Every WWE show for the week was recorded tonight.  The fans are tired, they’ve already watched a lot of wrestling. But they also appear to be very excited.  Probably because they are guaranteed to see Rock and John Cena by the end of the night.  Lets hope its a good build up episode.

Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (World champion, with AJ) and Kane.

Who takes the pin in this match?  No one should look weak going into Mania.  Its the usual pre PPV tag team match booking.  Keep the PPV opponents apart.  Don’t have them fight each other for too long during the match.  Just enough to tease that either man could win their upcoming matches.  Kane is s l o w tonight.  In the time it took him to stand there and take an Orton dropkick I made a sandwich, ate it and did the dishes.  Orton and Kane dump to the outside and fight.  Sheamus calls for the Brogue but AJ gets in the way.  She is so great in her role.  Damn shame she wont be wrestling on the grandest stage of them all.  All of this distracts Sheamus enough to eat finishers from Kane and Bryan.  Sheamus takes the loss.  Which only makes him that much more likely to win on Sunday.

The worthless one, Michael Cole is in the ring and puts on his “Team Johnny” shirt.  Oh no.  This thing actually exists doesn’t it?  Someone is paying 20-25 bucks for that shirt.  Something so hideous must be the new favorite answer to the “what was the worst selling WWE product of all time” question.

When did David Otunga get to be so damn good?!  Once the true cocky person inside found an opening, he came out and started running the David show.  Vickie Guerrero is the official flag bearer for Team Johnny.  Alright.  Whatever.  Booker T announces Teddy Long and some of his team.

David Otunga vs. Santino Marella (US Champion)

“Michael Cole” is the number one trending topic worldwide.  Of course its everyone saying that he sucks but still number one.  Hornswoggle waves a flag, distracting Otunga and this allows Santino to hit the Cobra for the pin.  I just typed that sentence.  Then there is a school yard push over.  “Its been ridiculous since day one.”

Finally!  Santino is about to attack John Laurinatis with the Cobra.  Boom!  Miz is finally on the WrestleMania card when he attacks Santino.  Finally.  I know that WWE likes to give people a push and then bury them just to see how they handle it.  But holy crap Miz has had a shitty year. Time to claw his way back up?  We can only hope.

Fucking awesome video package for Triple H vs. Undertaker.  No one, in any company, and I don’t just mean wrestling, does hype videos like WWE.  Even if you hadn’t seen one minute of wrestling before ‘Mania.  All that you would need is to see that video on YouTube and damn right you would order the show.

Hmmm… WrestleMania press conference on Wednesday.  Maybe I’ll arrange the day around that one.  Could be fun.

Eve (with Divas Champion Beth Phoenix) vs. Kelly Kelly.

Kelly comes out solo, without her tag team partner Maria Menoundos.  Who is also on Dancing with the Stars.  And may have broken a rib.  Which puts both paychecks in jeopardy.  Its a damn shame WWE doesn’t have, ohhhhhh, 20 women under contract who would give up anything to take Maria’s place.  Santino will humorously power walk the ring ropes to “warm up” and just make the crowd laugh.  It looks 100 times better than Kelly actually running the ropes.  Kelly wins with the worst roll up I’ve seen since the quality control issue at Betty Crocker.

Christian vs. CM Punk (WWE Champion).

Out of no where I have this great image of a huge ridiculous CM Punk entrance at ‘Mania.  He’s the type of guy who could do either.  He might want to be a wrestler and keep it simple.  He also could enjoy the bombastic entrance.  Not too far away.

Jericho appears on screen to say more rude shit about Punk’s family.  The first time this happened I loved it.  Now its drawing attention to Jericho’s lack of in ring work for the last month.  The match just kind of goes away after Punk beats the hell out of Christian.  Captain Charisma needs to be replaced within Team Johnny.  Which is good because he probably wasn’t fully recovered anyways.

Brodus Clay destroyed Curt Hawkins.  Just in case anyone wasn’t sure if the Funkasaurus would win again.

Big Show vs. Primo (with Epico and Rosa Mendes).

Hmmm, the tag team champions not only aren’t on the ‘Mania card they are barely on TV.  These titles just don’t matter right now.  Show destroys Primo, if anyone is shocked by this hello and welcome to wrestling.  Show hits a chokeslam and cooks off this squash.  He then gives Epico an equal amount.  You know, so siblings don’t fight.  Cody Rhodes comes out and says some douchey things.  Not a great one, but thankfully they’ve had some good heat to build up the match.  Not tonight’s heat of course.  But previous weeks.

Will Lord Tensai have those painted on tattoos like a new age Hakushi?

Zack Ryder insults the looks of one Bella, not realizing he is insulting them both.  Actually a funny one liner.  In the background, Johnny Ace is making some deal.  Eve is making her own deals too.  Legal in Ontario now!

Great Khali vs. Mark Henry.

Henry takes the big chop and somehow shakes it off.  He then powers up and hits a World’s Strongest Slam on Khali.  Wow.  I mean holy shit wow.  That was some scary strength.

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny brawl.  Drew McIntyre is taking Christian’s spot on Team Johnny.  Nice pick.  Hopefully Drew gets built back up to at least mid card level again.  Mark Henry is about to destroy Teddy Long when Long is saved by… Booker T?!  One more WrestleMania moment for Mr Harlem Heat!  Also, tonight was 11 years to the day of the last WCW Monday Nitro.  And Raw was in Atlanta tonight.  Booker T was the last WCW champion (not WWE/WCW).  Its too bad that these facts weren’t put over tonight.  But still nice to see Booker get this spot.

Oh FML.  The Rock is out to talk and there is still a good twenty minutes left of Raw.  Damn my luck for eating that sandwich earlier.  If you thought he was overblown and long winded before.  Listen to him ramble on in his last live appearance before ‘Mania.  John Cena finally comes out and damn if the Rock still hasn’t said anything.

John Cena rambles for awhile.  But when he finds his flow, holy shit.  Cena needs to be able to go out unrestrained each and every night.  Calling the Rock a visitor was right on the nose.  Rock even sits back and knows he is getting owned out there.  Rock comes back with something brilliant when he says he is one of the guys that built Cena’s “office”.  Here the proper flow is found.  Rock cant start a promo anymore.  He fails every time.  But what he can do is have John Cena piss him off with his much better comments and then respond to them.  Did Cena actually come out of no where with “it doesn’t matter what you think!”  Wow.  That may be better than when Mick Foley caught Rock unawares with it.

That’s where the show ends and screw the haters of the Internet Wrestling Community.  I am excited for WrestleMania.