Lets remember what is going on between Triple H and Kevin Nash.  Ten years ago?  No!  This is our current and biggest story line.

 

Lets forgive me for forgetting that the brand split has kind of ended, and I forgot to watch SmackDown this week.  I’ll get to it online.  Boy, I hope I’m not lost and confused this week.  Lets find out!

 

CM Punk comes out, no tights, so its talking time!  Punk sits down, says that while he is different, Nash has been the same since the 1990s.  Not that Nash does a good job of arguing this when he comes out to the old nWo music and his dyed black hair.  Also, Nash’s we hair and somewhat lesser hairline makes him look like Michael Hayes in a fun house mirror.  Punk calls Nash “Super Shredder”!  Damn I love his references.  Kids, if you want to make it in WWE, remember every single nugget of useless information.  It may be useful in a promo.  Punk continues to make unarguable points about Nash’s age and Nash makes the excellent rebuttal that he’s put Punker down every single time.  The Straight Edge Superstar reminds Diesel that he got back up, every single time.  You put me down but look at me, I didn’t stay down!  Great exchange.

Triple H comes out to decide who to listen to.  Nash wants Punk fired, but Hunter has a surprise.  The guy who sent the text was… Nash himself?  What the fuck?  Lets break this down.  Triple H says he has footage (which isn’t shown to the fans!) of Kevin Nash going into Hunter’s office, picking up H’s cell phone, and sending a text.  So Nash could then claim that the same text was sent by Hunter.  But no one ever asked to look at the text!  We were never shown nor given any proof!  What the hell would it matter for Nash to send that?  Then Kevin Nash says that he made wrestling exciting again.  The fuck you did!  CM Punk did all that and now he’s being buried in this lover’s squabble.  Hunter pushes Nash down and fires him.

This whole exchange does not want me to spend any money on WWE.  It makes me want to keep watching, in the hopes that something better takes place next.

Kevin Nash and Johnny Ace leave together.  Glad to know Nash got back in the dating pool so soon after being dumped.  Good for you Kev!

Air Boom *ugh* (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs. Jinder Mahal and The Great Khali

Well I cant think of a better dream match/match of the year contender than this pairing.  Its a joke of a match.  Khali pulls down the ropes so Kofi falls over.  Really?  The man is near 8 feet tall and the best you can have him do is hold down a rope?  Fuckin A.  Kofi fights back, Khali accidently hits Jinder with the big chop.  Kofi gets the hot tag and Evan hits Air Bourne on Mahal for the win.

Ricardo Rodriguez and Alberto Del Rio arrive at the arena!  Remember kids, they may not take American Express, but they damn sure want your Visa.

Kelly Kelly comes out to give commentary.  Thankfully she doesn’t have bubble gum in her mouth.  Holy crap please stop talking!

Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix (with Natalya) for the #1 Contender spot.

I should really read this WWE.com article everyone is complaining about.  Anyways, Beth proves she’s a better wrestler than Eve.  Its so strong that the TV audience doesn’t even get to see some of the match because we need to see Kelly and Natalya argue with each other three announcers apart.  Beth hits the Glam Slam and this victory was clearer than Kelly’s head.

Natalya attacks Kelly after the match.  It doesn’t take much to knock the champion out.

Drew McIntyre tells Christian that they are kindred spirits, both getting screwed over.  Del Rio shows up and tries to talk Christian into taking out Cena.  It is great that the heels are always only out for themselves.  Even when they team up, its only for their own gains, not their partners.

Oh, Triple H has a new movie out.  I’m going to go take a dump.

R-Truth comes out for his match.  Miz comes out and they bounce off of each other great.  Miz says what I’ve been thinking, Air Boom is a horrible name.  Also, is Truth’s ignorant conspiracy gimmick racist at all?  I guess it depends on the end game.

R-Truth (with The Miz) vs. CM Punk

Michael Cole finally snaps during this match and begins to spend more time giving Jim Ross shit than calling the damn match!  The announcers should be there to get the product over, not to get themselves over.  Punk controls every bit of this match, except for when Truth grabs a rest hold.  Punk is thrown to the outside, Miz clips the knee, and only now can Truth take control of the match.  Cole continues to be a horrible announcer.  Cole and Lawler bring up the point that Triple H may be overwhelmed with the size of the company and some people might be ignored.  This is used to say Miz and Truth are being over looked.  Which is ridiculous, as they’re on every week and will be on the next PPV.  Drew, Brodus and on and on have reason to say they’re being over looked.  Not these two.

