Alright I have the TV to myself and two free hours (you know, minus commercials) its time to see the most dramatic “who sent this text?” based show since Pretty Little Liars.

 

Pomp and Patron and our WWE champion Alberto Del Rio heads out to the ring.  Review of Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio and the official word is out that Rey will be out of action for months.  Michael Cole asks Canada, which is booing Alberto, if they’ve ever heard of NAFTA.  Wow.  I haven’t heard of NAFTA since Ross Perot was also a name that mattered.  Damn.

His name is Rio and he’s about to tell us so, when John Cena comes out.  It is Del Rio’s density to be WWE Champion.  I mean his destiny.  Cena introduces himself and says he’s the next champ.  I thought we were changing things.  Cena says only one man can hang with him and as ADR is not CMP Cena will whoop his ass.  Well, yeah, probably.  Oh, its either CM Punk or a Wayans brother because I hear some Living Color.  Punk is out and the crowd still marks out, but its definitely a little less than its been.  Don’t let this angle stall!

Punk says he deserves the title shot and makes an excellent point on Cena being a hypocrite for mocking Del Rio’s car collection.  Also, WWE rents those cars for Al, Cena actually owns his.  Punk, with story line and character consistency, says he has no problem with Del Rio for cashing in because he’s done it twice.  Excellent!  Punk doesn’t know who is trying to hose him, Triple H, Ace, maybe even Jack Tunney.  1980s reference!

Punk plays the enemy of my enemy is my friend card and reminds Cena that who ever told Nash to attack him would have also told Big Kev to attack Cena if John had won the title.  CM asks the question, who wants Del Rio to be champion that badly?  Punk with a rematch clause/Santa Claus joke!  Holy shit I don’t know how that joke has never been done before.  Brilliant.  Alberto says this is my time, no I’m sorry Al I think that was Cena’s theme.  Del Rio pretty much tells them both to fuck off he’s the champ and he’ll call the shots.  Oh, Al, the real shot caller is on his way.

Triple H joins the Raw title picture in the ring.  Hunter makes a great point, the rematch clause is not like the Money in the Bank briefcase, you cant just have it any time you want.  HHH makes the main event to decide the number one contender.  That really could have been saved for PPV.  Damn.

Alberto Del Rio (WWE Champion) vs. John Morrison

I’m noticing a pattern in Del Rio matches.  He’s on the receiving end for a long long time.  To the point where you think how the hell is this guy a champion?  Then his opponent makes a mistake, as Morrison does when he misses an Asai moonsault.  Then Del Rio takes charge and wears down his challenger.  Del Rio eventually makes a mistake himself, getting shoulder tossed to the outside and taking a bad bump on the head.  Morrison reverses an arm bar attempt with a roll up.  John starts to collect near falls and he’s within a hair of being elevated into that main event level with a win.  Al avoids Starship Pain and runs Morrison into the ring post shoulder first.  Where else to go from here but to the arm bar for the victory.

Real good match.  I’m shocked John Morrison was given such a good showing so close after Melina’s release.  Thought for sure he would be punished somehow.  Del Rio attacks Morrison’s arm some more after the match.

Nikki Bella (with Brie) vs. Eve Torres (with Kelly Kelly (Divas champion))

Holy crap Eve gets her last name announced!  Beth and Natalya do a pre taped promo in the corner.  Original WWE Superstars flashback!   This is an atrocious match.    Kelly tries to rally the fans into the match only one minute in.  What the hell?  Eve sets up for her standing moonsault and Eve does some booty dance before hitting the move.  Is she studying Sable’s matches?  Are you ready for the Grind?!  Brie distracts Eve and Eve falls but Nikki still isn’t good enough to do anything here and Eve gets the pin anyways.  Kelly hits what used to be called the Fameasser on Brie just to have something to do tonight.  Beth and Natalya come out to clap.  I have no clue what the hell is going on here anymore.

Vickie Guerrero announcers her next potential new client, well that got all the qualifiers out of the way, oh and its Jack Swagger.

Jack Swagger (with Vickie) vs. Alex Riley (without a ring entrance)

Dolph Ziggler comes out to argue with Vickie over daring to take on another man.  As a client that is.  Somehow during all of this Vickie gets knocked down.  Everyone argues a little and when Jack remembers he has a match going on its too late.  Alex rolls Swagger up for the pin.

