Every title is on the line!  Well, every official and current title.

 

Air Boom vs Awesome Truth

The match starts with two terribly named teams.  Michael Cole reminds us of the great tag teams that have also held this title.  Teams like Edge and Rey Mysterio.  What the hell?  Oh, that’s right these titles only go back as far as the Smackdown titles not the overall WWE history.  Which is ridiculous.  What sort of company reboots their lineage?  Oh hello DC comics.

This match is upsetting.  Air Boom is a horrible name and these two are becoming lily white baby faces.  Miz and Truth are annoying as hell.  All of this leads to me ignoring a good match because the characters turn me off so much.  Lot of hauling ass in this match.  Every single guy is going all out every minute.  Kofi and Evan go for the heel tags behind the referees back!  That’s different.  While we know which guys are heel and which are faces here, each team works on the other side tonight.  You know, just for fun.

Miz gets pissed off at the referee not catching the good guys being better heels than they are and he blatantly shoves the referee down.  Well, there’s really no other outcome here.  The ref disqualifies Miz and R-Truth and Air Boom retains the belts.

What the hell is the point of this booking?  None of these guys have ever really shied away from taking a pin.  My only guess is that to hype up the No DQ match later tonight, the crowd needs to see a DQ take place.  Just to have some sort of comparison.

Miz pushes the ref down again, Truth helps him up only to knock him back down.  Well, I guess that’s taking back your heel heat.

Truth and Miz talk with Matt Striker about the conspiracy.  Aliens exist.

Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental champion) vs. Ted DiBiase

Lets try to push Ted take 27!  Cody dominates this match.  The fans hate and respect Cody but couldn’t give a shit about Teddy yet.  DiBiase is a fine wrestler but wow no one is caring about this match.  Cody is a great heel, and look at that damn dropkick.  Great wrestler as well.  Ted gets Cody down for a moment and rips off the protective mask. This is the only reaction Ted gets all night.  Ted throws up the mask in victory, forgetting there’s an actual mask going on.  Cody rolls up Ted for the pin.

Step it up soon Ted or you are at the top of the future endeavored list.

I forgot to mention it earlier, but the set for this show is stunning.  If WWE was held in an opulent castle, it would be this show.   Just a beautiful, regal set up.

Christian walks out, and walks past three fans dressed as the Brood!   Hysterical.  Christian wants yet another World title match.  Yawn.  Sheamus says he’ll help him get a match.  Only to swerve Christian with a big Brogue kick.  Its OK Christian we don’t know when the hell Sheamus turned face either.

Randy Orton DVD promo “you may think the voices in my head define me.”  Actually Randy I think pooping in people’s bags defines you.

Four Way for the United States title:  John Morrison, Alex Riley, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler (US champion, with Vickie Guerrero)

Two heel/face pairings start off the match with Dolph and Jack staying away from each other so far.  Which is good, because that’s the only story going into this match.  JoMo dropkicks Dolph and moonsaults over to splash Jack, and the camerman misses half the move.  Somehow all this ends with John on the outside and we get the Dolph and Swagger face off.  Michael Cole, please don’t say Jack Swagger wants to join the fold when you’re mentioning Vickie Guerrero.  Morrison is great in the match but there is an aura around him now.  He’s a man without a country.  Alex Riley shows some great leaping ability, not perfect but great.  Morrison pulls off an upside down sit up and then suplexes A-Ry from the top.  Damn that was good.  Riley puts up the knees to stuff the Starship Pain attempt.  Dolph and Jack both jockey for the win.  Riley almost sneaks in a pin on Swagger.  Crazy amount of action going on from four guys that want to grab that ring.  Jack powerbombs John and is about to win but Dolph sneaks in and gets the pin.

Great match.  Best of the night so far.

Josh Matthews interviews Mark Henry.

Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton (World champion)

Mark has never looked better in his career.  I’m thinking we can all agree on that.  Orton struggles to get in offense.  Even a full run clothesline barely moves the beast.  The announcers actually do a really good job of putting over Mark Henry.  Sure he’s a force now but he was a failure for so long, and that part of him still exists.  Randy kicks out of a World’s Strongest Slam and it looks like that doubt is creeping in yet again.  Randy somehow hits the hesitation DDT on Mark.  That is one strong ring rope.  Mark isn’t just playing with power, he’s wrestling smart as well.  Rope breaks and roll outs are not moves usually done by such a powerful man.  But Mark is aware his power wont be enough here.

Orton injures his knee and its about to be all downhill for Randall.  Randy tries for an RKO but Mark stands there like a juggernaut.  No sell!  Mark hits a Worlds Strongest Slam and holy shit Mark Henry has won the big prize!  The fans cant believe it!

Josh tries to interview Mark but he just takes it over and cuts a fantastic promo.  Its too bad it took the man 15 years to get here but damn if he didn’t finally put all the pieces together.

