Wrestlemania Predictions

Ahhh, it is Wrestlemania season again! The Drama! The Thrills! The Chills! The pointless celebrity matches!

I have to say, the build up is a bit schizophrenic, but maybe it seems that way to me because I am usually watching RAW or Smackdown after 8-14 hour days. Anyways…

Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres VS Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos.

To quote the Miz “Really?! REALLY?!” Sigh. Another cupcake match with a tossed in celebrity. Last year the “Snookie” match was the one where you got up to go to the bathroom (okay, I didn’t really, only because I was actually at Wrestlemania 27, but you get my point). This will be the same. I think the attempt is to bring in a wider base of viewers but I think it’s insulting to the general WWE viewer. You want to bring in a guest? Make it someone who is a believable wrestler (or at least a celebrity who could actually kick some ass—Michelle Rodriguez anyone?) like they generally do for the men. I hope it is a good match, and lasts longer then two minutes but I am not going to hold my breath. I see Kelly Kelly and Maria winning because it will make good press for the WWE on the E Network. My super secret hope? After they win, Kharma’s music will hit and the much anticipated and needed Diva’s shake-up will occur.

To Win: Kelly Kelly and Maria

Randy Orton VS Kane

I will admit that I don’t always catch Smackdown. Bad Lindsey. However this match seems like it should be a good one. Although I am sad that they dropped the Kane/Cena storyline (I REALLY wanted to see Cena “Embrace the Hate”, but we know that’s bad for business, booo) I think this has a lot of potential. I agree with Rob that I wish there was some sort of stipulation for these two heavyweights. We already know that Orton can embrace the hate, but can Kane handle Orton? I think so. I think and hope they’re going to beat the hell out of each other. I see many a Choke-Slams, RKOs, and hopefully some chairs. I see the Spanish Announcing table going down during this match and some underhanded moves by both. Orton is smooth like warm butter in his moves but Kane is brute strength. And I think Randy is due for a good beating.

To Win: Kane

Team Teddy VS Team Johnny

This match is pure enjoyment for me. John makes me wanna punch him, Teddy makes me laugh, PLAYA. I do think they are great teams and I like that this is giving a lot of the talent a chance at the spotlight that they would not have had otherwise. I like the build up and storyline (and who am I kidding, his abs too!) for David Otunga on Team Johnny. I think he’s avoided a generic billing and is starting to build a nice spot for himself in the WWE and think he will be strong. As will WSM Mark Henry, and I hope he’s got some entrants into the Hall of Pain. I think McEntyre and Swagger might be weaker links and I am interest to see exactly what the Miz does. Team Teddy seems a little “lightweight” in comparison. We haven’t seen a great deal of Khali, but there is a lot of potential for Ryder and Booker T. I am interested in seeing how R Truth develops through this arc, I loved his “little Jimmy/conspiracy” storyline—he said it, we all were thinking it. I think the stand outs here are going to be Santino because of his large fan base and Kofi Kingston. Kofi is LONG OVERDUE for a larger title push. I think he’s a great wrestler and I feel as if there has been a void since Jeff Hardy left for a high flyer who is powerful and can play with the “big” guys. If Team Teddy wins I think it will start to take him in that direction. So, for the win? Team Teddy. Say what? I think the younger guys NEED this win more then the others. They’re needed by the WWE to start headlining so the more popular guys can have vacation, and to keep expanding the fan base. Yes, they’re not as strong as Team Johnny but I think they’re clever and entertaining. Also, Teddy Long is entirely too damn funny, and has been with the WWE too damn long for them to let him go. He’s a great personality, especially when paired with Vicki.

To Win: Team Teddy

Cody Rhodes VS Big Show

Cody Rhodes still reminds me of a drunken Phantom of the Opera has a six pack a day habit. The clear mask did it for me, and I can never rid myself of that image. I wish he’d had a cape. GAH! Tangent. I think the Big Show “loser reels” has been a highlight of this match up. I do think that Rhodes makes a good heel, he has a knack for getting under his opponents skin like a sliver. You can feel it, but you can’t get it out. Not as in your face as CM Punk, but has the potential in future years to be just a delightfully devious. If he loses the drunken enlongated speech. I do think this is Big Show’s match to lose, as much as it is Takers. I think Big Show losing though would really damage his career, relegating him to Hornswaggle status and I don’t think the Universe is ready for that. I have a lot of respect for the Big Show and the work he does out of the ring and I think it is his time for a glorious Wrestlemania Moment. Rhodes has many WMs ahead of him and I think his ego could use a bit of a beat down. I see Show snapping (due to the taunting) and kicking Rhode’s ass from one side of the arena to the other.

