Mamalukes want to talk to Mean Gene. 

Bam Bam Bigelow (WCW hardcore champion) vs The Wall. 

Whole lot of plunder in this match. The plunder and the match itself is just garbage. Bigelow wins. Then Brian Knobbs attacks him. The Wall gets up and choke slams Bigelow.

Mean Gene interviews the Mamalukes. They want an “Italian Stretcher match”. What the hell would this be? Is it manufactured in Italy? Is it covered in sauce? Awful. 

Hey, here’s a Valentine’s Day present from the Nitro Girls. They’re still around? This should have been great but I don’t know who is who because they don’t matter anymore and haven’t been featured in forever. 

Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart appeared on Imus in the morning. Remember when that was on MSNBC? I can’t imagine it would be now. 

Dustin Rhodes vs Chris “Champagne” Kanyon.

Kenyon comes out with two Nitro Girls. Now these are the two girls – fans, grouplies, whatever they were meant to be – that he’s been coming out with but there weren’t any Nitro Girls. Now that they’re still in their Valentine’s Day outfits, because this segment couldn’t have been put elsewhere in the show and give the girls time to change, it’s obvious they’re Nitro Girls with nothing else to do on the show. What kind of company would pay all for these women to just hang out and look pretty with no other duties? Anyways, Dustin gets the quick won and this is a nothing match. 

Ric Flair warms up. Mean Gene interviews Hogan and Hart. 

Booker walks.

Mean Gene interviews Booker, who has stopped walking. 

The Demon vs Booker. 

Booker comes out to his “Leave it to Beaver “ music as part of his ongoing story against his brother. Booker with a big Alabama Slam/Sidewalk slam thing for the easy pin. 

Ric Flair walks.

Michael Buffer is here to do the intro for the next match. 

Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan. 

This is a turn back the clock, best of, greatest hits kind of match. Do these two legends look good for themselves in 2000 or do they look good compared to their 2023 counterparts? Or both? Hogan has the ref tied up. Flair grabs some knux from his tights. Flair stalls while waiting for Jimmy Hart to come out. Flair knocks down Hart. Flair with an elbow. Hogan press slams out of a pin attempt, and then Hulks up. All the classics. Hulk with a big leg and then Lex attacks Hulk leading to the DQ. Hart and Elizabeth fight. Funk slowly comes in to help and then he’s hit by Lex and Liz. Hogan fights back. Hogan celebrates way too long. Lex comes back and hits Hogan with a bat. Lex “breaks” Hogan’s arm much like he has done to Hogan’s friends over the last few weeks. 

Hogan vs Flair was fun until the screwy finish but this classic match up was just a set up for less memorable matches to take place at SuperBrawl. 

Mean Gene interviews Sid. 

Ernest “the Cat” Miller comes out. Mean Gene says there’s still no James Brown. The Maestro comes out to have words with the Cat. “Toe to toe with the ‘Stro.” What a highly quotable evening. Cat chases off Stro and this whole segment wasn’t worth it. 

Jarrett and the Harris boys walk. Nash is on the phone. 

Jeff Jarrett vs Sid Vicious. 

I know this match will have shenanigans, so I just don’t care. Sure enough. Jarrett gets upset over a two count and attacks the referee. Sid locks on a crossface. The Harris Bros are out to help and now it’s a three on one attack. Jarrett hits Sid with the guitar. The bad referee slides in and counts the three for Jarrett. 

I’ll watch SuperBrawl for free as an upcoming homework assignment. However, nothing going on with set ups, screwy endings, or announced matches throughout the last few weeks of WCW television would have pried $30 from my wallet to order the PPV in 2000.