Johnny Ace has his own Nuremberg trial backstage and tells Del Rio and Punk in successive conversations that he’s just doing his job.

Kelly Kelly (Divas champion, with Eve Torres) vs. Beth Phoenix (with Natalya)

Beth gets a huge reaction from her hometown crowd.  The crowd supports their girl and chants “Kelly sucks”.  I agree but I have to say that Beth is making her look fantastic tonight.  Beth gives Kelly lots of offense, the usual flips and kicks. But then its time for the Pheonix to break apart the Barbie.  Eve and Natalya have a small fight so they can get paid.  This is the best the crowd has sounded all night, and Beth should have been given more to do in front of her home.  Top rope super-plex!  As Booker T says this may be the only time that has been done in a Divas match.  Beth goes for a powerbomb but Kelly rolls through and sneaks in the pin!  Everyone is shocked.  Wow, this has got to hurt Beth a lot.  Great match, the whole world knows you’re a better wrestler and then the twig sneaks out the win.

Alberto Del Rio has to walk into the arena.  Apparently he cant find his keys.  Oh look, John Cena has the car.  We are all shocked.

Alberto Del Rio (WWE Champion) vs. John Cena

Cena wants a little comedy and does his own over the top ring introduction.  The video packages before hand and Cena’s own words spell nothing but trouble for Del Rio.  He is not seen as a legitimate champion and thus must be punished.  I’m predicting Del Rio’s demise as a champion.

Not to say he’s a bad wrestler or anything.  Del Rio hits a kick to Cena’s ribs that should have cracked a few.  Alberto hasn’t done anything illegal yet, just violent nasty heel work.  The kind that says I don’t give a shit about my opponent’s well being.  Everyone zones out from the match.  No one is really paying attention.  Then Cena stalls on the top rope and Del Rio hits a springboard kick that should have ended this match and every other one.  Cena is hanging upside down in the corner and Alberto takes advantage.  ADR runs into Cena, but John moves and Del Rio crashes into the post.  Loud.  I even yelled out in pain just watching it happen.  Complain all you want about Super-Cena but there’s some Super-Rio on display.  He should be selling his shoulder more.  Or at all.

Del Rio tries for the arm bar.  Cena locks his hands together to block it then dead lifts the champion up for a slam.  Cena hits the AA, punches out Rodriguez, jumps on Alberto for the STF and even with the move not locked on properly (Del Rio’s head is turned) Super-Cena still gets the win.

John Cena is a 12 time world champion now.

Michael Cole has begun to lose his voice.  Prayers are answered.

CM Punk vs. Triple H

No DQ, if Hunter loses he’s out as COO.

Hunter comes down to spit some water and Punk jumps him from behind!  Hunter ends up in the front row.  Punk starts to take apart the tables.  This is a real good brawl.  Already a much better match than anything Kevin Nash could hope to pull out.  Is there still a no blood policy in WWE?  If there was any match to expect someone to get cut open its this one.  This is a fight.  There’s no moves really.  Just imagine a fight that takes place throughout the arena and anything that can be thrown at a person is thrown.  If it cant be thrown than a man is thrown into it instead.  One of the best brawls in wrestling in years.

Holy shit!  CM Punk with the Macho Man elbow from the top rope to the announce table and he puts Triple H right through the table!  Wow.

Then the Miz and R-Truth run down, attack both men, and ruin the fucking match.  What the hell is this all about?  They take out both men but throw Punk on Hunter for the pin.  Hunter kicks out.  The referee gets in on it too.  Johnny Ace comes down and waves for help.  Punk and Hunter fight back.  Hunter hits a pedigree but there’s no referee.  Another ref comes down but Ace stops the second referee so they can check on the first one.  Hunter is distracted by all of this and Punk hits GTS.  Ace now throws a referee into the ring and R-Truth of all people breaks up the pin.  Punk hits a GTS on Truth then gets back into the ring.  Punk comes flying off the top, meets a boot from Hunter, takes a Pedigree, but still kicks out!  What in the hell.  Johnny Ace starts texting people.  Because why the fuck not.  Kevin Nash comes through the crowd.

Oh, also during all of this there is no Michael Cole.  Just Booker T and the King.  Its enjoyable.

Nash attacks Punk… and Hunter?  Kevin attempts to powerbomb Triple H but Punk makes the save.  What?  Nash fights back and powerbombs CM Punk.  Nash starts to clear the announce table for some more devastation but Hunter comes running through Kevin with the sledgehammer.  What in the hell?!  Hunter climbs in the ring and hits a Pedigree on CM Punk for the pin.

Um, I guess that’s it.  I don’t have a clue what I just watched.

Punk, Hunter, 2 referees, Truth, Miz, Nash, Johnny Ace, tables, sledgehammer. There’s more people in this match than in the Justice Society.