Last week saw WrestleMania, the debut of Lord Tensai and the return of Brock Lesnar.  What will this week bring?!

Apparently it will bring the Three Stooges.  Well there is something that doesn’t make me want to watch the movie and I very much doubt it makes any Three Stooges fan want to watch Raw every week.

John Laurinitis comes out with a new TitanTron and entrance music, oh and David Otunga too!  Ace introduces Brock Lesnar, and its a good thing because now he’s coming out.  I do recall many of the wrestling sites reporting, just earlier today, that WWE would not mention UFC on air.  I’ve heard those initials twice already.  So…. so much for that theory.  Brock barely starts to speak when out comes John Cena.

No words (well not on the mic), Cena walks right up to Brock and slaps him in the face.  Massive pull apart brawl.  Neither the referees nor David Otunga can separate the men.  The locker room empties out to pull them apart.  Holy crap this actually helps.  Its everyone, even champions, who are out in the ring.  Cena’s mouth is covered in blood.  These are all light touches, but its making for one hell of a moment.  Hawkins and Ryder, together again!

Seriously though.  To see the new group of road agents, every wrestler from NXT up to world champions, all come out to keep these two men apart and its still not enough?  Damn.  Throw this match inside a Hell in a Cell and count the cash.

Good job by WWE camera crew showing Brock’s punch on Cena.  Gives a UFC level to this worked show.

Speaking of worked though, Ace blaming Teddy Long for all of this was a bit strange.  Stranger still is Eve coming in to continue her … ways.  (LOTS of words you could throw in there.)

Brodus Clay and Santino Marella (US Champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero).

I’ll learn the names of Funkasaurus’s dancers when they do something, anything that is worthy of my learning them.  “But they come out and dance!”  Well then why don’t I learn the names of all 30 dancing grannies from WrestleMania?  They’ve contributed just as little/much to WWE and Brodus Clay.  You want a woman who makes a difference in wrestling?  Oh look there’s Vickie Guerrero.

If fellow Hellion Rob didn’t enjoy Dolph’s “mudflap” shirt gimmick he’s going to love the backwards sunglasses.  I look forward to his thoughts on this.

Michael Cole has been doing “dinosaur research”.  Well he damn sure hasn’t been researching wrestling for over ten years so its nice to finally have an answer to the question – “What the fuck have you been doing all day Michael Cole?!”

Cole then laughs for no reason.  You have two former world champions, the current US champ, and a monster in the middle of a major push – and you laugh?  Mike Adamle is better than Cole.  Brodus gets the tag and destroys Dolph then gets the pin.  Well that’s a great push for Dolph.  Poor Ziggler.  Its becoming the year of the giants in WWE – Brodus, Brock, Tensai, Ryback all within the last week.

Ace says dumb shit to Teddy Long and Long brings in Cena.  Fast forward to there is more stupid shit between the two to book end this.  But in between John Cena cuts one hell of a promo.  Wait.  Is there a chance Brock was brought in to make John Cena look stronger?  Cena is booed by many.  Brock received the biggest homoerotic ovation I’ve ever heard in my life.  What if Cena is meant to get hit, to bleed, to take a beating yet come back, all to make him look strong against Brock Lesnar?  This could be great.

Santino Marella is looking for the Three Stooges.  Santino is great, but this is quite horrible.  He runs into Kane and runs off in fear.  That was real real close to ruining all the work Kane has done to build his character back up.

R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes.

Cody has added the Alabama Slam to his arsenal and its a nasty one.  Could be good enough to be a finisher but we wont find out this week.  Big Show comes out to embarrass Cody again.  Its a video within a video which was odd.  Cody turns around and runs right into Truth, losing this match as well.  Next week will be interesting.  Quite possible we’ll have three layers of video plus the fourth of what is happening live.

More Santino and Three Stooges stuff.  I cant possibly continue to care.

Its falling flat, the crowd couldn’t care less, and all that is accomplished is Santino looks like a better comedian than the stars of this far too expensive movie.

Lord Tensai vs. Yoshi Tatsu.

All excitement I had for this match went out the window when Michael Cole informed us that it is a feud started over Twitter.  Really?  Did the mean girls at school do anything today?  What did you have for lunch?  How much did you like Pretty Little Liars tonight?  Fucking get over it.

Three Stooges trended number one.  I want to watch a wrestling show!

