Its the night after WrestleMania and changes are afoot in the WWE!

The entire WWE roster is gathered together to learn what changes the new GM of both shows will implement.  Johnny Ace makes a shitty match for Santino.   CM Punk comes into the room and insults the new boss (same as the old boss!).  Punk also gets put into a match.  Its all about Johnny’s new idea:  People Power.  Most likely hashtag #PeoplePower if I had to guess.

The Rock comes out to start off Raw.  If WWE was looking for shocks and surprises to start the momentum to next year’s WrestleMania, mission accomplished.  Because I cant believe the Rock is still here.  Thought for sure right after ‘Mania he would be taking the first flight out to the USS Flagg.

The Rock takes too long to cut his promo or get to any point.  The crowd is on his dick like I’ve never seen before.  Rock continues to feed them some bullshit pie.  There is no way he’s not a phony.  Oh and he just said he’s home.  Everyone in the arena has lubed up their asses for the Rock’s boot.  Willingly.  Men, women, the mouse that ran past Alberto Del Rio.  Its a whole lot of ass kicking going on.  Lips to Asses… now trending.

JAC?  JAC!  In my thirty plus years the phrase has always been Jesus H Christ.  Not Jesus Ass Christ.  Not that the letter H makes a whole lot of sense, but it makes more than throwing “ass” in the middle.  Then JAC is chanted, and trended and all sorts of crap like that.  Maybe JAC fit better than JHC on his wrists.  Rock has hijacked slang.

Rock’s matches flow like his promos.  Even the build up to his matches.  The Rock comes out, stalls and has the fans kiss his ass for awhile.  Then he stumbles trying to do something new until he eventually finds his groove in the old familiar spots.

The Rock equating a John Cena fan with being gay is brought to you by WWE’s anti bullying campaign.  Remember everyone, lets make fun of queers!  That doesn’t count as bullying right?  I gotta admit, I’m loving the crowd picking up on Daniel Bryan’s “YES” chant.  That will break loose from wrestling and be seen in arenas around the world within a year.  Rocky announces his intentions to be WWE Champion again, soon.  Guess this means he is going to stick around a little longer than ‘Mania weekend.  It would be great if he mentioned CM Punk’s name in any of that.  John Cena a lot, but nothing about Punk.  Not even about Jericho.

Santino Marella (US Champion) vs. Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler (both with Vickie Guerrero).

Dolph and Swagger double team Santino and also showboat.  Neither man sees Santino as a threat.  As a push to make these guys a tag team it would be great.  But for a singles belt its inevitable.  Dolph goes for a pin but Jack pulls him off.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex and its all over from there.  Swagger bomb is stopped by the feet.  Dolph gets tossed out of the ring.  Santino catches Jack with the Cobra and lives to hold his title one more day.

Santino tries to power walk/”run” away and yet again it looks like curtains for the US champion.  But up ahead there is hope.  The Funkasaurus has been woken!  Santino hides behind Brodus Clay and there’s a way to keep him over without actually wrestling a match.  Dance party to close out this portion of the show.  I still don’t know how any of that leads to ratings.

Lord Tensai debuts!  Lord Tensai vs. Alex Riley.

Well there is the official end of anything Alex Riley had going on in WWE.  Michael Cole announces that Tensai is a former WWE Superstar who went to Japan and dominated.  Yeah, pretty much.  Didn’t A-Train have more tattoos than that or am I thinking of his body hair?  Tensai reveals himself and the fans chant both “welcome back” and “A-Train”.  Oh the name A-Train will very quickly fade away.  Tensai is a beast.  Lord Tensai destroys Riley.  The match ends with a referee stoppage.  Very impressive work.  He did everything he had to do in this match but there is still the feeling he has not shown everything.  Tensai spits water and what…. he brought back the CLAW!  One of the least respected (well unless you’re a Von Erich fan) and much joked about finishing moves of all time has been given a very modern and very devastating twist.  Yeah, this guy will be wearing gold very very soon.

CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs. Mark Henry.

This may just be Mark’s best match of his career.  Whether its all Mark and he has finally put all of his pieces together.  Or the more likely, that Punk is carrying him through one hell of a match.  Henry needs to always talk during his matches.  No one does the super villain banter thing.  I want to see more of it.  Doesn’t even matter if what he’s saying makes sense.  I’ll enjoy the hell out of it anyways.

Punk needs to hit a spinning back kick, a Macho Man elbow, the high knee, twice, and its still not enough to get Mark Henry pinned.  Mark tosses Punk out of the ring and we wait for him to climb back in the ring.  8…9…what the hell?  CM Punk actually gets counted out.  Mark Henry looks very bad ass in this.  He may have not won the title, but all signs point to – he could have.  So far Punk’s worthy challengers include Rock, Mark Henry, and much much more to come.

Johnny Ace says he sees a thunderstorm in Punk’s future.  Well Earthquake is dead and Typhoon is too old to be a threat.  Try for another analogy Ace!  Chris Jericho comes out through the crowd and his story with Punk leading into ‘Mania looks to be continuing.  Jericho dumps alcohol down Punk’s throat and all over his fallen nemesis.  Jericho goes in for the kill and slips on the mat.  While some will make jokes, the fact is that it made all of this more intense.  Chris finishes the promo by smashing a bottle over Punk’s head.  Much much nastier than I expected from an angle I thought was all over.  Bring on round 2!

Sheamus comes out to celebrate his win.  Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo, don’t worry) wants a shot at that title and the next feud story begins.  I was starting to warm up to Del Rio before his injury but now it will be like starting fresh.  Make me believe in you ADR!

Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston.

Big Show comes out and distracts Cody.  Kofi gets the win and will Cody and Big Show actually continue to fight each other?  Doesn’t seem like a good enough concept to warrant any additional matches.

Eve comes out to talk about WWE’s anti bullying campaign.  Actually she puts over “People Power”.  Oh this is bad.  Every single bit of it is bad.  Eve cant wrestle, cant talk, but she must be able to give it up.  That’s the only reason I can think of for him to stay.

The Miz vs. Zack Ryder.

Here’s where I realize I’m falling asleep in the chair.  Miz gets the win but its a good match.  Zack doesn’t look awful.  You almost expect him to lose much more than win.  Doesn’t mean any lack of respect though.  This could be the start of building Miz back up into the Main Event.  For his career I can only hope so.

John Cena comes out to address the fans and the WWE Universe.  The fans start chanting “we want Lesnar” and Cena no sells it.  Everyone starts to think that there’s no way Brock is coming out.  John asks for the Rock to come out so Cena can tell him how awesome the Rock is.  What in the hell?  That doesn’t even make sense.  Even as an excuse to go out there and swerve the crowd away from thinking Brock will show up, why would Cena just want to tell Rock he’s awesome?  Crock O’Shit.

Cena “understands the excitement in the air” which all but confirms Brock.  He then asks the fans to give him some time to pour his heart out, and, you know, verbally suck the Rock’s dick.  Wanting the Rock to come out, even if everything positive John’s saying is a lie, just sounds like shit.

John calls out the Rock and waits for the entrance music.  Brock Lesnar’s theme hits and I’m going to have to revisit my list of the biggest pops I’ve ever heard in wrestling.  This was insane.  The smell of all the released testosterone has gone skyward to form a super being who will bodyslam celestial beings.

The fans chant “holy shit” and the censors just let it go.  They must be just as shocked to see Brock return to the WWE.  Brock shakes Cena’s hand and immediately puts him up for an F-5.  Amazing scene but why in the hell would John Cena trust Brock?  Cena should know better by now to not trust anyone.  Hell, I think a similar saying is on some 3:16 shirts.

Brock will be nicknamed the Anomaly.  I am going to bed to think of other dumb things John Cena does.