Yes, I’m writing these again!  Here’s the idea… I’ll write and I’ll also put up a video of my quick thoughts on the weekly wrestling shows.  That way those of you who enjoy reading my thoughts have that, and those that just want a quick video have that option as well.  Plus YouTube has been shown to be a great way to cross promote and get new viewers/readers.  With all of that being said here we go with one of the biggest PPVs of the year and one that is sure to be an important one in the greater continuity of the WWE.

Its the 24th annual SummerSlam!  Holy crap that’s a lot of shows.  I also really wish I had bought the set a couple years ago.  Probably out of print now and will cost me a good amount.

 

What the hell?  Why is the Miz out here?  Oh, its one of those unexpected matches that JR was mentioning.  Miz is out and Michael Cole cheers like Twilight the Vampire just showed off his sparkly penis.

R-Truth interrupts Miz and tells us all about letters.  I’m about to make a Sesame Street joke but Lawler gets there before I can.  A statement usually only said about high school proms.  Del Rio interrupts Truth in much the same way as Truth stepped over Miz and either we have a 6 man tag or a 3 way all heel match.  I’m leaning towards the tag.

Kofi Kingston is out and its definitely a 6 man tag match.  I’m reminded how much I hate white trunks.  Too much like underwear.  Look we already have to suspend our disbelief and suspend our awareness that this is all kind of gay can we please not make it overly overt with the tighty whities?

The Miz, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio vs Kofi Kingston, John Morrison and Rey Mysterio

This is a packed match.  It also shows how deep Raw’s roster is right now.  While we’re all concentrating on Cena vs. Punk look at the talent in this match.  Two former world champions, one all but assured future one, and 3 guys that collect secondary titles and are ready to break through into that upper echelon at any moment.

Miz and Kofi start off the match and then its the warm up part of the match with everyone getting in a couple moves to get going.  Morrison is in, then Truth and we keep exchanging dance partners.  Cole makes fun of Lawler for wearing a toupee.  We all know Jerry has had a facelift and hair plugs.  If you’re going to make fun of the man at least get it right and go for the bigger insult.  John Morrison should start picking tag team partners he knows he could pin in their eventual feuds (Truth, Miz).  The match starts to get messy with people going for finishers and counters.  Miz hits a nasty stunner type maneuver that looks like it broke Kofi’s neck.  Scary spot but still not enough to keep him down.  I’m noticing a lack of Del Rio in this match.  No Rey either yet. ADR is also wearing white trunks and is now wrestling Kofi!  Now it looks like two kids play wrestling!  Ban on white trunks!

Lawler says Miz is such a bad talk show guest that a show he was on multiple times, the George Lopez show, got cancelled.  Oh Jerry no.  And if you’re going to do that at least throw in a Lerrerman joke.  You were only on it once and that show is still on!  That’s the kind of ratings Lawler brings.  Its hot tag time and finally Rey Mysterio enters the ring to a huge reaction.  Rey is on fire tonight, well Booker that is one fast fire because he’s only been in the ring for 2 minutes.  Cole says its Vintage Mysterio at the 3 minute mark.  Are we getting in all the catch phrases at the begininng of the night to get them out of the way?  Morrison corkscrew splashes Del Rio, Kofi gets the biggest air I’ve ever seen in WWE and splashes Miz, Rey hits a 619 and a splash and Truth gets pined.  Good guys get the win.

Johnny Ace gives CM Punk a gravelly dressing down.  Punk gives a phony apology.  He may have no other way.  Stephanie McMahon comes down to wish Punk the best of luck.  Steph says she is the “clueless” daughter.  Punk says he called her “idiotic” Punk refuses to shake Steph’s hand saying he knows where that hand has been.  Stphanie did not get the reaction I thought she would get here.  Probably because she was not put on display.  Seriously, do a YouTube search for Stephanie.  These are not outfits nor positions that the heiress to a billion dollar company should be placed in.

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus

Yes, yes I am actually excited for this match.  Henry has been receiving an insane push and I’ve been enjoying every minute of it.  Sheamus is finally coming into his own, an odd thing to say of a former US champion, KOTR, and 2 time WWE champion I know but he was not the wrestler then that he has become now.  And he’s only getting better.  So here’s two guys that should have world or WWE title runs within their near future if they can put on a good show here tonight.  Lets see if they succeed.

