Coming off the clusterfuck main event match that headlined Night of Champions we are live on Raw.  Lets see how they address all of the strange events from last night.

 

CM Punk comes out and says he must admit that he was wrong.  Is he about to put over Triple H?  No, he says the Miz and R-Truth may be correct that there is a conspiracy in the WWE.  Before Punk can get into any details, the still sitting COO, Triple H comes out.  Hunter comes out and hopes that any issues Punk has with him are over but if not they can go right now.  Punk says Triple H isn’t the conspiracy, but there is one and it comes from higher up.  Punk is about to give his theory when Johnny Ace comes down to distract from the point.  Wow, WWE is actually going with a grand conspiracy theory story line.  I don’t know how the hell this will play out.

Ace fires Punk, Hunter shoots that down and we get a tease that someone will be fired by the end of the night.  Has WWE just become Lost?

Sheamus, Air Boom (WWE Tag Team Champions), and Justin Gabriel vs. Christian, Wade Barrett, Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga

Did anyone get theme music?  Also, this is heel vs face and not Raw vs Smackdown which is very strange.  Its been years that brand honor was held over personal motivations.  Also, besides the tag champs and the former champs, who is feuding here?  I guess Sheamus and Christian but even that seems like a stretch.  The only story here is that McG and Dave-O are boring.  Being boring is not a story or character!  Christian tries to sneak a spear, Sheamus tries a cross, Sheamus hits Otunga with a Brogue kick instead.  Dave-O eats a Celtic Cross for the pin and everyone else just watches the finish of the match.  Oh good, I was worried you might try to actually help your tag partner.  Also, I guess this was a message to Christian thus they must be feuding.  No, this isn’t forced at all.

Alberto Del Rio has words with Triple H.  It leads no where.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison

John did something wrong, which we’ll learn about in the upcoming days.  At least that’s my theory because he is absolutely destroyed in this match.  Del Rio picks up a dominant win with the arm bar submission.

Tonight’s guest (but don’t call him the host of Raw!) Hugh Jackman is introduced.  Somehow the Bella Twins don’t walk him out.  Hugh does a good job of putting over WWE, the crowd, and his movie.  Excellent work.  Vickie Guerrero (with Dolph) interrupts and drools all over Hugh.  Dolph Ziggler gets jealous and insults “Batman”.  Dolph puts down Hugh, Cleveland and underdogs around the world.  Hugh says he’ll grab the biggest underdog in the back and train them to wrestle Dolph.  The fans start chanting “we want Ryder”.  Wow.  Oh, it only gets better because Hugh grabs a sign that says Ryder is greater than Wolverine.  Zack, your career is getting made as we speak.  Don’t fuck up.

Miz and R-Truth finally arrive at the arena and Johnny Ace is there to great them.  This is the most simple conspiracy theory in history.

Sin Cara comes out for his match.  Then Cody Rhodes is out.  Then Sin Cara comes out again.  Twin magic!  The two Sin Caras face off and (as neither speaks) they motion to the crowd for which one is the original Sin.  Its Sin vs. Sin and honestly the best either man has looked since arriving in WWE is right now against each other.

R-Truth and Miz apologize to Triple H for their actions last night.  Hunter accepts the apology and fines them both $250,000.  Damn.  That’s a legit fine.  I don’t mean I think either man now has to pony up that money, but that its a large amount that could actually hurt someone who makes millions.

Jim Ross interviews the new World champion, Mark Henry.  Mark bought some promo skills finally after saving up for 15 years.  Excellent work by someone who would have a lot of frustration built up.  Mark attacks JR and the King runs in for the save.  King tries to reason with Mark.  This is an excellent bonus for long time fans because Mark’s first match/feud was with Lawler.  Mark now threatens Jerry, the King tries to fight back but there’s no chance of that happening.  Mark hits a Worlds Strongest Slam and King’s done for the rest of the night at least.  Or not.  Henry then goes to the outside and hits a Worlds Strongest Slam putting King through the announce table.

I usually hate it when a wrestler, especially a champion, feuds with an announcer.  But this is different.  This is saying I will attack anyone who doubted me, no matter who they are.

Kelly Kelly (Divas champion) and Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix and Natalya

Little bit of wrestling, definitely a short time limit on this match.  Eve moves a little too fast and rolls up Natalya for the pin.  What in the hell?

Hugh Jackman and Zack Ryder become friends.

A look at Real Steel.  I really think I’m going to pass on this one.

Dolph Ziggler (US Champion, with Vickie Guerrero) vs. Zack Ryder (with Hugh Jackman)

A Boy from Oz joke?  On Raw?  Are there a lot of wrestling fans who are also big fans of musical theater?  Are you serious bro?

Anyways, fairly good match.  Vickie slaps Zack, the referee throws her out.  While the referee is distracted, Hugh gets in a cheap shot on Dolph which lets Zack hit the Rough Ryder for the surprise pin.  Not a bad way to help get Zack over.

A Jack Swagger promo airs and Vickie Guerrero is watching it.  Jack comes up and it looks like he’s now officially managed by Vickie.  Mad Dolph iz mad.

John Cena calls his team up with Punk the new Rock N Roll Express.  Which one has the fucked up eye?

John Cena (WWE Champion) and CM Punk vs. Awesome Truth

I’m not even paying attention to the match.  Its not a bad one by any means.  But you just know Hunter or Ace or Nash, someone is going to come down and fuck this all up.  Which one will it be?  Punk hits the GTS on Miz and gets…. a clean pin?  Well that is shocking.  Cena raises Punk’s hand in triumph.  That’s fucking weird.  Ugh, all the hope we had for anti hero CM Punk may have just died.

Triple H comes out and fires Miz and R-Truth!  Do they still have to pay the fine now that they’re unemployed?

Tune in next week!

All of the WWE Superstars who didn’t appear on camera tonight are in the back watching the monitors.  Hunter walks by the crowd which is where Miz and Truth jump him.  The Superstars who want to keep their jobs pull Awesome Truth off of their boss and throw the two out of the building.

Well that was a very strange Raw.