Sorry readers, the last several days have been seriously crazy, but I am going to try and get caught back up!

I am going to be posting a weekly blog at True Blood Season 5, so here’s from the Season Premier! Enjoy!

Episode 1 “Turn Turn Turn”

Well, it’s the time of year many of us lovers of True Blood have waited for! IT RETURNS! Time to get my pop corn and my DVR remote (so I can pause when necessary and gaze at beautifully formed naked man-ass…You do it too! You know it! No hatin’!) and enjoy the show! And now for a break down of my favorite guilty pleasure!

 

**SPOILER ALERT**

 

We left off with a dead Jesus, Dead Marcus, dead Nan Flanigan, dead Marnie, dead Debbie, dead Tara. Well, almost dead Tara. Now, this story line wins the “Most Obvious” of the year award Pam turns Tara over to the Vampire side (although one has to wonder how exactly this happened since getting your skull blown out by a shot gun usually means instant death). They try to build suspense by not knowing if Tara turns or not, but we all know she does. And she’s bat shit-crazy. This could be much better then moping Tara.

Lafayette, oh how I love Lafayette, but he’s needs a little season 1 spark back in him. And perhaps a little more glitter eye liner. I am hoping for some good moments between him and Vamp Tara.

Sookie turned down both Eric and Bill in last seasons finale (What are you, CRAZY?). And in one of the best lines from the season opener was when Eric says “Fuck Sookie.” That man NEEDS MY PHONE NUMBER. I will be interested in what they do with her love life this season. As an avid fan of the books we know that Sookie has other relationships and another man in the mix might add something….nice for the viewers. Not that I am complaining about naked Askars, by the way.

Speaking of naked Askars, we get to see his fine musculature after Eric and Bill are rescued (after being captured for killing Nan) by Eric’s Vamp sister, Nora, who he proceeds to bone. Frankly, the whole religious vampire sect/government/cult Authority is boring to me, and kind of beating a dead (non-vampire) horse. The Authority eventually recaptures them in the most boring plot sequence in awhile.

Terry has PTSD. The hot guy who guest starred on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ plays his army buddy. I hope he gets naked. Otherwise, they had better take this story line somewhere.

Gay Vampire Steve Newlin! I can’t wait to find out who is maker is! “Fangs are vampire hard-ons” Oh Jason, you say such sweet things! Steve glamors him and tries to make him his gay sex slave, but alas Jessica ‘saves’ him. Then she screws him, turns him down and parties like a frat girl. I hope they take Jessica to a really petty and fun place, every now and then we need good, light fun!  Hoyt is still mad at Jason.  Bro’s before Ho’s yo!

Sam, Alicide, and Marcus. Packleader killed, torture of Sam. Alicide wearing entirely too many clothes. I wonder where they are going with this, but this story line dragged last season so hopefully something good happens here.

 Pam. Pam needs her own section. I can’t be the only Trubie out there who just downright fucking LOVES Pam. I think we need a Pam fan club! I think she’s the best written character (besides Lafayette) because shes got sass and is not moping or apologetic. )Knowing the maker/child relationship I hope crazy vamp-Tara and Pam get it on a bit, Pam is overdue!), She just flat out doesn’t give a shit and tells it how it is. When I grow up, I want to be Pam.

 

So with every weeks post, I will be giving you my best Pam quotes and words of the week:

Pam’s lines of the Week

(After seeing Tara and Debbie’s dead bodies at Sookie’s house) “Color me impressed, you guys know how to party!”

“I am wearing a Wal-Mart sweatsuit, for y’all, and if that isn’t a demonstration of team spirit I don’t know what is” (as she’s being buried with Tara as part of the ritual to change her to vampire)

 

Pam’s words of the week:

“fucktarded” (in reference to bring Tara back with half her brain blown out)

“Super-snatch” (this one should be obvious in reference to Sookie).

 

This episode was good, but there are a few story lines that I feel are either going to be lame (Terry) or go no where this show hasn’t gone yet), The Authority. So we will see.

Otherwise, OMFG RUSSELL EDGINGTON IS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE. I can’t wait for the chaos!