The announcers get over the size and power of Mark Henry by being deathly afraid of him.  Henry is outside of the ring and Michael Cole is the first to scatter.  Mark press slams Sheamus back into the ring.  he then does his hanging over the ropes squash/slide move thing (yes, that’s my technical term for it) and the crowd winces like they’re watching Passion of the Christ.  Sheamus is not a small man by any definition and yet he’s being smacked around like Colin Delaney.  Sheamus powers out of a backbreaker to the shock of anyone.  I’m shocked to see Sheamus playing the small man role in a match.  Mark misses a splash off the turnbuckles, which is lucky for his opponent or else they’d be cleaning Celtic crud off the mat.  Sheamus fights back with the fiery red hands and begins a comeback.  he drives knees into Henry’s 62 inch chest.  That’s insane.  That’s almost twice most people’s waist bands.  Mark and Sheamus knock into each other hard and buildings fall in the wake of this collision.  Sheamus comes off the top rope with a shoulder block and almost keeps Henry down.  Sheamus tries to hype himself up by punching his chest, making it beet red.  Its a shameful thing, lobster skin.  Its the careless man that knocks Henry out of the ring and follows him out there.  Sheamus tries to pick up the worlds biggest man but he’s just too damn big.  Mark picks up Sheamus and breaks the fucking wall with his body!  The frat boy front row react like little scared girls at the site of these beasts crashing through the wall.  Mark gets back into the ring, Sheamus does not and Henry wins via count out.

Good use of the count out here.  Mark Henry still looks unstoppable and dominant.  Sheamus doesn’t look weak at all, just not good enough on this occasion.  Really good match from two guys that up until a couple months ago, you wouldn’t expect it from.

Josh Matthews interviews Christian.  I zoned out during the Killer Elite commercial. Is there any reason for this to be hyped?  Is it a WWE Studios film and I wasn’t paying close enough attention?

CeeLo Green performs. I think I’ll take this as time to get some food.  The song is catchy as hell, yes.  But just not someone I’m into.  He’s attired in a black sparkly dress.  I thought Aretha Franklin lost her hair.  Is it wrong of me that when I heard “from NBCs The Voice” I was hoping it would be Alison Haislip?

Oh its not over.  CeeLo performs the censored “Forget You”.  With WWE Divas Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendes and the Bella Twins.  I want this to be the new future endeavored song.  Rosa’s time has to be limited unless she’s poking someone with stroke.  (Puns are fun!)  And its been well established on this blog how useless I feel the Bellas are.

I see you driving around down on your way to an indy show and WWE is like forget you!  In your future endeavors too!

CeeLo looks like he would fit in well if Men on a Mission were still around.  Or Big Daddy V slash whatever name he’s using on the indy circuit.

Slim Jim commercial, Miz 7 Eleven commercial.  This is worse than the movies playing commercials now.  I’m paying you money to watch these things, so I don’t have the damn commercials!

Kelly Kelly (WWE Divas champion, with Eve) vs. Beth Phoenix (with Natalya)

Cole says Beth looks like a roller derby girl.  Fuckin A Cole I know you meant that as an insult but do you realize the renaissance that is taking place in roller derby?  The match gets going, Kelly flips out of a move and stumbles the landing.  If you’re going to have a signature move at least be able to stick it.  See also ODB doing a kip up.  To counter Beth’s derby outfit Kelly is dressed like a candy stripper.  No, I spelled that right.  Beth is just beyond over whelming Kelly.  Stronger, faster, better wrestler, better performer.  Phoenix mocks the stink face, or whatever the PG term for it is.  Cole says he’s better than Kelly because he doesn’t have to get photoshpped.  Cole, we all wish you would.  I don’t need to see your county fair tattoos anymore.  Beth has Kelly up in a back breaker and Phoenix looks like she could hold the champion up there all day.  Kelly fights out and hits a neck breaker.  Can we please not have the less talented wrestlers execute moves focusing on the neck?  Soemone is going to get hurt one of these days.  And chances are it will be someone talented.  Kelly’s been good at evading a devastating move and hitting something on her way out of it.  Not really offense or a comeback, just enough to keep her in the match.  Kely snaps and starts beating Beth’s head into the mat.  Well that was nasty.  Kelly flips into the corner but Beth catches her and puts her up for the Glam Slam.  Kelly rolls with it and gets the lucky pin on Beth.

