Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

or  Transformizzle Revenge of the Fallizzle.

What to say about Transformers 2 that hasn’t already been said about… Al Jolson?

The movie tries to be many things, unfortunately one of those things isn’t to be good.  If the movie is for kids then it shouldn’t be PG-13 with extensive use of swear words and Transformer balls (Constructi-nuts!).  If its for adults that remember the glory of the 80s cartoon then the movie should give them what the cartoon never did, a cohesive plot.  It gives neither.
If you’re a parent, imagine driving your child to McDonalds.  A fun innocent day.  Maybe you’ll take him or her through the Play place too.  Just you, your heir, and a clown named Ronald.  But on the way there, you’re cut off by a beast of a pick up truck.  You look up to get the license plate number and your child says, “daddy what are those?”  Truck nuts.  Two big swinging neon testicles dangling down from this monster.  Look and fear the truck balls my child for they shall haunt your dreams!  Your day is ruined, you have to explain things to your child years ahead of time and no one’s in the mood for a Happy Meal anymore.  This is Transformers 2.
Sam and Megan Fox’s body are back for a sequel.  Sam’s parents complain about money for college.  Their son saved the world, the military pays for their house, there is no car payment but apparently money’s tight around the home.  Sam’s mother gets high and the parents spar over who gets to miss Sam more depending on where we are in the movie.  “Sam I don’t want you going so far away from home!”  Emotional words for a parent to say when you’re in Egypt!  How much farther from home can you get?  Cybertron?
Sam’s college is made up of Fem-bots who like to show off their panties.  The Transformer-woman has more lines than any other woman in the movie.  But its ok, she’s not really a woman, just a Decepticon in disguise.  Question.  If they can disguise themselves as humans then why look like cars?  “We’re going to take over your planet!”  How?  “By looking like cars!”  Yes, but, you can look like humans.  Why not just disguise yourself as the President and set off nuclear weapons?  Michael Bay still gets his explosions, and he has a black man to use for racial jokes.  Everybody wins!
Sam is assisted by various ethnic stereotypes along the way.  “He’s Jewish!  And works in a deli!  And has mother issues!  This is revolutionary cinema!”  Remember kids, when in a middle eastern country you can get out of any problem if you’re a Yankees fan.
Megan Fox poses and runs while yelling out the name of whatever male character is currently in trouble.  “Sam!”  “Optimus!”
The United States Army gets a big ole Michael Bay blow job once again.  Nasty aliens attacking?  No worries, we’ll send in Tyrese and an aircraft carrier!
Finally, we get to Mudflaps and Skids.  Can we all accept that they’re supposed to be black?  If we accept that and look at their “personalities” a racial stereotype unfolds.  Big ears, gold tooth, street talk, illiterate, they even walk like apes.  Bumblebee is walking straight up, but the two Afrobots are hunched over and shuffling along.
Some would say, “well kids love the rap and urban lifestyle, so these characters were made for them”.  So what?  Kids would love candy for breakfast lunch and dinner, but we all know that’s bad for them, so they don’t get it.  They might love to never go to school, but you make them.  Go to school, do your homework, get some exercise, eat well, try to learn something new every day.  No, its not fair that the mom that takes these kids to a movie had to work two jobs to afford it while Lil Jon gets paid millions for saying two words.  (Well, two and a half.  1, what 2, yeah and 2 ½ ok.)  But just because it exists doesn’t mean we have to accept it and never ask for more.  A computer took up an entire building and TV was only black and white not that long ago.  What if people were complacent and accepted that, never asking for more?  We can tell stories, why bother with a written language?
Its only a Michael Bay film about giant robots, who needs plot?  The audience maybe?  So we can care about these characters.  I find it funny that someone with obvious racial insensitivities has all his robots look the same.  Yes they do.  Look at any fight scene in the two movies.  Who’s arm is that?  Who knows, its just metal and shiny.  At least the cartoons had a color palate.

Extra:
I found a nice write up on Bay’s racial stereotyping on another site.  Not for Transformers, but for The Rock which came out in 1996.  Good to see he’s matured in 13 years.
The Rock is not a particularly funny film–it takes itself way too seriously for that. Nicolas Cage, by virtue of being Nicolas Cage, manages some fun moments, but other than that, every joke, every gag . . . every real laugh in the film is based on a racial or sexual stereotype.

Shot one: sassy Negro in a cage. “What kind of a fucked up tour is this??” (The audience roars with laughter. ‘He-he, colored people are funny, he-he.’) Shot two: lisping homosexual on the floor. “All I care about is are you happy with your hair cut?” (The audience howls. ‘Mommy, look at the little queer on the floor!’) Shot three: fat Japanese chef babbling gibberish. (The audience is rolling in the aisles. ‘Learn the language or go back to Korea, you goddam chink bastard!’) Shot four: yet another Negro, this one a newspaper vendor. “Where’s that sonofabitch at? I’m gonna hunt him down! That motherfucker ain’t safe nowhere!” (The audience spews Coke out its nose. ‘You tell him Sambo! This shit is timeless!’) You get the idea.
http://www.leisuresuit.net/Webzine/articles/shooting_blanks3.shtml