Live (ish) from England!  Its time for Raw!

Show opens with John Cena “representing The Nexus” reading from a prepared scroll.  Raw goes old school next week, but it goes ye olde school with this opener.  I guess we’re to assume that Wade Barrett is putting Cena up to this.  Barrett comes out with the rest of Nexus a few steps behind him.  Wade gets a Cena level reaction (cheers and boos).  Wade did write on the scroll, his ancestors hand copied the Bible in the dark ages.  Wade gives David Otunga a lashing for taking Nexus to Smackdown.  Wade says, if you’re going to go over my head at least be successful.  Wade then turns his attention to Cena’s work as guest referee last week.  Wade asks Cena to explain himself.  “It all started as a joke when I rapped on Smackdown…”  Holy shit that was funny.  Cena can be gold sometimes and really needs to bring the smart ass persona to the front.  Wade talks about being in his home town.  Wade, I’d like you to talk to Bret Hart about being in your home country.  Hart was leading a faction then too.  Wade wants Cena to announce him as champion, but Randy Orton comes out.  This goes nowhere, and now the GM e-mail sounds off.  Now would the GM anonymously fly to England to send his emails?  Survivor Series in now pinfall or submission only with Nexus barred from ringside.  Nexus vs. Team Orton is announced for tonight, so a Survivor Series style match to build up to a Survivor Series PPV without one 5 on 5 match.  That makes sense.  Cena pushes around Otunga, something seemed weird there.  I’m predicting a Cena heel turn in line with the other Survivor Series screw jobs.

Eve and the Bella Twins dressed in Manchester United colors vs. Maryse, Tamina and Alicia Fox in Liverpool colors.  Michael Cole says this match was to be called the Pat Patterson cup.  I’m all for a good Patterson gay joke but this one was either poor or over my head.  Who booked a match where Eve has to get a hot tag to either Bella?  The shorts the Divas wear also make this match very close to breaking the WWE PG code.  The Bellas hit their one move, switching sisters, to win the match.  That’s right, the finishing move of switching partners while the girl is distracted is performed by Divas and frat boys worldwide.

Wade puts Otunga into a match tonight.  Coming soon to Raw is Nexus Wolfpac.

Hart Dynasty vs. Usos.  Natalya is at ringside but Tamina has not changed out of her soccer gear yet.  Usos are performing as expected, average.  The point of the match is to further the Dynasty split.  Jay hits a “big kick” on Smith.  That’s what Cole told me, the camera angle was very poor and most likely covering a shitty move.  Jay hits a splash and pins Smith.  This split is becoming far too drawn out.

Matt Striker interviews Randy Orton.  Why is Striker doing the interviews and Josh Matthews is taking Lawler’s place tonight?  All these years and I still don’t buy Michael Cole as an announcer.  Nor do I believe he’s a wrestling fan.  Oh, Miz and Orton have some words.

David Otunga gets the cold shoulder from the rest of Nexus.

Goldust vs. Ted DiBiase (with Maryse).  This is another feud that’s gone on too long.  Maryse steals back the million dollar belt.  Aksana runs out, slaps Maryse and steals the belt.  Goldust rolls up DiBiase for the pin and everyone is confused about what the hell is taking place in this story.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Nexus comes out with Otunga, but Wade gives the signal and Nexus abandons Otunga.  Otunga tries to run away, but Cena chases after him and drags Otunga back to the ring.  Cole says, rarely do you see a dropkick out of Cena.  Rarely.  Except for the last two months.  When he’s been hitting one every match.  Cena does get some good elevation for his bulk on the dropkick.  The dueling Cena chants may be the loudest and clearest I’ve ever heard.  Oh no, Wade has told Cena he cant Twitter to the Cenation anymore.  I would like Wade Barrett to tell me I don’t have to type Cenation ever again.  Otunga hits indy heel moves and not much more.  Otunga taps out to the STF with both hands.  I don’t know if it was an aggressive tap out or if he had a lot of green and red notes for the drum kit in Rock Band.

Wade Barrett gives David Otunga an ultimatum.  Tune in to Smackdown to find out what happens!  Collect all the Marvel goodness, like Nexus Frontline and Countdown to Infinite Nexus.

