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Hey, I got to Raw by Wednesday!  That’s a win lately.  Working at 9, up at 7 every day and staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning at least to write up a Raw review just seems exhausting some nights.  One day.  I dream of one day in which I am paid to write from here and every wrestling show is watched live and my thoughts are instantly sent out to all of you.  Ah well.

Speaking of dreams, long time readers will have a dream come true today.  That’s because the Solace Winter times are back!  For new fans fellow site writer Solace Winter will contribute the times and I will re-evaluate my opinions after seeing this.

Lets skip to Raw!

Looks like a hot tag team match is starting Raw.  Team Hell No vs. the Prime Time Players.  Damn that sounds like a good time.  Maybe the PTP will get a title shot.  Some fun things could take place between these two teams that have amazing chemistry and love to run their mouths.  Ah shit.  The Shield is in the stands.  And they’re getting closer.  Well, nothing good will happen here.  Lets just jump ahead to the DQ.

And there it is.  The Shield takes out Team Hell No.  As expected.  I’m wondering what the plan for this was going to be before Punk’s injury.

Team HellNo vs. Prime Time Players – 8:25
Bryan wins with a rollup

Daniel technically won?  That’s weird.  I thought for sure the Shield came in beforehand.  Guess I need to pay more attention.  Eight plus minutes is a great amount of time for these two tag teams but this wasn’t the showcase it could have been.  All set up for the next step in this angle.

Sheamus and John Cena talk about tonight’s match.  Its just a silly backstage segment but dammit Sheamus drops a Father Ted joke.  I usually mark out for a wrestling reference on non wrestling shows and here’s Sheamus flipping the shillelagh, as the kids say.  The kids say that right?  Sign onto Netflix and watch a few Father Ted episodes.  You’ll thank yourself.

Tamina vs. AJ.  Possibly Tamina’s best in ring work on WWE TV.  Not counting NXT of course.  But for Raw or Smackdown, this was by far her best.  She dominates the match.  Absolutely destroys AJ.  Cole and King say she’s the strongest WWE Diva.  Which is true.  But Beth is gone.  And really, lets put Natalya next to her in the gym.  I’d be very curious who steps ahead of that one.  Can it be videotaped as well?  Just, you know, so I can judge.  Yeah that’s it.

Oh right.  The match.  So Tamina beats the hell out of AJ and then little miss cant be wrong steals the win with a roll up.

Tamina vs. AJ – 3:21
AJ wins, though it looked like Tamina kicked out

Only three minutes?  Sounds about right.  Any longer and it would be unbelievable that AJ had anything left and could pull off the upset.  I saw that Tamina kick out but I felt it was more of a slip than an actual kick out.  I’ve been known to be wrong though.

CM Punk and Paul Heyman love CM Punk’s long title reign.  The Miz wants Punk to take a lie detector test.  Back to this later tonight.

 

Super Cena and Super Sheamus vs. Poorly Booked Big Show and How Not to make a future World champion Dolph Ziggler.

Damn I somehow got all my opinions in that previous sentence.  Big Show is not booked as champion.  If I turned off WWE for the last month everything would still seem like Sheamus retained the World title.  Also, for a guy that’s carrying around the MITB briefcase Dolph has been booked so unevenly.  He’s beat clean here too.  John Cena has beaten Dolph numerous times now, so why not have the match at TLC?  No one wants to see Cena with a ‘case.

John Cena & Sheamus vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler – 8:59
Cena wins on Ziggler

9 minutes for this?  There is no need for a squash match to go longer than 3 or 4.  And that’s all this was, a glorified squash match.

Damien Sandow’s search for an apprentice was quite damn good.  Its a great gimmick for any show, any PPV and any house show.  Damien should enjoy many many extra paychecks for all of these appearances.  Keep an eye on Sandow, he’s going to win one of the singles titles when you least expect it.

Damien then squashes Santino.  How short a time?!

Damien Sandow vs. Santino – 2:40
Sandow wins

Now that’s how you book a squash!  None of this 9 minute crap.

Dolph Ziggler complains to Vickie Guerrero.  Brad Maddox complains to Vickie.  What is it about Brad Maddox?  He looks like every slimy playing-the-game-t00-hard reality show villain from the last 10 years.  I don’t mean that in a good way.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio.

Surprisingly good.  Its always a risk anytime Sin Cara is out there on his own.  He doesn’t even always click against Del Rio, who in theory should be his best opponent.  But then again Del Rio doesn’t always click.  Sometimes watching him is actually painful.  That’s a terrible thing to say about a guy who is a main event and multiple time champion but here we are.  However, all of that said, this was a very good match.  Not the best from either, but one hell of a bout.  I might rank it number two out of the evening.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio – 9:26
Del Rio wins via submission

That 9 minute time frame is usually the perfect amount for a good TV time match.  Not that 9 is perfect, as seen by the World’s Finest tag team match earlier tonight.  Nine minutes also gives Del Rio time to breathe and he seems to excel in longer matches.

Vince McMahon talking to Vickie Guerrero is the most pulling teeth-iest moment of wrestling in 2012.  Its too forced and drawn out.  If anything, they seem like a hype team on E!  Coming up later this month, the red carpet!  Dolph Ziggler, who are you wearing?  BTW you look quite fetch in your hashtag heels.

Brad Maddox gets his ass handed to him via Randy Orton.  How long did this ass squash take?

Brad Maddox vs. Randy Orton – 1:14
Orton wins, lol

Just over a minute?  Fantastic.  That’s all this needs.  At least his YouTube show is longer.  Also, if you can all bond together and be sure I never write the words “ass squash” together again that would be great.

The Shield attacks Randy Orton.  I’m going to guess that before Punk got injured Orton would have teamed with Team Hell No at TLC. But really, anyone that can take Randy out is a friend of mine.

More people come to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Weekly bathroom break.

Teddy Long explodes the WWE Universe when he stops a tag team match!  This goes against everything!  Anyways, we should all bless him because instead of a tag bout we get:

Kofi Kingston (IC champ) vs R-Truth vs Wade Barrett vs Antonio Cesaro (US champ) 4 Way for the US title.

Holy crap this was good.  There aren’t many times I say this during the year, but this match absolutely needs to be on the best of 2012 set.  Even Truth impressed me.  Every single guy had a spotlight and got over, plus got over everyone else.  The near pin falls were some of the most dramatic and close that wrestling fans have seen in years.  A match that is worth rewatching numerous times.  You know what.  It is worth watching again:

 

Unfortunately its not the whole match.  But if you can, really really seek that out.  Antonio has a forearm out on the floor that will be on highlight videos for years.

 

Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro vs. Wade Barrett vs. R-Truth – 9:18
Cesaro won against Kofi

There’s that magical mystical 9 minutes again.  I’m going to start paying attention to this time frame.  Maybe keep a running tally.  But this really was, by far, match of the week.  Maybe even the month.  I know its only the 5th, but I stand by that!

The single leg big swing!

Miz brings down CM Punk, with Paul Heyman, to take a lie detector test.  Punk is apparently scared of Ryback and doesn’t think he can win.  Before Punk can answer a question about the Shield they show up and take out Miz.  Team Hell No comes down to help.  Ryback comes out.  3 on 3 throughout the arena with Punk standing over a fallen Miz.  Eh, not too bad there.  Good set up for the PPV.  Ryback then comes back and attacks CM Punk.  Tables ladders and chairs are all used.  Ryback puts Punk through a table and looks like a god in the center of the arena.  Adults and children pumping their arms screaming Feed Me More!  This must be one of the biggest highs of Ryback’s life so far.

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