To Win: The Big Show

Shameus VS Daniel Bryan

Shameus is tearing up with ring right now. Turning in a baby-face has skyrocketed his career, in my opinion. I didn’t like him all that much when he first came to the WWE because he came out of nowhere and I didn’t feel like he paid his dues, especially when compared to other wrestlers like John Morrison. But he grew on me. However, D Bryan has been impressive with his weasely approach to keeping his title. He is someone great to love to hate. I thought that bringing him in after his NXT stretch (however brief) with the Miz was a great story, but he was just so generically “good”. Now he’s a total jerk. Jerk in the way he keeps the title, a Jerk in the way he treats AJ. He’s the terrible ex boyfriend that all of us women had, and probably dated too long. Except he probably has a better body! Ha ha! I do think though that he’s held onto the title too long and Shameus’ momentum is going to huff, puff, and blow the little D Bryan down. I can see Bryan running away, perhaps back stage and Shaemus following. AJ will get in the way, but I don’t think Shameus will care as much as Big Show did. Mostly, I am looking forward to watching Shameus bruise instantly—as a painter is always fun to figure out how I would mix colors in the evolution of bruises through out his matches. HA HA.

To Win: Shameus. With a Celtic Cross. Bonus if it’s off the announcer table and D Bryan lands on Michael Cole.

CM Punk VS Chris Jericho

I have high hopes for this match, I think that Punk is wrestling as good as ever and is kicking ass and taking names on the mic. Jericho’s comeback, while silently annoying for awhile, has been “shocking” in the last few weeks. It is nice to see someone be Punk’s equal both verbally and physically. I wish this match had some kind of stipulation, just to up the ante. I am going to say they end up in the seats and give those with a floor seat one heck of a show. As much as I would like to call Punk on this one, I am going to go for Jericho for the simple reason that they didn’t bring him back without promising a title. Also, if done right this rivalry could last well into summer and keep the Universe on the edge of our seats!

To Win: Jericho

Triple H VS Undertaker

I have to say here, this has better be one hell of a match, because last year sucked. I don’t know how it looked from home but from my floor seat in Atlanta it was disappointing, especially considering how AWESOME the matches with Shawn Michaels were. Hell in a Cell is promising, and these guys owe the fans the re-do of all re-do’s, the match of all matches! I am not sure how much I like Michael’s being a referee, seems a bit like the WWE universe is pandering, and I worry it is setting up at least one more match for Michaels when HHH loses. (no matter how much Michaels says he wont wrestle again) That’s right, I think this is Taker’s last and final win, 20 – 0 is Epic and I don’t see anyone taking that away from him. I recently read though that Michelle McCool is preggers so I wouldn’t be surprised to see Taker step away from the ring. I think we’re going to see lots of Pedigree’s, a few Tombstones, and at least one Sweet Chin Music (I call this one will be hit on Taker after the match, cause you can’t have Wrestlemania with Mr Wrestlemania without a SCM). Picking Taker over Triple H is a bit painful because I LOVE Triple H, but I think the Streak is sacred for the WWE Universe, although I think it would be awesome to shake it up.

To Win: Undertaker with a Tombstone—at least 3 of them.

John Cena VS The Rock

I remember being at the RAW last year when this announced, the area was literally electrified. Do I think it will be a good match? Sure. Do I think the lead up, with all of the smack talk has been HILARIOUS? YES—especially the Rock sing-a-long. But I wonder how much is really being accomplished here, other then drawing viewers in with the Rock. If the Rock wins he gets to trend on Twitter and go off to his next movie (I think Cena is right when he talks about his dedication to the WWE vs the Rock’s) and if Cena wins he will continue to be “Unstoppable”, that is unless the Rock beats him so senseless that he gets a month or so off. I was actually really sad that the Cena/Kane storyline was essentially dropped—I liked the “embracing the hate” Cena even though I know he will always be a face because that is what brings in the money. Okay, okay, I will get back on track here. I think that the Rock coming back probably brought new and old friends back to the WWE and got him in shape for GI Joe but I don’t see him winning this match. It was correct when it was said that the WWE needs Cena to win more then they need the Rock to. This match NEEDs to live up to the year long hype, so I anticipate some chairs, and if the announce table isn’t gone it will be here. Bonus if Cena gets assaulted with a box of fruity pebbles. Each man will pull a finishing move at least twice, I see a rock bottom followed by the five moves of Doom, lots of 2 counts and finally a pin by Cena. I don’t really care who wins this match, to be honest.

To Win: Cena, cause he’s good to the Military and Make a Wish kids.

Well, that’s all I have for now. Just about 20 hours until we see if all of the hype has been worth it!