Tensai just blows through Yoshi.  Every move looks like the referee could stop the match.  Either for Tensai being too aggressive or for Yoshi being out on his feet.  Eventually it is too much and the bell is called.  Nasty looking update on the Claw post match too.  Cant wait to see more of that.  Taking a plain, forgotten move, and putting this dangerous spin on it.  The mysteries of the Orient!

What’s that?  Oh sorry.  I got lost watching CM Punk be the best in the world.  See, there are only two options for any boy.  You want to be exactly like your father, or nothing like him.  When Punk says, “I smelled like my father” half the audience cringed in sympathy (well, if half are women then half are men and half of those might like their dads so a quarter of the audience for sure!).  Many of us wrestle with the problems within our families.  Some are obvious, some are hidden, but every family has some story.  The only thing worse than private shames are when they are made public.  Especially due to events that are out of your control.

Kudos to CM Punk for pouring so much emotion into every word he speaks.  Even when he stumbles over a word it adds more.  He doesn’t sound like a bad promo, he sounds like a man overcome with emotion.  Its a real tough story line, but Punk is pulling it off like only the best in the world can.

CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs. Mark Henry.

Well that was fast.  Punk’s emotions get the best of him.  He pulls out a monitor and breaks it on Mark’s face.  Punk is going to go even further when Chris Jericho comes out and brings the party with him.  Mark Henry uses this alcoholic distraction to manhandle Punk.  Punk is destroyed and Jericho picks his spot.  Henry looks like nothing more than a henchman tonight.  Punk tries to fight back, and makes a good show of it, but he eats a Code Breaker for his troubles.  What in the hell is Jericho pouring on Punk?  It looks like Genesse beer.  Maybe Punk would drink if he had a better tasting option.  Jericho leaves CM Punk laying and this is going to be one hell of a match at Extreme Rules.

Zack Ryder vs. Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez).

Well, Ryder’s push is done.  There was next to no reaction from the crowd when he came out.  Way to kill a potential Superstar Vince!  Just because he didn’t get over when (if) you wanted him to.  Ryder is having a damn good showing, but you just know it wont be enough.  He makes one mistake and that’s all it takes for Del Rio to lock on the arm bar for the victory.  Del Rio did look good, but Ryder looked even better.  Holding his own against a former world champion.  Maybe its a sign of a better future for him.

More Three Stooges backstage nonsense.

The Three Stooges come out to the ring and that’s some very hateful boos from the crowd.  Hulk Hogan’s music plays and Will Sasso as Curly as Hogan comes out.  There is a fantastic crowd shot in which this woman thinks for sure Hulk has just returned to WWE and the man standing next to her is obviously thinking, what a bunch of shit.

Joke around all you want, the fact is that in 2012 WWE had to use Hulk Hogan (in a way) to get something over.  The lessons of the Attitude era have not lingered.

Kane comes out to hopefully kill a Stooge or three.  Kane choke slams Curly Will Hogan and hopefully that’s the last we see of any of this.

Mark Henry has yet another match with CM Punk next week.  Good way to keep him fresh and in the spotlight, but absolutely no one is expecting a title change on free TV.  Especially not Mark Henry right now.

Josh Matthews interviews Brock Lesnar.  He left WWE and in that 8 years only spent time in UFC.  No mention of Japan, the Vikings or I’m sure there’s some other crap in there I forgot.  Beef jerky?  Spencer’s Gifts?  Not a bad promo but it would be soooooo much better with Paul Heyman.

David Otunga (with Ace) vs. John Cena.

Your eyes do not deceive you.  David Otunga has a main event match.  A few minutes into the match and Cena is wobbly, but I couldn’t tell you a single move that Otunga did.  Well, he’s covered in oil, but that’s not really a move.  David has come a long way in a year, there is no arguing, but he is still no where near a ring leader.  There is no psychology, no subtlety within the match.  Cena gears up the 5 Moves of Doom and gets Otunga to tap out to the STF.  There was no competition here tonight at all.  Brock!?

Brock Lesnar comes out of no where.  For real no where, not the announcers trying to proclaim it as such.  Even on the replay I’m not sure where he came from.  A low blow and an F5 later and John Cena looks like he is no threat to “the Anomaly” .

Most telling is that even Michael Cole is saying what Brock is doing isn’t great.  Not that Cole is defending Cena, but he is definitely starting to be “against” the invader.  Either Cena is turning heel, or Brock is going to become such a monster heel even the heel announcers will want nothing to do with him.