Background for my feelings on the show.  I’ve never watched an episode when it was airing brand new.  In my local market Two and a Half Men airs right before the local news, and like so many lazy TV watchers before me I left the channel on instead of doing something creative or enriching.  Some episodes are funny, some go way too far for a syndicated TV show at 5 in the afternoon.  Most are the usual sitcom standbys.  So my overall opinion of the show is a “meh”.

However, I heard so much about this new direction for the show, blah blah, Charlie Sheen crap, that I had to check it out.

Show starts at Charlie’s funeral.  Oh, and everyone is awful.  All of the women are in attendence to make sex jokes, STD jokes, and worse.  His mother wants to sell the house and gives the realty listing.  Charlie’s former lovers want to spit on his corpse.  Martin Mull gets up and says Charlie owes him money for drugs.  Oh that’s wonderful.  Charlie’s neighbor, who I remember to be a funny character, gives an eulogy and its implied that she caused Charlie’s death.  Hysterical!  Charlie fell off the platform and “exploded like a balloon full of meat”.

Why the hell is Ryan Stiles on here?  Fart jokes and heartless mothers!  I cant think of a more intelligent combination in all of film.

People stop by for an open house.  John Stamos, Dharma and Greg (ok, that one was kind of funny) and… that’s it?  Also did I see Jenny McCarthy and Jeri Ryan in the crowd at the funeral?  Was there nothing going on in Hollywood this day?  I mean screw Ashton there are people with careers appearing on the show today?!

Alan (Dcuky) talks to the urn that Charlie is now inside.  Alcoholism jokes!  I would call all the jokes of Charlie’s drug addictions life imitating art but that would imply that any of this is art.  Oh, I’ll bet he drops the urn and Charlie’s ashes scatter across the floor.  Sure enough, Ashton appears at the window and scares Alan.  Ashes everywhere!

Why is the crowd cheering for Ashton?  Did you not know he was going to be on here?

Ashton was trying to commit suicide by drowning, but the water was too cold.  My word there is nothing funnier than a suicidal person who cant commit.  Speaking of commitment, there’s no way I would commit to watching anymore of this show.  This episode alone is hurting everything within me.  Turns out Ashton is a suicidal billionaire.  Is there any other kind?  Oh my dead brother’s ashes are all over the floor, but don’t worry Ashton I’ll leave that on the floor to talk to you.  Lets go drinking!  Who cares about respecting the dead?  Ashton takes off his clothes because at some point the writers realized this is shit, so why not sex it up some?

Ashton has a large penis, and is good looking and smart.  So he gets writing credit as well?  Or is someone being paid to kiss his ass?  Well, there’s probably many of people getting paid to kiss his ass, but not necessarily ones working for this show.

Lets talk about his balls!  This is the teen sex comedy of sitcoms, no its more the direct to DVD teen sex comedy of sitcoms.  Even worse, because there’s no Eugene Levy.  Sarge picks up ladies and Sad Sack continues to be pathetic.  Oh character development!  Ashton goes to bed with both ladies.  Remember its only OK if Demi gets to watch.

Ashton wakes up in the morning and strolls nude (pixelations and all) through the house.   More penis humor!

Oh thank God its over.