I’m guessing this will lead into Swagger getting the next US title shot.

Triple H is out yet again.  He calls out Kevin Nash to explain the whole texting thing.  Nash comes out without music still.  No Diesel or nWo themes on file?  Kevin Nash says he’ll accept H’s word that he didn’t send any text but he wont lie down and take what Punk said.  Hunter says Nash doesn’t work for WWE and he cant call out guys to a fight.  Fight somewhere else, but not here.  That’s actually a pretty good point.  Punk is out, says a few things and ends it with stepping up to fight Nash.  Trips gets in the way and its damn close to these two throwing down.  Wow, the tension is incredible.  Hunter says he’s promised not to be physical as the COO but don’t test him.  Punk lights a burn when he puts Hunter’s balls in Stephanie’s purse.  That’s enough for his boy and Kevin Nash lands a cheap punch on Punk.  Great segment.

Hunter tells Kevin to leave the building.  Nash says H3 has changed.  Oh, I hope this doesn’t lead to Triple H “finding himself”.  He’s in charge of a billion dollar company.  He damn well better not be a fuck off.

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty (WWE Tag Team Champions)

Kofi and Evan come out to individual theme  music.  That means they’re a legitimate team.  The faces control this match and Kofi starts calling for the boom.  That’s enough for what used to be Nexus to roll out of the ring and regroup.  They lure Kofi in and gain control of the match.  McGillicutty has added an outstanding drop kick to his arsenal.  Kofi gets in the hot tag to no reaction.  Canada is usually much better than this.  Kofi and McG tumble to the outside.  Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on Otunga, Evan hits Air Bourne, and we ave new tag team champion.  NOW the crowd reacts (somewhat).

Josh Matthews interviews the new tag champs.  Zack Ryder and… I’m not even sure who come to celebrate.  I think its Maxine or Aksana, maybe some NXT guys.  Well, good to know those two have made friends during their time in WWE.

Johnny Ace tells Hunter that Kevin Nash has been in a car accident.  Trips leaves to check on his friend, leaving Ace in charge.  Oh I see a conspiracy!

Santino Marella comes out for a match, what kind of match we don’t know, because The Miz and R-Truth attack him.  What the hell are these two doing together?  Maybe the tag team titles are about to matter.  Miz joins the conspiracy.  Well, not against Truth, but agreeing with Truth.  They’re going to take any opportunities they see.  Truth has music again and instead of “what’s up” he says “you suck”?! I may have just been pushed over into the fan column.

Alberto Del Rio is sitting ringside with his white trunks and a towel.  I feel like I caught him getting dressed just out of the shower.  Johnny Ace is hanging out ringside as well.

CM Punk vs. John Cena for the Number One Contender spot.

After two great PPV matches, probably the best two of the year, this match doesn’t have the same feel.  I’m waiting for interference, screw jobs, something bad to happen here.   Match is going very quick too.  Less than five minutes and we’re already getting signature moves.  Punk gets knocked down to the outside and we go to commercial.

Back to action and yeah this match is being rushed.  Not that both men aren’t doing a great job but you can almost feel that something shady will take place here.  Cena runs into a ring post, takes a GTS and still kicks out.  Someone get him a red white and blue shield to throw around!  Punk takes too long setting up the Macho Man elbow and John rolls out of the way.

CM Punk lays in elbows to Cena’s head and its amazing he didn’t get disqualified.  Followed with a running knee and Cena should have stayed down.  Holy crap, even with TV time constraints these two put on great matches.  Cant believe I doubted this going into it.  Punk hits a cross body, Cena rolls through, Punk rolls up Cena, and Punk gets in a head kick!  Unreal.  I want my Cena vs. Punk DVD set now.

Kevin Nash appears on the stage, what the hell?  Punk is distracted by the big man’s return and that’s all it takes for Cena to get up, hit the AA for the pin.  Nash walks off and Del Rio attacks Cena.  Once John Cena is down for good, Ace gets in the ring to hold back Del Rio.  Took your sweet ass time there Johnny.

So have we all realized that Johnny Ace is the puppet master here?