Sam Proof’s Weird News: Gravy Wrestler Gets Attacked.

 

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Sources:
Coming

Transcript:
Welcome to the Weird News delivering disturbing diatribes deliberately to the denizens!

This just in! Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Good gravy that stings! and NINJAS!

A man in Southington, Ct thought the coast was clear when he attempted to steal scrap metal from a local company. The coast was clear, except for the fact he accidentally butt dialed 911 alerting police to the crime. The man, Michael Gorneau used to work with a regular accomplice but now just works with any ole asshole.

A medical marijuana delivery man claims to have been robbed by Ninjas. He was making a delivery in west covina, Ca when he was approached by two men dressed as ninjas and carrying batons. He claims to have dropped the weed and fled and swears he did not smoke the weed himself. Also Abe Lincoln and a guy in a panda suit may have been there…..and a monkey…….is anyone hungry? Who wants to watch TV?

and finally Gravy-wrestling model hit in the face with monkey wrench after finding friend having sex on her sofa! No…..REALLY! Gravy Wrestler Elsa Sampson came home to find her friend having sex on the couch with her boyfriend. A melee ensued and Sampson was struck in the face with a monkey wrench. Sampson, who is the 2010 gravy wrestling world champion suffered injuries to her face and right eye. Doctors believe the injuries are severe enough to force her to retire from gravy wrestling, dashing her 2012 olympic dreams, though they think with enough training she could still make a comeback in pudding, jello, cole slaw or possibly the sequel to two girls on up.

Thats it for this week. Remember, you can get involved by submitting stories on our Tumblr, sending clips of yourself reporting weird news to SPWEIRDNEWS@GMAIL.COM, posting a video response below, just make sure the ninjas don’t steal your stories…..and wrestle with them in gravy…….smooth smooth gravy! Also submit a video of you saying one of our many tounge twister openings posted on out tumblr and you to can be in on the news!

This is samproof for SPTV saying, I’m Sam Proof, you’re not. stay weird interwebs!

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