Santino Marella comes out, dressed as Watson.  Santino is accompanied by a random Englishman who wishes he didn’t look at Craigslist acting jobs earlier in the day.  Holy shit its Vladimir Kozlov.  Can we get a picture of Vladimir in a suit?

Vladimir Kozlov everyone.  Anywho, Santino asks for Sheamus to come out for a traditional English tea party.  “We have ginger tea.”  That was the funniest most understated yet brilliant line, possibly of the year.  Judging their usual work it becomes more likely that Santino is writing his own material than the WWE writers are responsible for it.  This exchange, especially the ginger lines, would not have gone over nearly as well in the States.  WWE forgot they had to adapt to the differences in US markets, so its shocking that they’re smart enough to remember they’re in another country.  Kozlov reminds everyone that Santino pinned Sheamus.  Santino spills coffee on Sheamus, and this of all things warrants a GM email.  Can the GM email be hacked?  I’d love to see Cole say, “can I have your attention please?  The GM of Raw would like to extend his penis by 4 inches.”  A match is made.

Santino vs. Sheamus.  Santino stalls until yet another GM email comes through.  Santino must wrestle or be suspended.  Santino brings out the cobra but Sheamus runs through Santino like he’s bursting through a paper banner at a high school football game.  Cole tells us the cobra has been dissected.  I’d say beheaded, as I don’t know any place that dissects cobras.  Santino purposely hits a low blow to get himself disqualified.  Smart move, however sticking around for Sheamus to beat the hell out of him was not.  John Morrison yet again makes the save.  If the point of this story is to elevate Morrison to main event level, then I’m all for it.

John Cena watches a WrestleMania commercial.  I hate it when I have to sacrifice my work time to watch training videos.  Wade Barrett reminds Cena that he could lose his WrestleMania moment if he screws over Nexus.

The Stand Up for WWE promo of the week is the legacy of WWE.  This is a very nice touch, however its sad how many of these Superstars are now dead.  OMG over 25 videos for Stand Up for WWE!  That’s comparable to one second of YouTube.  Good job, WWE!

Randy Orton comes out for the main event, but his team is still unannounced.  Lets find out now:  R-Truth (no surprise), Daniel Bryan (slight surprise, but as he has not been on the show yet tonight — not that much), Mark Henry (the king of surprise opponents) and The Miz (oh I forgot we knew this part).  Miz gets a heroes welcome from the crowd.  He’s going to make so so much money for himself and WWE.  Whoever thought that Mike Mizanin had “it”.  The Nexus (minus Otunga and Cena) provide the opposition.  John Cena, even though he is special referee, comes out with the Nexus.  That was a nice touch.  Bryan stiffs Gabriel’s leapfrog attempt with a dropkick.  Miz and Bryan team effectively, with no hint of their previous feud.  Gabriel and Heath Slater aren’t that bad, and the only flaw with them holding the tag team titles may be that its very early in their careers for such prestige.  David Otunga comes out, for unknown reasons.  Place your bets not WWE Universe, will Otunga or Cena turn first?  Husky Harris squares off with Mark Henry.  I was hoping this face off would be much more competitive than it was/is.  Daniel Bryan shows more skill than almost anyone else in the match.  If Bryan was 3-4 inches taller he’d be the greatest WWE champion of all time.  As it stands (short) he might get a Rey Mysterio level token run with the belt.  Wade Barrett and Daniel Bryan trade moves.  Those of us who watched the first season of NXT finally see what should have been the show’s grand finale.  Daniel Bryan takes the heel beat down, as he is the newest and smallest member on the face team.  Orton gets the ridiculously hot tag and takes the opportunity to look like Super Orton against Barrett.  Everyone comes into the ring and hits finishing moves or big spots.  Its chaos, and Cena lets it go.  Otunga tries to save Barrett, but Cena holds back Otunga.  While Cena is distracted MIZ attacks Orton!  No shit, I don’t know how I thought Miz would play babyface tonight.  Barrett pins Orton, and Cena is the one that counted the victory.  Survivor Series is being built around this one match, but nothing else could compete with the anticipation of WWCD? (What Would Cena Do?)