Incredibly disapponted Beth didn’t get the win but I also don’t mind seeing this feud continue.  Its only going to mean that much more when Beth does eventually win the title.

Stephanie McMahon comes out of John Cena’s locker room.  Well that’s loaded.

R-Truth talks to little Jimmy… Hart!  Holy shit that’s fantastic.  Also, I thought Jimmy Hart would be under some sort of TNA deal with his buddy Hogan.  Man, Hart looks good for his age.  Yeah, he is far far older than you think.  Some athlete gets a cameo appearance with his daughter.  If I watched sports this would mean something and I would care, but I don’t and I don’t.

Twix commercial.  Fucking A!  I’m going to start throwing commercials in the middle of my blogs.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Here we go.  I have a lot of hope for this match.  Bryan has been letting loose lately and I cant wait to see what happens.  Still dont know what I think of his new theme music.  The Ride of the Valkyries was so damn great.

The announcers remind us of the history of NXT and Nexus and of course these two men.  There is a lot there and I’m thinking of doing  some colmuns on what show has done more for new talent in WWE, ECW or NXT.  More on that later.

This is a great wrestling match.  We know how good D Bryan is but Wade is showing a lot in this match.  He’s not just a big guy, he can go.  Bryan has a shaved head and beard look going on.  Hopefully he doesn’t go too ridiculous with this like he has in Ring of honor.  It was fun, but man he looked ridiculous.  “Its pro wrestling.  Its been ridiclous since day one” – Chris Candido.

The match is more than the usual big guy smaller guy formula. Its smaller guy who can out wrestle most guys in the world vs the bigger guy who oh shit can actually wrestle too.  Wade has Bryan trapped with a chin lock and the crowd starts to rally behind Daniel.  A match with little build up, for no titles, and between two guys that one wouldn’t think the WWE Universe is behind and the crowd gets into the match.  These two guys are busting their asses to get noticed here.  Wade hits DB with a huge kick knocking him throught the ropes and to the mat.  This gets followed up with a forearm that makes the crowd shiver.

Cole congrats Cody Rhodes on winning the IC title.  Again, why could that match not wait for the PPV?

Back to this match.  Bryan comes running off the apron with a knee to Wade.  Its a wonder Barrett could even get up after this hit.  Wade kicks out at the two and here are two guys that we’re suddenly realizing cant just hang with anyone but they could hang with anyone for an hour.  Wade and Daniel alternate serving up big kicks.  Wade attempts Wasteland but Bryan chokes him down and turns it into the Labell lock.  Barrett lucks out and gets the rope break.  The crowd gets more and more into this match as it goes on.  This filler is stealing the show.  Wade fights off Bryan, crotches him on the ropes, and gets to hit the previously stalled Wasteland.  Wade gets the pin.

Christian comes out to mostly boos and grabs the mic.  Because there hasn’t been enough time wasting on tonight’s show.  Christian has some major announcement for tonight.  He announces his corner man for the night, his best friend, EDGE!  The crowd goes a little crazy and then absolute ape shit when Edge comes out.  Haircut and a slightly different look to him.  Holy shit the internet was right, he does look a little like Brian Pillman tonight.  How the hell did that happen?  Edge spent all week saying he was only at the SummerSlam Axxess gathering and not the actual show.  Looks like somoene accidently let the surprise out of the bag.  Edge and Christian hug and have a moment.  And then Edge flips the script on his buddy.  Edge says he was proud of Christian until Christian became a whiny little bitch and holds the title out of deceit and trickery.  And lawyers too.  Same thing.  Edge leaves and Christian is on his own.

