Its another episode of the ever popular Smarked for Death column!  Tonight we fill up for gas on the Road to WrestleMania.

The show starts with Mr. McMahon coming to the ring.  Vince hasn’t been on TV in nearly a year.  Last two times were the Nexus attack and the goofy sequence where he wakes up and Freddie Prinze Jr is his doctor.  McMahon teases that next week WWE will announce a WrestleMania guest host.  Was anyone begging for this gimmick to be brought back?  Especially at the biggest show of the year that doesn’t need such a gimmick.  Rumor is its Ryan Seacrest, because American Idol and WWE have so many crossover fans.

Randy Orton comes out and continues his new feud with Nexus.  Husky Harris got taken out last week, which is a damn shame.  CM Punk comes out so this war of words can have two combatants.  Holy shit, years long continuity happening!  CM Punk shows footage from the Unforgiven 2008 PPV when Orton and Legacy attacked Punk.  Randy hit the Punt on Punk, costing him his first world title.  The Cunning Manipulator says he has waited years for his opportunity and this personal rivalry is about preventing Orton from ever being champion again.  At first I thought, why is Orton feuding with Nexus and Cena is randomly out of the story he’s been the center of for the last year?  But this makes sense.  Brilliant!  Despite the overwhelming odds, Randy wont stop fighting back and may have broken Punk’s nose in the process.  Yeah, that would be some blood on PG WWE.  Nexus takes out the Viper and Punk delivers a fatal Go To Sleep.  The Nexus leader sprays a Crimson Mist from his shattered sinuses.

All night Nexus will take on Elimination Chamber participants in one on one matches.

Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth

Truth asks Green Bay what’s up.  He then waits a few minutes to hear back from the next city over.  Because they’re in Milwaukee.  Not Green bay.  Hello Cleveland!  Mason attacks Truth’s knee and if it wasn’t injured going into the match it is now.  Ryan slams Truth into the ropes, clipping his knee on the way down by the taught ropes.  Mason loops Truth’s leg behind Ryan’s head, hyper-extending the leg.  The referee calls for the bell and the fans cheer the loss of the geographically challenged face.  Mason picks up Truth and continues to destroy the leg.  Referee reverses the decision and even in the loss Ryan looked impressive as hell.

CM Punk congratulates Mason on his decimation.  Punk wants all the other Elimination Chamber wrestlers to be hurt tonight.  Not enough to be out of the match and just replaced, but enough to be easier targets for Punk in the match.  Punk is a Certified Master of evil.

Eve Torres (Divas champion), Gail Kim and Tamina vs. Melina and the Bella Twins.

Natalya joins for commentary and gets her title rematch next week.  There is no way this six woman match will be as good as the six woman match from Impact.  Natalya says she and Eve will take it to another level next week.  Level of suck?  Eve would not be on my list of great women wrestlers.  And yet, she gets the pin after hitting a neck breaker on Melina.  Cole makes everyone else sound stupid, ignores the match, and puts himself over.  Has anyone ever paid to see Michael Cole?  Its not a ridiculous idea to think that someone would pay to see women kick each other’s asses.

Another 2 21 11 promo plays.  It looks more like The Undertaker, which is the safe bet.  Doesn’t mean I cant still hope for it to be Sting though.

John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty

McGillicutty works on Morrison’s left arm and it looks like yet another injury is about to happen.  But John fights back and hits Starship Pain for the relatively quick easy pin.  Not a great showing for Mike by any means.  Due to McG’s failure, Punk comes out to spray some sort of chemical into Morrison’s eyes.  It tough to do free running when there’s some Cosmetics Mess in your eyes.

The Miz comes out to congratulate Jerry Lawler on becoming the number one contender.  Miz compares himself to Lawler, the skill to rile up crowds, appearing on talk shows, being a huge star.  But Lawler never held the WWE title and thus Miz is better.  Lawler shows how old school rules the mic.  Lawler turns the crowd against Miz.  OK, they already were but now they’re loud about it.  The fans so desperately want, not only for Miz to lose, but for Lawler to win.  Give him at least one day with the title WWE!  King starts an “awful” chant for the Miz, which could possibly replace “what” in arenas across the country.  Miz and the King go at it and Lawler has the upper hand (or fist) until Ted DiBiase comes down to get retribution for last week’s punch.  Daniel Bryan saves King and a huge tag team match is made.

The Miz (WWE Champion) and Ted DiBiase vs. Jerry the King Lawler and Daniel Bryan (US Champion)

Alex Riley joins Cole for commentary during this match.  Were Matt Striker and Josh Matthews in the bathroom?  Not together.  Lets just ignore that I wrote that.  Not a bad match at all, only ruined by Cole’s constant heel commentary.  Alex Riley, once he got warmed up, actually did a good job on the announce team.  Bryan dives through the ropes and eliminates both himself and Miz from the match.  Ted runs into the ring post, and serves his purpose of taking the loss so everyone else can look strong.  Lawler drops a big fist and picks up the win.

King Sheamus vs. ?

Josh Matthews comes out and says that Mark Henry made some rude comments about Sheamus.  Sheamus tears apart Mark Henry’s career and something feels odd here.  David Otunga is scheduled to be Sheamus’s opponent but before he gets to the ring, Mark Henry comes out to give his rebuttal to Sheamus’s insults.  Good hard fight between the two, and Henry ends up destroying Sheamus after punishing him with two World’s Strongest Slams.  Nexus enjoys what just happened, and we can all assume that Punk set this all up.  Conning Mark henry is what the Nexus leader does best.

Alberto Del Rio makes his extravagant entrance.  Del Rio says Santino thinks he won the Rumble, and as if it was planned, Santino comes out.  The Cobra Commander tosses Del Rio out of the ring, just like he didn’t do at the Rumble.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella

Santino has a much more competitive match than the star comedy act should have with the future WrestleMania main event star.  Excellent match, and once people realize just how good both these men are, there will be no stopping their stardom.  Del Rio hits an arm DDT and then locks on the arm bar for the win.  Cross your fingers that this arm bar did not harm the cobra.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out to hype up this week’s edition of Smackdown.  Fat jokes, blah blah.  John Cena comes out to banter.  Cena apologizes for R-Truth.  No, not for his rapping or lack of skills, but for yelling out the wrong city earlier tonight.  This goes on way way too long.  Cena plays to the crowd, insults Vickie and Dolph, and makes PG innuendo.  Which by the way, is a lesser beast than no innuendo at all.  The happy couple leaves and Cena starts in on Punk and Nexus.  Cena threatens to kick Punk in his elimination chamber, which is actually quite funny.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Good match and in fact its so enjoyable you just know some screwy ending is going to happen.  Cena purposely clocks Punk in the balls a couple times to get disqualified.  Nexus runs out to protect their Crotch Mauled leader and attack Cena.  Lawler passes Cena a chair and John holds off Nexus with his new weapon.  Cena stands tall to close out the show.

John Cena standing triumphant does not make me want to turn in next week, or to order the next PPV.  No controversy, no “what happens next” moment.  I’ll be back next week though, and so will you for more Smarked for Death!