Sure, Raw is already taped tonight and we already know what happens.  But that doesn’t mean we cant enjoy it right?  Right?

R-Truth is out first to tell everyone that he’s a great fighting champion.  Try to win and hold a title in WWE first, Truth.  John Morrison comes out to  congratulate his bro.  Oh that’s right, these two are former tag team partners.  Not champions.  Truth and gold don’t usually roll together.  Morrison says Truth is nothing but lucky.  John shows footage from last week of Truth taking a water break in between gauntlet matches.  When did that happen?  Was it off camera or on a commercial break?  Truth’s conditioning is under attack.  Morrison says R (no, that doesn’t work) would be in better shape if he didn’t smoke so much.  Has anyone seen Jack Swagger after a show?  Man smokes cigarettes like Missy Hyatt sucks cock.  Often and while surrounded by older wrestlers.  Morrison challenges Truth to a match and its looking like the problems from WrestleMania week may already be behind the Prince of Parkour.  Truth asks the crowd for water or a cigarette. This is a glimpse into his future endeavored, um, future self.

R-Truth vs John Morrison – Truth’s spot at Extreme Rules PPV is on the line.

This could be a great match featuring two spectacular wrestlers. If the TV is muted.  Michael Cole is a ratings killer. Morrison ironically smokes Truth the entire match.  And its a short match.  JoMo hits Starship Pain for the pin and is now going on to Extreme Rules.  Truth gets angry at Morrison after the match.  First its frustration and then it becomes an all out attack.  Truth turns heel and it might be the smartest thing he’s done in his entire career.  Truth hits a running knee and crushes Morrison’s head into the retaining wall.  There’s still another Raw before the PPV.  This match might not be finalized yet.  Truth absolutely destroys John and in defeat R-Truth may have won.  A boring, child friendly face might become a compelling heel.  Truth tops all of this off with a hearty smoke break.  Brilliant.

Hype for the Draft.  Next week.  That will be a must see, as always.

Evan Bourne vs. Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero)

Holy shit, someone got a make over!  New hair style and color.  New aggressive streak too. Dolph catches a top rope flying Evan with a big dropkick and controls the match from there on.  Evan comes back enough to attempt Air Bourne.  Evan misses the move and Dolph comes right back with the Zig Zag for the pin.  Dolph has just reached the top of the future world champions list.

A repeat of the Edge farewell interview airs.  Then the announcement of Alberto Del Rio throwing Edge a retirement party this week on Smackdown.  Well that helps get Christian over.

Miz comes out and wants guarantees for fairness towards the champ to be made for Extreme Rules.  Alex Riley plays bitch and grabs Miz a chair.  Miz sits in the ring waiting for the GM to tweet something.  A long commercial break takes place and Miz is still talking.  Sin Cara shows up, which quiets the champion.  The fans get quiet when Sin Cara hits the trampoline better than he has at any other time in his short stay in WWE.  As if one Fruity Pebble colored hero wasn’t enough, here comes John Cena. Oh, shock of shocks, the GM makes this a tag team match.

Miz (WWE Champion) and Alex Riley vs. Cen-Cara.

Another commercial break?  Before the match even gets going?  I’ll predict Riley takes the pin.  Cena wears down Miz and Riley so Sin Cara can hit a few flashy moves on now weakened opponents.  Miz gets in a good amount of offense on the still fresh smelling Sin Cara.  Riley gets a few moments in the match and doesn’t look too bad.  Miz misses a corner clothesline and Cara gets the hot tag to Cena.  Cara.  Cena.  Uma.  Oprah.  Sin Cara hits a spectacular springboard moonsault on Alex Riley for the pin.

A new promo for Awesome Kong airs.  Her rumored name is Kharma, and I’m alright with that.

Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

Brie Bella, the actual Divas champion, is being an annoyance outside the ring.  Lets cross our fingers and see if Michael Cole interrupts this match as well.  Eve gets the pin with a roll up.  Either Cole learned his lesson or… Nope.  There he goes again, he just waited for the match to conclude first.

I hate Michael Cole.  He is going to be my example of everything that is currently wrong with wrestling.  Excuse me, “entertainment”.

A commercial airs for DX: One Last Cash Grab.

Michael Cole and Jack Swagger and something about Cole being knighted.  I cant do this anymore…

Santino Marella vs. Sheamus (US Champion)

I know what you’re saying.  So what happened in the last segment.  I told you, I don’t care.  Fuck Michael Cole.  Whether its the new ring gear colors or whether its because Santino is tonight’s opposition Sheamus looks like a monster tonight.  Sheamus destroys Santino and gets the pin.  A squash match, but a fun one.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Its a WrestleMania rematch!  Punk wasn’t on Raw last week, but the New Nexus returned.  Nexus is no where to be seen this week, but Punk is here so its alright.  Don’t forget Punk, Orton “will call the police”.   This is an incredible match.  Punk finds himself in another great feud that no one expected to be anything (see also, Punk vs Mysterio).  The two men exchange near falls and near hits from all their finishing and signature moves.  In the end its a quick roll up that allows Orton to get the pin on Punk.  After the match New Nexus runs down to surround Randy and destroy him.  The night begins with R-Truth looking like a winner after a loss, and concludes with Orton looking like a loser after a win.

Mason Ryan wants to kick Orton’s head off and becomes a little over zealous.  Punk argues with him and Punk sets up for the punt and the glory.  All this debate gives Orton enough time to recover and he catches Punk with an RKO to close out Raw.