Christian (World champion) vs. Randy Orton

In the first minute of the match the announcers debate which man has more stamina and can wrestle a better long match.  Lets see if the match goes long first, okay guys?  Oh its a No Holds Barred match too.  Or anything goes, or no DQ, whatever term you like really.  Randy is “stomping anything that sticks out”.  No!  Not Christian’s peep!  Orton attempts an RKO on the table but Christian fights off and runs away.  Randy persues and I guess this is what is meant by the (insert your favorite term) match stipulations.  Orton catches up and beats Christian down and back to the ring.  Randy seems to have the upper hand but Christian rolls out of a charging Orton who drives himself into the ring post.  The advantage is back in Christians’s favor and he grabs a kendo stick to take full advantage of the match.  Christian hits Orton and doesn’t hold back at all.  Some of the nastiest shots seen in quite some time are dispenced.  Randy tries to fight back but even without the stick, Christian at this moment is too much for Orton to handle.  Christian takes far too much time to set up a jump from the top and Orton uses that wasted movement to dropkick Christian on the way down.  Orton fights back and picks up the stick for his own wanton desires.  Orton catches a kick from his opponent and tries to sneak in a pinfall.  It doesn’t work but it leads to a great exchange.  Signature move attemtps and it ends when Orton does his across the knee backbreaker for the two.  Randy tries for the punt, Christian tries to tie him up on the ring post, and Randy gets the better of it leaving Christian in pain on the arena floor.  Randy finds a couple tables under the ring, because that’s where I keep mine, and starts setting up some pain.

Randy and Christian fight over who can use the table to put out their opponent.  Randy superplexes Christian onto a table.  Yeah, not a set up table that can break and disperse some of the impact.  No no this one was on the mat and both guys took a nasty bump.  Christian is about to be run through the table but he stops it with a neck breaker and tries to spear Orton.  Remember fans, there is now one table set up on the floor and another in the corner of the ring.  Damage is coming.  Randy props the steps up against the ring but fails to stop the reversal.  Christian runs Orton into the same steps and Randy is out cold.  Christian drags the fallen Viper over to the Spanish Announce Table.  When you go for the SAT it means things are about to get real.  Orton takes a TV monitor to the face, just to make sure he stays down.  Christian goes to Orton’s “other place” – they must have a time share – and tries to hit an RKO on the table.  Randy might stay down from a steel steps shot, but he wont stay down for gimmick infringement!  Orton hits an RKO of his own on the SAT and both men are down.

Christian and Randy are both loopy and forget there’s a match going on for a minute.  They bump into each other and wake up remembering they’re still in a fight.  Christian fights off the RKO attempt and hits a killswitch for the… two?!  Everyone thought the match was over for a moment.  Christian grabs two steel chairs to add to the plunder in the ring.  Con-chair-to is set up and may have succeeded if he didn’t spit on Orton.  Christian’s spit is like smelling salts for the Viper.  Randy wakes up, avoids the move, and comes after Christian with the chair.  He uses the same chair to knock Christian to the floor and through the table set up at ringtside.  While Christian is out Randy tosses the steps and some trash cans into the ring.  He rolls Christian back in and now that the person and place are established, he begins to select a weapon in this most brutal game of Clue.  Orton and Christian avoid moves until Randy catches him wiht a scoop slam right into the table.  Randy grabs the kendo stick and breaks it over Christians’s back.  Randy sets up for the rope assisted DDT and drives Christian right into one of the trash cans.  This might be it for the champion.  Someone’s bleeding and I’m not sure who.  I think Randy cut open his ear on the can.  Christian hits Randy with the kendo stick and thinks he has the advantage.  He springboards off the ropes but Orton catches him. He not only catches him but he catches him with an RKO.  Not only is it an RKO but its an RKO right onto the steel steps.  Yeah, that’s it.  Orton pins Christian and becomes champion for the 9th time.

That is far too many title reigns in such a short time, but damn if he didnt earn this one.  Great match.

A look at WWE Summerslam week in Los Angeles.

Stephanie McMahon talks with Triple H backstage.  You know, it doesn’t have to be about something nefarious.  It could totally be them planning out where to eat dinner after the show.  Must have been a long day for them.  Maybe they just want to get some nice chicken.