Cole continues to bleed my ears and thankfully CM Punk is starting to fight back.  Maybe this means that the match is near over.  Then they can chew Cole a new asshole while at the commercial break.  Punk hits a super-plex and both men are down.  Punk fights back, but its tough because he’s still selling the knee that got clipped.  That’s right, someone is selling pain throughout an entire match!  A lost art if there ever was one.  Truth counters and hits some almost DDT thing on Punk for the two count only.

Miz tries to get involved and the referee throws him out.  Punk watches this, forgets about Truth, and almost loses the match.  Thankfully Punk is still higher on the WWE pecking order.  He reverses it and hits the GTS for the pin.

CM Punk celebrates his win and Triple H comes out.  Hunter makes their match a no disqualification.  Punk wants to up the stakes even more, and if CM Punk wins Triple H must resign.  This is a hot shot angle.  A stipulation like this should have been done a year or so into not only Hunter’s reign in charge but also much later into the rogue Superstar that Punk is becoming.

Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins are trying to team up with Wade Barrett.  What in the hell is that?  Alberto Del Rio tells them to take a hike so he can talk to Wade.  Del Rio is definitely trying to get someone else to take out John Cena so he avoids their match.

Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga are in the ring and are about to take on the King.  The internet just exploded.

Zack Ryder gets a huge promo to introduce him as King’s partner.  He just got built up like a world champion.  Here’s that shot you’ve been looking for Zack.  Grab it with both hands.

McG and Dave-O vs. Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder

Lawler hits a fist drop and the match should be over? With that?  A move from decades ago that didn’t seem that devastating then?  Anyways, Zack wants his moment to get over.  He tags in and hits the Rough Ryder on Otunga for the pin.  Lame match, but good for Zack.

Dolph Ziggler is the next to be recruited by Del Rio.  Alberto even brings up Vickie Guerrero!  No!  And now the Bellas are all over Del Rio.  What in the hell.  Also, nice way to argue that you deserve to be taken seriously ladies.  The WWE Universe will enjoy seeing you walk out with Hugh Jackman when he hosts.

Randy Orton (World champion) vs. Heath Slater

Slater comes out second?  Didn’t this guy just have to redo an entire match at SmackDown recently?  Maybe that can be blamed on Sin Cara.  New tights on Heath and its actually a pretty cool look.  Really just a glorified squash match.  Of course Randy wins it after an RKO.  What did you think was going to happen?

John Cena records an episode of Z True Hollywood Story backstage.  He throws out some reference to “who wears sunglasses inside” which I really didn’t pick up on.  I’m embarrassed too.

John Cena comes out and says things.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to say things.  Damn, this is a boring feud over the WWE title.  The Rudos of Raw!!!!  That just got great.  Wade, Dolph, Jack Swagger, Christian all run down to attack Cena.  Of all people, Alex Riley Sheamus and John Morrison come out to make the save.  I smell a huge tag team match coming!  Sure as shit, there’s Teddy Long.  Why the hell is Long out here though?  Why doesn’t Triple H make the call?  Oh, Hunter has told Long to intervene when necessary.  I guess that makes sense.

Wade Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and Christian vs. John Cena, Sheamus, John Morrison and Alex Riley

There’s only one man in the ring who has not been collecting titles and main events in WWE in this match.  Up and comer or destined to take the pinfall?  Watch Alex Riley to find out!  The heels use the 5 count to full advantage.  Dolph has Morrison in a sleeper and tags in Swagger who locks on an ankle lock.  Morrison is done and… oh… its an elimination match.  Well, we’re at 4 on 3 now.

Vickie Guerrero has come out to watch her men, or soon to be men, or whatever.  Its starting to get a little confusing.  Swagger makes Riley tap out and its down to 4 to 2.

Sheamus is now being called the Great White?  Isn’t a great white shark an apex predator?  No one tell Orton.  Sheamus finally takes out Wade and it looks like Christian is about to get the great white out of here.  Christian slaps Sheamus, then runs away.  They chase each other through the arena and its a double count out elimination.  What the hell?  So its now 2 on 1 with Super Cena.

Dolph and Swagger are putting aside their differences over Vickie in order to take out Cena.  Not that either of them really have a beef with Cena right now, but we’ll roll with it.  Cena does a double 5 knuckle shuffle.  Would that be a ten knuckle? Also Cena getting over like this on both of these former champions is absolutely killing their careers.

Yup, Cena takes out both guys and wins the match.  Not only that, but the WWE Champion enters the ring and Cena knocks him right on his ass too.

Two weeks from a PPV and the only guy that was built up tonight is Zack Ryder.