Here we go again, but for the last time. Do I have brand new readers, or is everyone familiar with the routine by now? Each and every week that the At Odds with Wrestling podcast isn’t covering a major wrestling pay per view, the hosts assign each other things to view from the wide world of wrestling. This week we all watched the last film in the Marine franchise, the sixth movie Close Quarters. 

As I have done with previous Marine films, I don’t take notes during the movie. I take notes while watching wrestling and matches, but these movies have a certain familiar flow to them which does not require filling a notebook. This movie continues the tradition of including other WWE Superstars in the movie. Shawn Michaels and Becky Lynch are added to the Marine universe. For good or for bad? Stay tuned. 

This is arguably the worst of the Marine movies. Maybe because by now we know the routine. But more than that it feels rushed. Let’s get this contractually obligated movie finished and out to the masses so we can all move on. The movie is barely an hour and a half and at least ten minutes of that at the end is a tribute to the franchise and the end credits. There is padding galore throughout the film. Sometimes a movie is compared to a video game with levels and bosses of those levels until the big boss is faced. This film has that in a way, complete with a two player option. However, much like Goombas popping up repeatedly, these bad guys seem to come back over and over again despite apparently being dead moments earlier. The big boss, who I was looking forward to most, is barely on screen. She just pops up to tell us our princess is in another castle and then off screen once again. 

Miz and his former commanding officer, Shawn Michaels (yes they have character names but does it matter) are driving around checking in on veterans that need help. Miz is still technically an EMT so this must be a thing he does on his off days. They show up at this old brewery thing, a giant building that is home to many squatters. Off the grid, no one bothers them, but this veterans reach out team is going to make sure they’re alright. Some sort of owner of the building or whatever the hell he is shows up and is awkwardly showing off his new gun. I mean it’s obvious from the start he and that gun are going to be a problem. All of the veterans appear to be gone, and run out of town quickly as well. Shawn and Miz find one familiar one locked away and wishing to remain alone with his few things and his gun. Everyone is ready to call it a day when they hear a noise and voices which demand to be investigated. 

Here are the villains of the film. This young girl (too young to really be a romantic interest for either) is kidnapped by Becky Lynch and friends. The girl’s father is on a jury for some Irish mob figure trial. Becky and crew tell the father he needs to create a mistrial or else they’ll kill his daughter. We see him a couple times in the movie doing what is asked of him but it really doesn’t matter. This is just the set up for having someone need help. 

Shawn and Miz find Becky and crew on the top floor. It’s obvious something bad is happening. They can’t walk away. Now the fights start. The building owner/whatever dies quick, thankfully. Miz and Shawn grab the girl and there is a series of adventures and fights throughout this abandoned building. They’ll defeat some people, Becky will come in to say they all suck and try harder, another fight begins somewhere else. This is pretty much the movie. 

Shawn is having fun being sarcastic, not taking it seriously, and channeling his best “I’m too old for this shit” trope. Miz is just there honestly. There was a certain charm and determination beforehand that isn’t here now. It would make sense for Miz to hand the franchise off to someone at the end of this movie but Shawn’s hips can barely hold his own weight much less the weight of six more movies. 

There is a scene in which the three heroes are trying to escape by slowly sliding down some sort of grain chute. It’s different, it’s funny, but dramatic. It was at least something new. The villains keep popping up over and over again. They respawn until I guess they’re all finally dead at the end. The veteran that’s hiding comes to the rescue just in time, only to die later on. There’s a game of hide and seek in a set of tunnels under the building and under the port that is alongside. Again, this whole movie is a paint by numbers video game and the underground is a new location for a new level. I’m jumping over a lot, but it really just doesn’t matter. 

In the tunnels all seems lost. Becky has the girl. Miz and Shawn are pinned down. Miz gets shot and knows he’s not going to make it. Miz covers for Shawn so he can escape but Miz takes way too many bullets for a human (more on that in my Marine 7 pitch). The Miz dies but we still have ten more minutes of a movie. Well, twenty, but half of that is credits. Shawn escapes the tunnels, shoots everyone on a boat except for Becky, the captain, and the girl. Shawn then runs and makes a leap that there is no way in hell is body could actually do from the shore to the boat. Shawn kills the captain and then has the finale fight with Becky. This is the most she’s in the movie and I wanted more, because she’s been my favorite for years. Unfortunately, Shawn grabs a rope and wraps it around her then throws the anchor overboard, which drags Becky down worse than her step dancer gimmick did. 

Later, all of the cops have arrived and they’re taking this absurd statement from Shawn. How are these guys not arrested after the movies pending further investigation? The girl is safe, Shawn says goodbye to the Miz, and that’s it. We get a loving tribute to Miz and the movie is over. 

Over the course of the last few months as we’ve watched these movies I’ve had fun with the movies and enjoyed them for the disposable movie bubblegum that they are. I was looking forward to this one for the addition of Becky, and yet she came along too late. Miz tries his best in earlier movies but this felt rushed. A whimper of an ending to these movies. However, that’s why we need a seventh film. 

As part of the podcast, we’re all bringing our pitches for another Marine adventure. I’ve had an idea since the last few movies that this film actually helped. See, when the Miz dies he takes far more damage and far more bullets than any human should. He keeps coming and seems a bit of a, shall we say, zombie. That is where this needs to go next. 

In the 1980’s and 1990’s the United States government experimented with altering the DNA of soldiers to create unstoppable fighting machines. This was known as Project: Undertaker and we see one of the earliest test subjects supporting the troops and beating people up. The serum is adjusted from permanently changing the DNA and creating irresistible monsters into one that is activated by increases in adrenaline. Situations like a Marine on leave, or private security, or an EMT might run into. We learn through Shawn Michaels that he and the Miz were test subjects, but there are more. Shawn is using his work through the veterans association to take these test subjects once they’re out of the military, and putting them into quiet communities where they hopefully won’t have anything happen to trigger their fighting abilities again. Head scientist Chad Gable (with a 4.0) and Otis are in charge of the local doctor’s office/observational lab. 

One of the retired Marines has a car accident nearby which triggers the adrenaline response. Despite trying to control the situation, it’s too late and Rhea Ripley is now taking out everything. She is destroying this community and all around her. It’s going to take a Marine to stop a Marine, and hey let’s get an actual Marine in here who I have no doubt is full of enough charisma to carry this movie – Montez Ford to the rescue! It’s Montez vs Rhea across, wherever this takes place, it doesn’t really matter. Car chases, bullets, fighting, all of it. Rhea gets the body count instead of our hero (Miz) killing more people than the villains. Ford survives at the end because if this works as well as I hope it would, he could star in a few more movies after. 

This pitch is the same one I’ll call into the At Odds podcast with so if you’ll be listening along with me on Friday thanks for hearing it all twice.