“With the Game in there we are guaranteed to have one undisuputed WWE champion” – and it will be him.

CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs. John Cena (WWE Champion) with Triple H as the special referee

“Whether you like John Cena or not everyone respects him.” No. No I don’t think that they do.  In fact I’m sure of it.

“In his classic jean shorts.”   The commentary tonight is fantastic in how afwul its been at times.  Chock full of mocking opotunities.  Cena is actually showing some wrestling skills tonight.  Punk brings out the best in everyone.

Seriously, just sit back and enjoy this match.  Punk really is the best right now.  Next year’s PWI 500 will have him as number one.  He is bringing out the best in John Cena again in this match.  Hunter just seems out of place everytime I notice him in this match.  He is such a massive presence that it takes away a little from the two champions.  John goes for a diving shoulder block but Punk matches it with a knee to the head.  Cena still gets some shoulders in, Punk with another knee, Cena with a slam, neither man willing to slow down for a minute.  This is for the gold!  Punk locks Cena into something that looks even more dangerous than the anaconda vise.  Cena fights out and reverses into an STF. P unk reverses yet again into a key lock!  This is insane.  Who would have thought that Cnea would be in so many match of the year contnders.  Punk tosses Cena over the top rope and both men get a much deserved breather.  Punk topes to the outside and him and John both crash hard.  Punk continues to sell his shoulder, and his jaw isn’t doing much better after this last dive.  Triple H gets to a 9 count with neither man moving and he stops the count on his own.  Hunter rolls both men into the ring and refuses to let the match end on a count out.  There must be a winner!  Real nice touch to this match.  Ups the importance of this bout ten fold.  Cena  and Punk trade kicks and punches while the crowd exchanges chants.  Cena hits the best dropkick of his career and catches Punk right in the mush.  Punk bridges out of a pin attempt and kicks Cena right in the temple for what could have been the finish.  Cena kicks out and its a good thing because it just didn’t have that end of the match feel to it.  Punk attempts the GTS but Cena fights out and side slams Punk.  Its still not enough to end the match and the crowd is engrossed in this contest.  CM Punk with a knee a bulldog and locks up both of Cena’s legs and its STILL not enough!  Punk off the top rope and Cena catches him by the leg spinning it into the STF!  Holy crap this is insane.  Who is booking these matches?  Whoever is the creative mind behind this series deserves just as much credit as the wrestlers.  CM Punk gets the rope break and Cena gets frustrated.  Cena goes for the AA, Punk for the GTS, Cena hits the AA, and CM Punk still kicks out!  Every single person in the arena is shocked that this wasn’t it.  John Cena has that look we all hear about, the what do I have to do to beat this guy look.

Cena goes up top for his signature leg drop and Punk moves.  Cena messes up his leg pretty good but still not good enough for Punk to get the three count.  I’m exhausted watching this match.  Cena and Punk are both walking wounded and I’m expecting someone’s knee to give out at any time.  CM Punk channels his inner Macho Man and drops the big elbow on Cena.  Its still not enough!

Punk is frustrated and Cena tries to sneak in a roll up.  Punk gets pissed and rams his knee into John,   Cena gets pissed and starts throwing some hard punches.  CM Punk his a GTS and Cena has his foot on the rope.  HHH doesn’t see it and counts the three!  CM Punk is the winner!

John Cena argues with Triple H saying his foot was on the ropes.  The Game says he didn’t see it so he’s sorry but it doesn’t count.  Punk celebrates being the best in the world.  Punk refueses to shake Hunter’s hand but the special referee raises his hand in victory anyways.  H leaves the ring to let the real champion celebrate and it looks like that’s it.

The crowd sees someone the TV audience does not and … holy shit Kevin Nash has hit the ring!  Nash attacks Punk and hits the Jackknife Powerbomb.  Nash takes off through the crowd and Hunter looks shocked.

Alberto Del Rio comes out with the briefcase and a referee.  Hunter is still looking for Nash and misses all of this.  Del Rio hits a Shining Wizard and that’s all it takes to put Punk down.  Del Rio is the new WWE Champion!

What a pay per view!  We might be back to the glory days when we could say Anything can happen in WWE!